Consumed No More

To be completely honest I’m surprised I even made this first 30 days. I was so scared that I wouldn’t even make it. At times I doubted that I even wanted to be clean. I told myself I’m worthless and I can’t take back what i have done in the past. Being consumed my the deep shame, pain, guilt and resentment has brought me to my knees. I can’t keep carrying my burdens like I have anymore. I can’t live like that anymore. My family had endured way to much. It’s time for me to stand up to my addiction and say I’ve had enough! I’m not letting it take me down anymore dark rabbit holes. I know where I stand and my feet are going to stay standing on a firm foundation. I will never give up on myself anymore. Today I’m proud of where I am despite my wrongdoings and I don’t have to relive any of that ever again. I’m just grateful to be clean today.

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Welcome Kate! Your are not worthless and many have been in the same space as you. Glad you joined!

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Thank you so much!

Also happy for you that you found this place. There is no reason to go thru what your facing alone or frightened of what may change. Many of the experiences you’ll read here will be uplifting and some will very sad and painful but all will carry the message of lessons learned. I hope you’ll find help, company and inspiration here. I’m sure you already know its not going to be easy. For now, best wishes for success and a smooth road ahead…

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Thank you so much for your kind welcome! I just hope one day I can help someone with my experience the way many have helped me.

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And you have full permission to be 100% selfish and focused on your recovery :blush:

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Hi @Kgreenwald, welcome!! Congratulations on 30 days, great work. Let’s keep on keeping on together :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Welcome, @Kgreenwald to Sober Time. A wonderful place where I come to when I want to express myself in ways that other’s around me won’t understand. I appreciate what you shared with all of us because my past used to weigh down on my shoulder’s the way Atlas carried the :earth_americas: on his. I listen to a lot of music, historical and philosophical content on YouTube. I would like to share a quote with you in regards to our pasts…
“Learn from your past, don’t live in it. The past must be integrated, it cannot be wished away, but it should not be allowed to devour the future. Todays is tomorrow’s past, don’t spend it reliving yesterday. See the infinite flowering of now.”
I’ve been listening to this daily for so long now. I’ve ingrained this into my psyche. When I read, hear or say, “See the infinite flowering of now”, I think I know what that means now. To me, it means that every moment that we look out of our eyes at the present moment is uniquely, unique and will never happen again because it already happened. It’s hard to put to words… But it makes sense to me and it’s just very liberating. I’m not afraid of who I am or what I will do any more.

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How are things Kate?