Chroncling my journey.. the good, the bad and everything in between

#82

I have faith in a few things… the universe and a deity of some sort. There have been times when things have happened in my life that can only be explained by divine intervention.
I also believe God/the universe brings people together for a reason and I am grateful every day of my life to have her support.

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#83

I have a friend like this as well so i can completely understand how you feel!

#84

That’s amazing. He must be pretty wonderful

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#85

It’s a beautiful rainy day.
I started out my day a little later than normal. Usually I’m up at 5:30-6am. however today, I woke up at like 4:30am drank a glass of water and planned on catching one more hour of sleep. Well, that hour turned to a couple. I was pretty upset with myself, given I enjoy earning my sunrise. However, a friend of mine reassured me that if I slept like that I probably needed that. So as opposed to getting down on myself for a small mistake. I accepted it for what it was and attacked the day as I normally do. I put my running clothes on and attempted to beat the rain storm. Funny thing is… I think I run faster than I actually do. :rofl: So I ended up getting rained on for about 25mins of my run but THE WORST WHETHER, WE GET BETTER!! " So I enjoyed every soggy minute of it and it felt fuckin fantastic.
In concluding my run, I met my mom at Goodwill and helped her walk her purchases home. I have been here for a few days keeping her company and she honestly seems to have turned over a new leaf. I can only be happy for her, given how hard she has worked to get to this point. I’m trying not to tear up when thinking about it. Especially given the abusive history we have between one another. I just can feel all my resentments fade in seeing her as a changed person. It’s honestly uncanny.

In case you haven’t heard it today:
YOU’RE AWESOME & I LOVE YOU :grinning::call_me_hand:

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#86

Well look at you! So happy to see all the positivity and light in your life. Beauty is all around us but it’s up to us to find it even in the darkest of days! Keep on going!

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#87

Thank you.

I know I have my ups and downs as we all do. I also know I have a flair for the dramatic but since my last emotional outburst. I was able to look back. Visually see what happened and begin to not only change my outlook on life but change my thought patterns when it comes to emotional turmoil . Now, I’m not saying that I won’t ever have a moment where I feel overwhelmed. What I am saying is I now recognize when I am facing adversity that is an opportunity for them to make me stronger.

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#88

I really admire you and love your outlook! I think you’re on the right track for sure!

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#89

I admire and adore your resolve to remain strong with everything you go thru on a daily basis. :heart:

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#90

Thank you for always being there and listening to me and the craziness!!

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#91

Last night I completed my journal. It took five years, a four year relationship, a meth addiction and sobriety but I did it. Upon reaching the final page I was filled with a sense of joy. Like I literally closed that chapter on that part of my life. In addition to closing that chapter, the content of which my journal entries have transformed to has been nothing short of happiness, excitement and pride for myself. I know a few months back before my one year milestone i was frieghtned to even look back into it. As though reading my thoughts of the past would some how bring up the darkness inside me.
Last night, I took the time to skim thru it and I could see all the ups and downs and everything I went thru. It gave me nothing but clarity and reinforced my drive to stay the person before you today.

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#92

I love reflecting on things like this journaling it’s the shit!

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#93

Your posts are inspirational. As is your hard work toward sobriety. Keep it up!

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#94

Thank you.
I appreciate your kind words.
Truly.

#95

Good luck on your journey. I hope you nail your interview and secure employment.

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#96

11:47am.
Just taking a breather to hydrate and fuel myself after today’s long run. Which I honestly needed. Seeing that yesterday was an impromptu recovery day. Given that the afternoon before I went to the gym with a friend of mine who has a few hundred lbs on me. So of course being competitive I was in the mode, of let’s hit these kettle bells. Than rock these squats, followed by jacking this weight. Well, in doing all that I wiped myself completely out. Which taught me a lesson about forsight!
I can’t even begin to explain how dead my internal battery was yesterday. So I rested . And rested . And rested. . It killed me not to be able to go do the things I wanted to do. Which caused me to become very appreciative that i am able to do the things I want. In resting i was also given the opportunity to address somethings mentally I have been meaning to go over in regards to myself, future, interpersonal relationships ect. So even in a situation I deemed bad, there was some GOOD! Similar to every bad situation. There is always something GOOD to come from it. You just have to start seeing it as an opportunity as opposed to a let down.
On to today, after yesterday’s rest I knew I wanted to get at the very least eight miles in. At the start of the run I wasn’t even sure if I was going to get past that first mile. I really wasn’t… my legs were stiff. My mind was clouded with doubt, but similar to sobriety you just keep pushing one step at a time. Before I knew it I was at 2.5 miles, then 4.5 then 8.5, at that point my brain flipped a switch like “fuck it, we are getting after it” and i continued to run. My stride got longer. I felt more confident and as I approached the last mile it felt like the second mile. Where I wasn’t even aware of anything other than the moment. It was a beautiful sense of clairty and peacefulness I can’t articulate any further than that.

In case you haven’t heard it today:
YOU’RE AWESOME & I LOVE YOU

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#97

I’m so so so fucking proud of you and really glad you listened to your body and took that rest day!! Look at how it served you today!! Im also super excited that we both set our morning goals and surpassed them! Go fucking us! Even if I walk and go much slower, and not as far as you thank you for waiting for me at the finish line :blush:

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#98

We definitely killed it today, and you are still currently killing it!!! :heart: I’ll get to yoga in like an hour or so, because discipline. Lol. We also finished right around the same time. I think I was sitting at the finish line for all of two mins before you were done. So NBD. My psoas muscle definitely needed the moment of rest because fuccccckkkkkk.lol. You heard me. :stuck_out_tongue:

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#99

A little something to keep my focus

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#100

3:56pm
Last night was mother’s day. Well, I decided to go visit her as a surprise and when I got there… She wasn’t there hahahaaj. It was the perfect metaphor for our relationship during my life lolol. Jokes aside, I really wasn’t bothered at all. I took the time alone as an opportunity to write out a one year plan of things i need to accomplish. Which leads me to today. I awoke to one of my friends who works pretty close texting me at 3am. My first thought upon seeing the notification was “I hope you are alright” followed by the thoughts " if you are alright, wtf :stuck_out_tongue:" I open it and it reads, " hey, we are in need of someone to work over nights. Let me know if you are interested" I close the message and think about it as I go back to sleep. I awake three hours later. Get dressed. Go to this interview that was a total debacle. The only good thing that came from it was the opportunity to work for a different person who was there in place of the interviewer. So that was a plus. Now, I sit debating on going to the gym or going home and going for a run. Decisions decisions.

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#101

Sounds like lots of new opportunities! I couldn’t be happier for you honestly! I can’t wait to hear all about your year plan :wink:

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