Crumbled yet again

Was clean for 26 days, used today, how can you do nearly a month, feeling positive, then wake up one day like your totally powerless to your addiction, been off methadone for 10yrs, but I cant seem to break this same cycle, I’ll start dreaming about getting smashed , wake up and before I no itiminthevanoff to score :thinking:

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That is addiction right there.
Feeling fine and bang. No backup plan and I’m off drinking.
I have lots of backup plans.
AA
This app
Reading
Walking
Talking to AA friends
Asking for help
Sleeping
And lots more

Do you have anything you turn to when your struggling?

Glad your here

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Hi @Tilbury and welcome to TS. This place has a great community with awesome people always willing to help and to share info and thoughts for everyone. I feel you. Many times i feel the same, Im clean now but today i staterd feeling the urge to get HAF and fantasized about using cocaine, my DOC. What i can tell you is to try to be strong and stay busy till these thoughts leave your mind. Again, this place is great to talk to people (stay busy) and ask for help. Welcome again!

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I enjoy exercise, have loads of hobbies and interests, but no matter what I do to keep myself occupied, theres always a time when I’m alone and feeling mentally weak, and more often than not I break :-1: i went into a detox unit in 2010, and while I was there I started going to na meetings and continued for a few months when I left, but I found, they were all in areas where I used to score, and talking about it and seeing pple that were in active addiction, rather than making me feel better I used to come out of there craving and feeling shit, so I came to the conclusion they weren’t for me… I have considered going to a meeting again lately, I’m 38 and have been an addict for 20 years and I feel tired now, i really need to break the cycle that I’m in for my own sanity. I cant believe that my brain will be like this forever, I really need to change something, :man_shrugging:

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I’d try different meetings. CA if your area has them are great for me. I know I struggled with NA for similar reasons. That isolation is ruthless man, but keep showing up to meetings, go talk to people, show up early and stay after. You are BOUND to meet others just like you who you can start to spend time with and not feel so isolated. I wish you the best brother, I know it seems daunting at first but If you decide to work the program and the steps it can be the most freeing and liberating experience. It has been for me at 4 months, anyway.

Glad you’re here and just know you are not alone.

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My doc is the same and I tell you now if you can crack methadone you can crack anything,I see people caught up on days numbers it’s just another day clean,ok so you have used ,let it go start again,did you have groups or 121 in place if not I say that needs to be your priorities ATM,I’m a 20 year methadone,heroin and benzo user I’m 34 days today remember it’s just a state of mind.deternation and the want to not want to use us a must have dig deep and ask yourself these question listen to your inner voice on this one your instict not the other voice I wish you all the best.stay connected.xx

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Hi and welcome everybody here has given you some great advice. I understand what u mean about meetings I’m also a heroin addict but choose aa as my fellowship cos I get to use the 12 steps programme and not be around the talk of drugs . I tried ca meetings but felt the same as u I came away thinking of drugs . It doesn’t matter what our doc is we all feel the deep dark whole when we have had enough. I just prefer aa and feel very connected in the rooms. Good luck on your journey please keep reading and reaching out on here were all here to help eachother through our recovery x

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Thanks, your right, coz I got off methadone 10yrs ago(and yes your right it was horrendous) I’d like to say I’d never go back to using I think that experience was enough to scar me for life, I just cant seem to go longer than a month without using heroin, and to be honest my tolerance is so low I dont even enjoy it :nauseated_face::face_vomiting: it’s like when you using every day and you start craving and feeling I’ll, I get that now every 3wks, when I start having real vivid dreams I no I’m in trouble, one minute I’m loving life, then out of the blue… I feel powerless to my addiction :man_facepalming: I feel like my mindset is changing for the better, I’m 38 so I’m not getting any younger, I was in active addiction at your age and I really regret having let it affect so much of my life, its great that your positive and doing the right thing talking bout stuff :ok_hand: x

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Thank you x

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I’m 38 too I’ve been in active addiction on methadone for 15 years 4 failed attempts and heroin just shy of 20 years ,I’ve done prisons ,I had addicted baby’s ,I died more than one ,but that’s my past I can’t change that .you will know when the time is right beleive me you will welcome it with open arms I know I did,I was done I wouldn’t of done another year I would of been in a mental facility,shit you not,were not getting any younger that’s true grab life whilst you still have it to enjoy,get to some meetings if ya not into na or as do smart recovery that’s what I’m starting in a week it more CBT and your thinking around drugs you can also do a online one but it’s better to be around people.xxi will be looking out for you on the forums,I find Sharing everyday is mega helpful I do it in the morning before my day starts then throughout the day I get feed back xx

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I have a really warm feeling about you,if have this inner sense your Gona get it really soon.keepbreading keep focused stay recovered,and when you can help others to help themselves our journeys on here all run near enough parallel.xxrenembers it’s just a number all you have to do is get through to bed time then you start over .xx

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My story sounds similar to yours, trouble with me is I always feel like I need help, when iv used and I’m clucking, give it a few days when I’m feeling better and I’ll think I can do it all on my own! Thanks for the advice, I will try to take it x

Were addicts you must know if you asked yourself honestly that you can’t to do it alone Left to our own devices all we have to look forward to is life in addiction,prison or death,from how your writing and please don’t take offense your not ready your getti g closer but your not there.you could be but I feel you have to live through some more shittier times,now you need to make the descion if you want to take that risk for some that risk means death I’m sorry but it’s the truth give yourself a chance you have proved to yourself you can do it as you have done 30 days .what’s so great about that life at 37 years old that you want to keep going back they say with heroin users it’s take several detoxes and failed attempts useally swallows up around 15/20 years of your life before you really have had enough .that’s my statistics don’t let that be you xxx

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Sound advice, when I’m feeling better, instead of forgetting about recovery and thinking iv got a normal brain :joy: I’ll try and help someone else, that might keep me thinking :ok_hand:x

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Remember my fellow addicts words are cheap actions bring you peace if mind.xxstay humble ,keep reading,and most importantly help and live yourself ,you deserve to be free and happy xxcbut only you and you only can make that change xxx

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You won’t be like that forever. I drank for over 20 years. It took a lot to quit.
I took meds to help with cravings
Went to meetings so I didn’t feel alone
I educated myself on alcohol
Lots of other stuff too

Sounds like you have a great foundation
Maybe just add a few more tools

Don’t carry money or cards
Call someone when you feel like you will break
Come on here
Walk
Shower
Play a game on phone
Pray and pray again even though I didn’t believe in a higher power back then

I had to do all of this and more to stay sober maybe they will help you too

Rarely if ever do I get a craving. I truly believe that knowledge is power
When I realized how alcohol effects and how it is encouraged it helped to change my perspective
I’m glad your here keep reading and posting

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