Daily Gratitude - Recovery from Porn Addiction


#82

Today, I am grateful for a few things:

  • Answered Prayers. At first I was a bit bothered that I didn’t have an answer right away to some recent things, but that time allowed me to grow and do some serious pondering and studying out. I am glad to find an answer to my prayer, and for the strength I have grown through not knowing as quickly.
  • Best Friends. I have a good friend I have grown close to, and we both help each other stay positive and thinking clearly. It’s crazy what a little support does for you!
  • Knowledge. I feel like as I try to learn more, I realize how little I know, which helps me to grow more. Learning things each day is a challenge, but I do pick up a few small things about once a week. I am thankful for what I do understand currently, and hope that i can continue this growth over many years haha.

#83

I’m 91 days clean,

My gratitude for my 3 month soberversary:

  1. The compassion that streams through this forum is awe inspiring! Amongst all of you, I feel no judgement and I see the honest desire to help others who are struggling and that gives me hope. Thank you for that!

  2. I’m thankful for the ability to clearly say “no” without feeling guilty. Sounds silly, but I’m a people pleaser and I will sacrifice my well being to do things for others at my own expense. I have come to learn that often leads to resentments. It’s okay to say, “I want to help, but I can’t do it now.” I’d rather deal with someone being disappointed than give too much of myself.

  3. I am really grateful for my sight. The words I read and the things I see connect me to this amazing world and the people within it. The memories I’ve made over the past 20 years are fuzzy and unclear. They’re tainted with the habits of an addict and the foggy brain that made them. I’ve used my eyes in so many negative ways. I’ve abused the gift and squandered time leering and coveting and objectifying. I isolated myself and I hid in the dark from true beauty when I should have been stepping outside to seek the stark beauty within every day. I want to soak in clear memories through intentional living. To see clearly for the first time in decades is a blessing.


#84

94 days clean,

Feeling pretty steady today. I do feel like I am overindulging with food a little bit. I would like to figure out a way to be more accountable with my diet as I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made this fall.

But I’m here to be grateful…

  1. I feel financially stable. I don’t have to worry much about making ends meet and I am thankful for that. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich to try to jumpstart my brain into a career path that I have some passion about.

  2. I had SO much fun with my son and my wife yesterday during our winter adventures. We went sledding and ice skating followed by a walk on the beach (we live near Lake Superior) and the waves were impressive. I tend to forget how stewy I can get if I’m cooped up inside for too long.

  3. There will be more opportunities to do fun things with my family as we gather for Christmas. I rag on them sometimes for their faults and their habits, but my parents did do the best they could because they genuinely cared for my siblings and I. I have it pretty good, and I’m going to try to hold onto that until the New Year.


#85

Day 5 completed! I also wish to share some gratitude I have been feeling :slight_smile:

  1. I am thankful for a trip to one of the Temples of my faith. I went with some of my friends, and we had a lot of fun seeing the grounds lit up in Christmas lights. A good reminder that I could get inside someday, so a positive step for me!

  2. A new profile picture. Maybe it was just what I needed: I recently heard that you need to put your goals somewhere you can see them frequently, and with the amount of time I come to Talking Sober I figured that was as good a place as any haha :slight_smile: Looks good, and feels like a fresh start for me again :slight_smile:

  3. Materials. In our church, we are getting to roll out a new set of manuals to learn from, and I am excited to be a part of it. I have been reading ahead a bit, and I am loving what I am seeing. I noticed that as I take the steps to help myself grow, I seem to find a better day awaits me. I need to be mindful to always keep pushing myself towards my sobriety, and this has reminded me of that. I am also grateful for the reminder.


#86

98 days,

Well, that was an interesting 48 hours. I feel like I wasted a couple of days buried in resentment.

Trying to get back on track with my mindset so here’s some gratitude for the day:

I’m going to spend the day with my family tomorrow and I can’t wait to watch my son and his cousins open presents together.

I’m so thankful for the people who reach out and show me some light when I feel like I’m surrounded by pitch blackness.

I’m exhausted and I’ve got a roof to go sleep under tonight. I’ve got lovable mutt to pamper when I get home. I’m going to make some dinner for my son and watch a Christmas movie with him afterwards.


#87

Almost to day :100:!
What a great gift. Sounds like you’re doing well.
One day at a time.


#88

Thanks Kevin,

Really feeling good in recovery. Yeah, 100 days clean is almost here. Just in time for Christmas! It will be nice going into the new year not having that resolution hanging over my head. As you said, one day at a time.

If only I could get my ego under control and keep focused on MYSELF. I’m learning, and trying to grow. I’ve got to allow myself some grace. I’m not the man with all the answers. I sometimes like to think I am. Life is proving otherwise.

I appreciate you reaching out and offering some encouragement my friend. Glad to have you back in the saddle.


#89

Here I am at 103 days.

I am going to attempt to skip the pre gratitude rant. It sets a strange tone to be irritated about something and then switch to gratefulness. I’ll work on parsing the problems out and address them in the appropriate thread. Instead, I’ll post a picture from some experience that brings me joy.

Today I am truly thankful for:

  1. The anxiety and uncertainty I tend to feel at times. I’m not in a constant state of stress. These feelings are just growing pains. I’m trying to remember to associate this lack of comfort as growth. I can manage the growing pains and I can breathe through the anxiety.

  2. The recommendation of books from the community here. I’m eager to read and learn and I’m feeling positive about using family book club to bridge the gap in communication between my wife and I.

