Close calls (trigger warning)

Life in Recovery
1

Yesterday I went clubbing again after being clean of basically every upper and downer, except alcohol because I don’t consider it to be a problem for me. In the party mood I was having a lot of fun, but the feelings of using came up again and since I was just asked a couple of hours ago if I want some xtc, I called up a dealer. Only thing that safed me that evening was that he wouldn’t bring me any, because I wasn’t buying in bulk.

I feel so bad for even asking for xtc, even tho I have been clean for 3 month and sayer no a couple of hours earlier.

Did you have any close calls like that?

1 Like
2

I’m pretty sure that alcohol is a downer that acts like an upper. I’m no pharmacologist or chemist, but you might want to look at that. Do you wind up using after drinking? Or drinking after using?

1 Like
3

Would you have made that call if you weren’t drinking?

1 Like
4

I added a trigger warning on the topic. I debated moving this to Seeking Help as the OP was drinking. It feels problematic to me.

3 Likes
5

I was drinking a lot before I went to chemicals like xtc and else. But as soon as I discovered that other drugs might be more “fun” I just used them. I started drinking again as a way to socialize and vent. I usually never combined both. I feel the urge to use quite often, even if I’m not drinkin, but the alcohol just took me that last control.

6

I think I would’ve made a different call if I wasn’t drinking, since it was the last bit of control I had that I lost.

7

Maybe the booze is more of an issue than you realize?

3 Likes
9

I know you are right in that sense… but I always just talk it away. I shouldn’t drink anymore but I just can’t get myself motivated to do it. I moved to get clean, but I have to move bacl because of money issues putting me right back where I was before… I just can’t see myself here not drinking or using

10

AA taught me how to live without drugs and alcohol

3 Likes
12

I feel the same way about my surrounding’s here. And I’m trying everything to move away from my block. But since I am unemployed I had to move back.

I found the AA an interesting idea, but I’very always ignored since it scares me…

13

You’re a smart guy Lukas, if a friend was saying what you’ve said here, what would you suggest?

2 Likes
15

Stay of the everything, get a job and move as soon as you have the money you need to move…

2 Likes
17

Every day, beer is everywhere and is 24 hrs of going, Hey I’m on the shelf I’m legal buy me. Its more a way of life to ignore than a trigger.

3 Likes
18

Huh, I have never seen it that way, interesting idea

19

Get scared, get in the room and you may find out something interesting about yourself.
Mainly that you aren’t on your own.
And as @Dolse71 says it’s so ingrained in our society that it can actually take a while for us to see that alcohol is actually bad for us.