I got blind sided Sunday myself. It was my weekend with my kids, and they are involved in sports, 4H, etc, which is good, but I was running all over the place. My ex wife was texting me asking me to rush them here and there for a fair they are participating in this weekend and week. It’s also a vacation for them all. Anyway, I felt like when it’s my time with the kids, Im being told and expected by my ex to accommodate her schedule set for the kids. I just wanted some quality time with them. As the day went on I got smacked by my depression and was in my head all f ing day. I couldn’t enjoy anything that day and got short with my kids. I apologized, but I felt like shit. My alcoholism was close to getting me to say f it. But I didn’t. I called my sponsor, told him what was up and managed to stay sober. The emotional hangover and depression took a couple days to get over, but I’m still sober. It just amazes me how quick depression, and the alcoholic mind can spiral over shit. Lifelong battle with those and anxiety, the three headed monster normal people have no idea about. Thank God for all of you who understand. Love y’all.
Thanks man. I appreciate it. Reading that others go through the same helps the feeling of “loneliness” not feel so lonely. Thanks again for sharing your story with me and relating. May your days get better and we put depression in the corner where it belongs.
Right on brother! Keep battling!
I don’t usually blow up like that. It was just so much built up. I’m usually better at dealing with it but I’m that moment I felt so helpless. I guess I just lost it.
I’m sorry to hear that. Depression is so hard. Like you said you can have it all and still manage to see the dark in everything. For me it’s self Saratoga I think. PTSD on top of everything else is really hard. You don’t have to do it alone though. There’s a lot of support on this app, people like us who know what we are going through.
I can relate in so many ways. I’m proud of you for staying strong, it is always worth it. It is amazing how quickly our minds can flip that switch to “F it mode”. Having our demons telling us that we aren’t good enough or that nothing will ever get better. I would have a conversation with your ex and tell her how you feel. It’s really not fair for you to have to work around her schedule. It’s YOUR time with them. She’s just trying to control the situation. My kid’s biological mother, or egg donor rather, is the same way. Before we got a lawyer everything revolves around her and her plans. There’s got to be something that you can do. You get stressed because she is making you overwhelmed and that’s not okay.
I can so relate to the anger and rage and lashing out because you’re frustrated. I’m searching for outlets for my own stress and rage too and it’s hard to get a handle on sometimes, especially when it feels like one thing after a freakin’ other. I’m sure your loved ones forgive you for it and are proud of you for keeping on your path!