I started using this app last year, did 60 days without booze, fags or weed…I managed NYE sober! I went to Taiwan in March this year and came unstuck, since then I’ve reset around 5 or 6 times. I had my last binge 7 days ago, I did something terrible…I cheated on my boyfriend while wasted (not full sex but still…).
I came clean after a few days of gut wrenching guilt. I need to do this for us, for me and the future, if I’m going to find any kind of long term happiness I need to remove alcohol from my life.
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Am sorry for what happened but am glad you learnt something from it and decided to start over. We’ve all made horrible mistakes in our lives but I think we can all agree that the worse are those that we made while drunk. Basically because that person , that person who has no control over herself, that person who can so easily hurt the people she loves and destroy little by little her life , it’s NOT YOU. I have cheated on every person I’ve ever dated (not that I have that many but still), but I never did it while sober. I try to see myself back then and try to remember why I did it , and quite honestly I can’t , because there was no reason. Alcohol turns me into someone I don’t know or will ever be able to justify. Am sure we will go through this my friend , all of us. You will be able to turn your life around and be happy. We are here for you 
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Thank you so much for your kind words, I agree completely, when I get pissed I have absolutely no self control…when sober I am a different person, I’m very responsible.
I know this won’t be easy, I grew up in a pub and I’ve been a heavy drinker for over 20 years 
I’m Alexis by the way! Where are you from? I’m from England.
I hope you have a great weekend!
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Yeah I know , I can totally relate , I’ve been a heavy drinker for over a decade (am 28), and basically every story I have happened at a bar , going to a bar , after a bar or at a club. I used to take pride on that , like look at me I am so fun and cool. But now it’s not fun or cute anymore , it’s just sad.
My name is Fernanda , and I am from Chile 
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Hope you have a great weekend too!
Just survived an alcohol-free Friday night with my brother drinking a whole bottle of wine in front of me , and I plan on keeping it that way .
We can do this! 
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The important thing is you recognized the mistake, owned up to it, and are taking the right steps to get back on the right track to sobriety and healthy choices. As an alcoholic, I’ve done things while drunk I was deeply ashamed of. I am in early recovery now (3 weeks today) and through the 12 steps of AA and good sponsorship I am learning a new way of life. We can stay sober and make healthy choices together. Check in here, talk to other women who you relate to, go to meetings, and never be afraid to reach out for help when you need it…there is a huge community of people standing ready who can’t wait to help a fellow alcoholic…it helps them stay sober too!
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this story significantly like my last binge. i broke up with my girlfriend several times. and ALOT had to do with my own self conscious thought about myself drinking and drugging. during my last binge i wound up with a back eye because i wanted more so i could go to a house party. lmfao i guess i had a whole house party myself “with lights and everything”
p.s. me and the guy who punched me are friends again 
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I just got back from a friend’s birthday meal, I had 2 non alcoholic cocktails she kept blagging me to have a drink with the girls but I did it!! I’m so happy, I felt like I was walking on air as I walked home!
The food was lovely (tapas) and I feel good knowing that I won’t feel terrible in the morning lol
Well done on your victory! It is hard when people are boozing around you/in front of you but it just shows how tough you are!
I’m 35, 36 in July…time flies doesn’t it? 
Take care,
Alexis x
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Thank you! 
I had to own up, I’m not naturally a deceitful person…I hate myself when drunk but love being drunk…I love my partner more though, that’s why I really must do it this time.
Thank you for your words of support and encouragement, I really do appreciate it and we’ll done on staying sober, long may it continue!
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15 days!! Fantastic! Here’s to the next 15 and the 15 after and after! 
Ouch!
Yeah, we have had our ups and downs and it’s always to do with my boozing, I turn in to a real monster when I’m wasted…I have no self control or conscience when drunk it seems.
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@Surfin_Bird, this thread might be a good reminder for you at this time…something to read thru and reflect on.
Not trying to be judgemental or harsh, just reminding you of your own words and feelings.
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@ImJustMe i am on day 15 allso and the struggle is really. I habe been on this app so much lately to keep me accountable. It has helped.
Keep it up we can do This!
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I find it astonishing the difference in attitude on here between when people relapse and consequently beat themselves up over it, compared to when they relapse and don’t beat themselves up over it…
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I am sorry you aren’t feeling supported after your relapse. It didn’t seem like you were looking for support however, more that you had figured out moderation worked for you.
I know it doesn’t work for me, even though I can go weeks, months without a ‘bad incident.’
I will, however, stand by my suggestion (which I have made to others on here as well…and which I follow myself), that re-reading your own threads, especially about relapsing and drinking and what you have been through and how that made you feel is important to the process of recovery.
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@Sassyrocks has done this as she cares Alexis, this is her trying to support you. I care too.
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These posts about what we do while drunk really resonate with me. It’s the things we do while drunk that hurt those around us, sometimes more than the fact that we drank. I still can’t forgive myself for a couple of the things I did that hurt my wife and embarrassed me, even though I hardly remember doing those things.
It’s a kind of poetic justice for me. I used to be a judgmental asshole when it came to drinking and what drunk people did. I believed that alcohol simply amplified a person, made them more like they really were inside, and revealed their true desires. If someone did something taboo while drunk, it was because they WANTED to, and the alcohol served to simply lift their inhibitions. They were just as responsible for what they did. I laughed at people who used “I was drunk” as an excuse for why they did something terrible. I’d say, “Tell that shit to a court of law, loser!”
Then alcohol entered my life. Sometimes I think it was a karmic punishment for the way I had been, because I went on to do things “I’d never do.” But I did. And I did not forget the things I used to say. I refused to be hypocritical and reverse my theory just because it happened to ME. No, I judged myself very harshly. I believed that WAS me-- that person I became when drunk. I began to loathe myself. I thought about suicide.
It took my wife (and her extensive education on the subject, chemically speaking) to talk me out of this belief. She did NOT believe alcohol brought out the real me. She knew about how it basically cut out parts of the brain that deal with critical thinking, decision making and judgment. It really does change a person fundamentally, not just in the sense of removing social barriers and shyness, although that IS the effect with a little alcohol. But I don’t deal with a little alcohol, do I?
Anyway, yesterday I fell off the wagon after 93 days, and I’m feeling pretty shitty about myself right now. I need a good cry under a warm shower and a few hours back in bed. It was good to come here and read your stories.
Thanks for that.
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Ouch @Ighnot, that was an inspiring, thoughtful, sad post. I hope today brings more clarity and peace and you are able to move forward in a positive direction. Sleep is very healing and restorative. Never give up, never surrender.
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