Does anyone feel like they suck the life out of people?
I try to be independent and everything but I feel like I always ruin people’s lives. Even when I don’t mean too. I’ve had three people say to me that they didn’t feel enough to be with me. That just breaks my heart.
Does it Jane anything to do with codependency. I’m reading a book on it at the moment.
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I’m listening to an audio book for the second time: Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light. I’m inching towards recovery:) I think anything that gives focus on loving yourself will result having the right people also attracted to you, even if it’s just that right friendships.
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It keeps coming up - I highly recommend the book “codependent no more”. I read it 2 years ago and it blew open my therapeutic process. I also recommend a good therapist, as sometimes I get in my head and take every rejection personally, when it may (likely) have nothing to do with me, but be more about the other person and where they are at. This is not a thing we can control. I also have found Al-Anon super helpful, as it’s super common behavior for children of alcoholics and others who have been around/had relationships with alcoholics.
I also find this really difficult but am working with my current therapist on desensitising my thoughts about past rejections. In the helps of being better to respond now. I also try REALLY hard to think about surrendering to my higher power - if a relationship is to be, it will be. Me trying to force it does not help and only upsets me. This is not an easy mental exercise for me, but I’m working at it.
Good luck 
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Yesterday I realised that there is an updated version of Codependancy No More. It’s called The New Codependancy. Same writer. I read both back in the day. The newer one is still a little bit older but has some newer advice. The older one has info that’s quickly glazed over on the newer one and vice versa.
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Sorry no advice to give but wanted to say Thank you for this post…googled codependency and wow that’s so me…going to look up some of those books.
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I got into a mutually codependent friendship and not long ago started the process of installing appropriate boundaries, which in my opinion are the most important practice for steering away from codependency. I get both sides of the experience, and the band aid ripping pain of eliminating codependency behaviours. Actually for me the pain was more like getting a crutch kicked from under me.
I’m now out of that codependency. But I still have to watch my behaviours because I can be tempted and return to it like an addiction if I’m not careful.
I’m around to talk experiences. But as far as science and psychology, though I know bits and pieces of it, I’ll leave that to the experts.
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Are these people saying this because they think you ask too much from the friendship, or do you think it’s a different reason?
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Always cross check such claims with your close friends. They can fact check it for you
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Finally bought it… Maybe we could do a book club thread if you know anyone else who decided to read it.
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I’m down! I actually have the book as part of a reading but never got to it. #bookclubsrock
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That sounds like a great idea! I would love read it again and do a book discussion.
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Maybe you could be the lead (if you don’t mind) since you have experience with it, I think @SweetTea gets a book thread going by tagging a bunch of users in the beginning that mentioned being interested in it.
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Awesome 
, I need some accountability to start reading more
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HOLY! I found my copy and read the intro/first chapter. That. Book. Is. The. … (you get the idea). Wow I think that book described me somewhat but my mom to a T!
Really looking forward to starting the book club
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I’m in! Will start it tomorrow.
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(Ooo… My very favorite local bookseller has the paperback and workbook in stock, both cheaper than Amazon. Take that, Bezos! 
)
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Oh I saw the workbook (on Amazon lol) I wondered if it was worth it
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Yes, ok awesome! You and me we got each other on the accountability
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