Clean and Sober, Sparred

So let me take you back a little bit into what got me going into addiction. When u was 10 years old my dad was talking to another women from a chat room and my moms split, and we moved back to Oklahoma moved around 3 times to okc then back to home town. After a while my dad got married and wasn’t around much(I was a daddy’s girl) so I was devastated, so we moved on a mountain small town of North Sand Mountain Al, we lived with my mother’s dad and step mom and at first they were very mean to me I had super long hair I couldn’t brush myself it got knots because they would not help and they cut it very short why my mom was working, and my uncle started raping me, not long after we moved down the mountain to Stevenson Al, that is when I started the basics no need to go through them and it all started that sinus allergy became inflamed and I needed more and more because I has the disease of a addict and I did not know. I started sex at 12. When I was 14 I started heavy rocks and powder and hard core drinking at 15 clubs with my sister Id and more drugs and lots of men by now, at 16 more clubs, men, and drugs. At 17 I met my first real realstion ship and we rushed and I fell in love to fast, I was very codependent and leaned on him for everything 3 months later he moved in, we robbed my first house later that year and I almost got shot he took off in the car with guns and was no where to be found. He got put on felony probation, and by 18 we were married got married in Scottsboro Al, woke up the next morning like what did we do? 3 months later he failed a drug test for weed and ended up in rehab so I was alone I had a apartment was doing good my cousin dated his friend from rehab, and they both moved in with me and it it went farther down hill I started cooking with him my thumbs were black, what was I thinking but was dancing with demons and couldn’t get out. Lost my apartment. My husband got out and we started fighting the men in rehab had him believing all women cheat so he started to get mean 5 years went by I had been hit and mentally abused even chipped at tooth 1 time and I was a iv user. At 6 years I finally left and I was doing real bad, I decided to move back home to moms in Al to get off drugs and after while I just started back and was spirling farther and farther into hell we make this world our own hell I got pregnant at 24 and stopped iv usage instaly how could I not carrying my first son Deondre (King) a blessing from God had him at 25 and was a great mother he was the most perfect baby ever, at 4 months old I was pregnant again with my 2nd son David had him at 26 I had emergency c-section with King so with David same because he was early, he went to nicu because of prematurely and I didn’t see him for 3 days we never got that bond I loved him like King though just never bonded, I was in Arkansas at this time time passed got back on drugs was in and out back on drugs :broken_heart: :cry: I was on pills being pregnant by doctors and after but boys were okay no withdraws. I ended up in jail 2 1/2 months was extradited back to Alabama finally out on drugs again on and off and at 27 pregnant again with another boy Malikai(Kai Kai baby) my sister adopted Malikai at 2 she had already had him most of his life, 6 months after Kai Kai baby I got diagnose with schizophrenia it was the scariest experience ever went to mental hospital and was in and out for 2 years… I am diagnosed with the schizophrenic, PTSD, bi-polar, anxiety, and depression. I have been to 3 rehabs before this one nothing ever stuck caught my first felony charge in December and got 6 years unsupervised probation, if I mess up its 3-10 years judge gets to pick by what the charge is. I decide that I was tired of the life I was always broke had no family left I stole and lied to the ones I did have even my mom and dad and worst of all my papa and i will regret it to this day in life even when I do get to the step to make a amends. I got clean January 5th 2022 realized i was a addict went to a mental hospital and withdrawed l, found a rehab got out they picked me up next day I am clean 174 days today. 6 days until 6 months and I thank God dialy for this chance, it’s 1 day at a time, with God on my side as number 1, working on steps, I have been in rehab since January 21st so almost 6 months, my insurance ended, I am waiting for a bed at 2 different faith based long term sober living in Kansas City MO so it will be soon to move to them next chapter in my life… PS( sorry so long, thanks for reading) I’m making it one day at a time