Welcome, @BigRed90! Your struggles are the same that many of us have had. I was a booze fighter for years. But not a very good one, I can’t recall winning any bouts!
As you will read on the forum, we each of us got to the point where we would do anything to get and stay sober - or at least we would finally do what we had been holding in reserve for “when it gets really bad”. Exactly where that line was differs for each of us, as was what had to happen to prepare us to step off into the unknown, into abstinence and sobriety. You will also read plenty of posts from people who thought or wished they were at that place, but found that they still withheld something that prevented a total commitment to sobriety.
Along with the losses and consequences, I think we each also gain some experience and history with sobriety before it really takes hold in us. We have to germinate the seed of sobriety, holding it inside until it really is ready to break out of the shell of denial and apathy and inertia and self-loathing and whatever else we use to bury it.
The practical experiences I can relate are the things I did to maintain my abstinence and grow it into a deeply rooted and contented sobriety.
*Consulted with my physician for Antabuse
*Returned to counseling with the express purpose of being accountable for my sobriety.
*Returned to AA meetings, got a sponsor at my 2nd meeting and did whatever he suggested that I do.
*Started my mornings with fumbling prayer and meditation and writing in a journal on sobriety and AA step work related questions.
*Stopped reading the daily newspaper, the political situation at the time upset me terribly and I had to ignore it.
*As a consequence of my last arrest, I had to report to the police station every morning, 7 days a week and provide an alcohol free breath sample or face immediate incarceration. I do not recommend getting arrested as a sobriety growing experience, but it is what happened to me. Also, that was definitely not the first arrest, or first reporting experience I had.
I hope some of this helps you. It certainly helps me to recall it and write it out, so thank you for prompting me. Blessings on your house, friend .