Closest I’ve been to relapsing in a year and a half

I have been having a rough couple of weeks, or months rather. I’ve been having a hard time with my kid’s egg donor. I’ve been their mother, all this POS did was give birth to them. I have been there since my son was in diapers. I’ve been there for them and helped them with everything and anything since they’ve been in my life. This girl makes mine and my fiancé’s lives hell. She’s a bitter jealous person and she brings everyone down with her. I have been so short tempered lately. It seems like every little thing sets me off. I’ve kept so much inside so I know this was all my fault. I just don’t want to ask for help or let anyone down. I try to do everything myself and I end up just getting way too overwhelmed. I had a really important package that was supposed to be delivered tomorrow. I ended calling to ask about it and the lady was pretty rude and unprofessional to Begin with. We ended up arguing and she just flat out cancelled my package that I’ve been waiting for for a very long time. It set me completely off, it was just icing on the cake. Maybe it sounds stupid to you but I don’t really care. I’ve had so much built up anger and frustration that I just had a full blown meltdown. I’m not proud, but my first thought was to drink. That hasn’t happened in a very long time. I even went as far as driving to the liquor store and sitting in the parking lot. I screamed at everyone who is close to me and said a lot of hurtful things. I cried until I couldn’t anymore. I prayed of course and now I feel just a tiny bit better. I am taking a mental health day tomorrow, I need to do some self care as well as some self reflection. I know I would’ve made everything so much worse if I would’ve picked up again. I thank God I made it through that sober. I really needed that, I can’t keep holding shit in. I need to let myself ask for help sometimes. I still have faith in God and his plan.

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That right there :point_up_2: is key. We cannot do everything on our own. It’s good to see you still sober and back posting. Lean on us, that’s what we’re all here for.

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Thank you, I really appreciate that.:heart:

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None of us make it alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

The egg supplier is who she is and you, me or Freud himself couldn’t change that. We have no control over that shit.

We rest now our sober heads. Night & way to be strong.

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Thank you, you’re absolutely right :two_hearts:

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How are you feeling today?
:hugs::hugs:

I’m feeling a little bit better. Had a rough night replaying all the events of yesterday over and over again in my head. I woke up at 12. Now I’m just trying to decide what I want to do next lol. I really don’t want to waste this day.

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None of us did it alone, sometimes we just need a little help from our friends

It does sound like your having a bit of a rough time

As far as your package cancellation, I’d call back requesting to speak to a supervisor, no reason for someone to Treat you like that

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Congrats on making it through to the other side. You reminded me of a time when I was close to relapse.

I was frustrated with how life was treating me. I was in a lot of emotional pain. I was angry!

Id sometimes have lunch at a bar. I would order a double shot of whiskey. Eat my lunch, and leave the shot on the table. I didn’t drink it, but I came close. I did this more than once.

Eventually, I ended up drinking. It wasn’t the solution I was looking for. It just caused me a lot of pain. It was way harder to quit again than I ever imagined it would be.

Don’t fall for it like I did!

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Hope your day goes well, and I find that being kind to ourselves really can help.
Your here and that is what matters.
I’m here if you need me :hugs::grin:

Agreed. I’m sure somehow it will be my fault. She was being rude first but I raised my voice first. I’m over it, nothing I can do about it.

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That’s where I’m at. I’m so angry at everyone and I know I’m blessed I’m just irritable. I’m trying not to lash out on everyone… like the old me would. Sorry for being a Debbie downer on here I’m just having a hard time right now.

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Your not Debbie Downer. I’m glad you reached out and talked about it.
I tend to bottle things up until I explode, or internalize everything until I paint this imaginary picture that drugs, alcohol, self destruction looks better than where I’m at with life.

I hope your feeing better.

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Definitely not being a Debbie downer I’ve been sober for a little over a year and a half as well. And the past 2 weeks I’ve had so much depression and have been battling what seems like a war I’ll never win. I felt so good for so long and had “control” of my depression because i quit drinking then BAM :boom: it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I’m exhausted from thinking so negative and have so much resentment and hate in my head right now and i can’t seem to sway my mind like i was able to in the past. I thank you for posting your situation because i came on to this app multiple times the past couple weeks and wasn’t brave enough to put my situation on here to get some help and thanks to you I’m typing this. We are all in this together as long as we talk it out and not keep it locked up in our head. Thank you again for being so brave.

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First off working in customer service, your job is to descelate the situation.

If I cancelled everyone that yelled at me, well I wouldn’t have a job cause we’d be out of business

I would call back and speak politely apologize about your previous outburst and wish to proceed

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So glad you didn’t pick up! We are here for you! A mental health day sounds wonderful!

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Aww well that makes me feel better that it helped you. Yeah I don’t understand it. I totally get what you mean by having everything under control and then just out of nowhere it seems like everything crashes down. It does help to vent though. I felt stupid for sharing at first because without knowing the whole story getting upset over a package silly. It was just the last straw for me. I need to start using this app again for sure. The people in my life don’t really understand addiction and I feel alone sometimes.

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Thank you so much! Me too, who knows where I would be if I would’ve.

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Yes I agree. She was the “manager” but she was extremely unprofessional. I think I might email someone higher up. She was so degrading. My skin is boiling just thinking about it. I did apologize that’s the thing. I was like I’m human and I had a bad day and apologized for taking it out on her. She didn’t care and didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.

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Thank you. I’m glad too. Who knows where I would be right now if I picked up again.

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