  3. The continued clarity that I feel. As I read more, the more I’ve come to see that the behavior my ego justified was all fucked up. I didn’t understand how to be careful with my words around company. Especially my wife. There is so much that I did to crush her spirit. I approached her from a place of judgment because that’s how I approached myself. I thought that my criticism was encouragement. I couldn’t have been more wrong. As I’m learning to love myself, it’s starting to spill over into other areas of my life.


#90

111 days and I haven’t been active in my gratitude for the past week.

  1. I’m thankful that I have a job and it helps me to support my family. There’s a lot riding on my ability to do my job effectively. If I focus on the negatives of the work I will only manifest that into reality. There are plenty of positives and I shouldn’t take any of that for granted. I can change the aspects of my life that I cannot accept. Simple as that. I just need to work out my bearing and take the first step in that direction.

  2. I have a bunch of fresh snow and some mild temperatures ahead. I passed on an a sedentary activity with a friend who drinks too much so that I could spend the evening cross country skiing and I’m really looking forward to it.

  3. The bonds I’m forming here are like nothing I ever expected. The value of the friendships I’ve made here are priceless. I see how the fellowship will not allow me to turn away from my HP. I wish I could give each of you a firm handshake and embrace you as your brother.


#91

It’s been a week and I’m grumpy this morning. It wasn’t a good way to start the day so I’m trying to recover and salvage what I can.

  1. My wife got a new job. It’s a huge step in helping her support herself financially. It’s been her hard work at self improvement that has made people in our community take notice of her. I am excited to see the ways this will improve our life situation as well now that we will be working the same schedules.

  2. I sometimes forget how much of a blessing that my son is. He’s learning tough lessons every day and I’m learning to be less selfish. It’s hard being a parent but it holds a mirror up to my behavior. I am thankful for the motivation he provides to be better.

  3. I am grateful for the tools that technology places at my fingertips.


#92

Today, I am most grateful for people who are in my life. I have been reached out to by a few people here on the form recently, plus talked to a couple people face to face about my addictions. With new game plans in place, I feel like I can do it! :slight_smile: Let’s see if I can keep it longer than usual haha jk :wink:

I am also thankful for the game plans them self. I need plans on place for when the trials come. If I have learned anything, especially recently, its that I can’t change with wishful thinking - even though it’s very strong wishful thinking. Time to take more action :slight_smile:

I finally am thankful for sleep. I haven’t had a lot of it over the last few years, but I am finding it to be very healing and much needed. I am looking forward to improved sleeping habits. :slight_smile:


#93

I’m grateful to be able to develop my career. I’m grateful I’m choosing to believe in my ability to do so. I’m grateful to those who have helped me and believe I can.


#94

Some great realizations Tyler! Looking forward to watching you put that game plan into action!


#95

Sending you what strength I can muster Mel! There’s nothing I could say regarding your future that you don’t already know. Your determination is inspiring! Hoping your big pitch goes/went? well.


#96

Thanks :blush: it’s at end of Jan. Im having a hard time trusting myself & process.


#97

I’d love to know more. If you ever want anyone to talk it through with, feel free to reach out.

Until then, I’m impressed by your faith in yourself. If you don’t give up, I’m certain things will go your way. Regardless of the result of your pitch. Just keep manifesting that abundance!


#98

Another week down, day 131.

Today I am grateful for:

  1. The skills I have learned to support my family.

  2. The security that my skills provide.

  3. The lessons that my family taught me growing up to sustain myself in spite of any obstacles that are in my path.

Been having a lot of troubles figuring out which direction I should set my intentions for my career. I am allowing myself time to come to the answers. I feel a bit like a young bird with new wings. Looking down at the distance that I might fall, doubtful of my natural abilities. Although, confident that I will be able to heed the call to fly when the right opportunity presents itself. Something to meditate on until the opportunity becomes apparent.


#99

Day 143, 12 days since my last gratitude post.

Today I’m thankful for:

  1. New Beginnings. My wife started her new job today. I’m hopeful that she finds it to be fulfilling.

  2. Health. Something that I most often take for granted. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and I need to be mindful to accept every day for the gift it is.

  3. Growing alongside good friends. I’ve got a small circle. But it’s so great to see and talk with people who are making efforts to grow and make choices to enrich their lives.


#100

I feel I should join you here finally and express my gratitude.

  1. I met with my bishop yesterday. I’m grateful for someone to speak to that will not look down on me, but will hold me in higher regard because of my courage to open up to him. Told him that if there were any others in the congregation that had my same struggle, I would be willing to work together with them to overcome it.

  2. Grateful for a good job. It’s stressful and I feel inadequate frequently, but I know that it is the best route my family has towards stability and success.

  3. Grateful for my children. Even though they drive me crazy on a regular basis. It’s difficult being a Father. Frustrating trying to get them to see something that’s so obviously good and right for them, but they refuse. Very like myself and addiction.

  4. Of course, my wife. I am definitely not as honest with her as I want to be. One of the flaws of my character in this addiction. Still always wanting to hide in isolation. She’s patient with me. Even though I screw a lot of things up.


#101

You’re very welcome to share here, Rob! As is anyone else. I’ve learned that more than any other tool in my toolbox, gratitude seems to be the antithesis of lust/want. It’s making me take stock of the things within my life rather than chasing/craving some idealized fantasy of what my ego feels should be in my life.