thank you so much today I went to the gym and did some cardio. I’m a little bit shocked because it’s been a year since I last went to the gym. And now I’m at work, and everything is pissing me off
omg, while I was writing this, one of our regular customers offered to buy me a coffee or another drink as a tip for my work I was confused and kept saying no, but he was persistent, so I ended up asking for a coke zero I’ve been feeling a little nervous today, but this situation actually calmed me down!!
I hate cardio too, but I understand that I really need it right now I’ve gained a lot of weight and I can’t look at myself in the mirror without crying.
Just wanted to say Im proud of you! I was your age when I had big problem with amphetamines. It was very ‘popular’ and easy to get back then in my country, unfortunately probably it still is.
I’m from Poland btw.
Best decision ever to kick all the drugs in the ass! You are better and stronger than them. And for sure you are stronger than you think.
thank u! I’m slavic too, I’m from ukraine so maybe you’ve heard about meow meow and alfa pvp. it’s still popular like amfetamin, but almost all the drug shops have shut down in my town, so I don’t even know how to buy anything directly anymore without going through someone I know. Honestly, that has actually helped me a lot during these almost two years of staying clean.
idk I keep remembering how I was feeling in those times, how really happy I was. I wouldn’t say that my life now is not cost anything, but I feel so so bad, my life is full of adventures, but most of them only bring me problems. I also had to face adult life quite early and I feel like I’m not coping with it very well. Sometimes it feels like I’m just becoming part of the crowd like I’m losing my individuality and that I don’t deserve successful or confident friends in my life.
people often tell me that I’m beautiful, that I’m a great dancer, and that I’m good at many things. but even now, I still struggle to express my thoughts in English and have to use a translator to avoid mistakes. I’ve tried many different hobbies but I haven’t really found myself in any of them and never managed to bring anything to even a decent level of perfection. I’m scared that I won’t do well in the future, that I’ll end up working in a job I don’t like and living with debts.
How are you doing today?
I wish I could give you some proper advice but unfortunately I have none. Probably just the thing you already heard before like dont be so harsh to yourself and that you dont have to be perfect at anything, that the fact you enjoy doing it is enough. But I see and understand your struggle.
High heels dancing? Girl, I can’t even walk in high heels
Sending kindness and hugs
I can relate to facing adult life early. A lot of fake it till I made it, but definitely too much.
I decided at 50 that it’s time to reparent myself and give myself time to catch up on things I felt missing. So far I’ve done some harmless but definitely weird shit and had fun I had my fair share of adventures, thankfully most without causing problems and now live a very reclusive life.
What I want to say is: Go with what brings you joy and makes you happy. You can skip the rest, you miss nothing and spare yourself tons of bullshit (my experience).
Finding your way and place takes time. Keep going, work on creating a good sober life and focus on yourself to grow. That sounds not much and simple. For many of us it is a proper way to a better life.
Progress, not perfection.
You can write authentically, I’m sure your English is sufficient that we understand what you want to say.
Have a good day
I’m crying right now. it’s have been horrible days. I hate my job, I hate the way people treat me, and I hate that no one in my house, city, or in my circle dont give a shit about me. I wish that the only person I would need is myself. I wish I could live and stop caring about how I look in other people’s eyes. I dream of living without constantly worrying about what others think of me. my friends, my family, and especially people who mean nothing to me. But right now, all I can think about is how I let myself get to this point. To the point where my family doesn’t want to see me, my friends tell me to my face that they don’t care about me and that no one needs me. People use me every day, and I can barely keep my emotions and thoughts under control. I want to leave this place as soon as possible and forget it forever.
today I deleted a lot of photos and chats, and honestly, I’m so glad that most of those fake people and situations they were making are behind me now. I just hope I never have to cross paths with them again.
i waiting for my therapy, because i can’t handle it.
the saddest part is that when i was using drugs I couldn’t even think about what was happening around me. I had my own world where I felt at least some kind of comfort.to this day, I still don’t know if that was the best part of my life or the worst. Because like I said i was comfortable in some way. But my body was literally suffering because of it and the people around me didn’t see it even my parents
Fuck, I just want a little bit of peace. And I’m scared that I will never have it, that I won’t be able to handle all of this and I’ll end up dying alone
I don’t understand what I’ve spent my 18 years of life on. I tried so hard to be a good person, but I’m not even needed by the people closest to me, the ones I wasn’t afraid to open up to
You will get there, friend. This part of you, that can say so clearly what you want from life, that is you.
It‘s a journey, but you will get there. You already made the first steps. Don’t stop.
You will find your tribe in real life. One step at a time, friend.
It’s great to have you here. We do care for you. You’re not alone in this.
today I went to the gym and did some cardio. I’m a little bit shocked because it’s been a year since I last went to the gym. And now I’m at work, and everything is pissing me off 
I’ve been feeling a little nervous today, but this situation actually calmed me down!!
I’ve gained a lot of weight and I can’t look at myself in the mirror without crying.
I had my fair share of adventures, thankfully most without causing problems and now live a very reclusive life.