Daily Temptation is Exhausting Me

As many of you know, my husband still uses while I’m working on my sobriety. Sometimes my husband acknowledges my sobriety, but most of the time, especially here lately, he keeps pestering me about going out for drugs. He’s either asking me for money to go get the drugs or he’s already acquired the drugs and they’re in our house right under my nose. Lately, it seems like it’s everyday that something related to drug use comes up and I’m getting so exhausted fighting down the temptation everyday. The addict in me is tired of fighting, and I want it. I’ve been resisting though, nonetheless. Its just been really hard, just exhausting. It’s wearing me down and I’m afraid one of these days I’m going to just be like fuck it and give in. I mean God I hope not, but I’m tired, if that makes any sense. Since my husband has gotten worse, I’ve been trying to build my sober toolkit. I confided in a close friend finally about my drug challenges, and she told me to call her anytime I need to. I’ve been watching more NA meetings online, but have yet to go to an actual meeting. Basically, I can tell my resolve is wearing everyday thanks to my husband, but I don’t want to give up. So I’m trying to build up that wall you know? Any advice on how to keep strong would be helpful.

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Apart from the obvious one of going to a meeting in person (which I know you worry about the kids) there is always, phone your friend, go out of the house when you can, I know if the kids are sleeping you can’t. Stay with a friend or family for a few days, harder still think about your marriage and what you want, you can’t keep worrying about your husband you have to put you and the kids first. If you’re going to stay safeguard yourself, take up a hobby you can do to take your mind off it, leave the room and avoid your husband while he uses. Nobody said sobriety would be easy, but everyone will tell you it’s worth it

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I’ve been thinking about my marriage a lot lately. Part of me thinks I should leave, but I don’t have the means to take care of myself. My husband keeps the roof over my head, gas in the car…everything. I did look up a couple shelters in the area where perhaps I could stay while trying to get my feet under me, if I were to leave him, but I feel way guilty about the idea of taking my son out of a house/fairly good living environment, and subjecting him to life in a shelter. I worry what kind of damage that might do to him, to make a transition like that. Of course, then I wonder, how good is his life with a using father… I’m just really conflicted.

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It’s definitely not easy, but you’re right it is worth it. Every night when I go to bed knowing I didn’t use is a great feeling of accomplishment.

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I’m going to be straight with you, there is going to be a time where you need to consider choosing between your sobriety or your husband. Having your biggest enabler in your own home is making sobriety 1000X harder. If what you’re doing isn’t working, you nay need to remove yourself from that situation for a while. :heart:

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I agree. Sobriety is definitely harder with him around, you’re right.

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Ok I’m just going to put this out there, he would need to pay you child support. He can’t just leave you high and dry regardless of what he might say. and depending on what state you’re in, they have low income housing. Maybe try separation? Can he go live somewhere else for a while? With a family member? I have been in your exact shoes where I feel I have no control because my husband makes all the money. However you have rights and it doesn’t have to be YOU leaving necessarily. He can go somewhere else. He sounds like he’s getting worse… What about intervention?

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I would consider going to a meeting. Women for sobriety, aa/na, smart,etc… There are numerous support groups out there. Maybe finding one you like and make sober friends you can talk to. Some can open up doors to possibly new living situations. Many are willing to help and have connections if they feel your desperate for your sobriety… Goodluck

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I agree, you could possibly find a roommate at one of these places.

You and your husband don’t need to get divorced, but you could try separating for a bit

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I think he is getting worse, yes. I hadn’t considered him leaving. I felt like I would have to leave because I can’t afford the rent. How long does it take for child support payments to kick in? I guess it probably depends on the state? I looked at some low income apartments, but they were still a little out of reach for me, but maybe with chikd support income coming in I could swing it…

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Separating would give me time and a chance to really focus on my sobriety, which I do want.

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Nothing has to go through the courts unless it has to, if you know what I mean. HE should be supporting you guys until a split is worked out. Trust me, you have more rights than you know.

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Thanks Donnie. That’s a good idea. I’ve been doing online meetings and I hadn’t considered how a live meeting might help me make Those connections.

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And how long will this last, with him being in active drug addiction? How long until he ODs, gets jammed up with the law, or some dealer comes looking for money owed?

How long until he pulls you back down under the water?

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I wonder everyday. As a result, I just recently started a separate savings account which he doesn’t know about. I’m trying to plan for when that inevitable day comes…

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My husband drinks everyday, and often says lets go out and have a drink. He just doesn’t get it!! Sometimes I can go out and have a few drinks and be fine other times I blackout and bad shit happen. The problem is I don’t know when its going to happen. Now my husband wants to buy a bar, if he goes through with it. I don’t think I can stay with him. I feel no support!! By the way, I think he has a drinking problem also, he just won’t admit it.

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Go buy a bar?! Oh no that would be awful. I can understand at that point why you’d leave. Definitely doesn’t get it…sounds like my husband. Self-centered.

The thing is, it’s going to get worse. He puts a roof over your head, for now. Puts gas in the car, for now. Takes care of your son, for now. I guess my point is what if he keeps using and using? What if you guys end up with nothing? I’ve seen it happen so many times. Hell, I have a cousin in law who used occasionally and made at least 150k per year. 15 years later he is a crack addicted drug dealer, I’m not exaggerating. Took 15 years but it happened. I used to look up to this guy, now he wouldn’t be allowed in my home.

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Contact Social Services and tell them your in the process of separating from your husband, and ask them if there’s any public assistance for basic necessities (food, housing and medical). Found out your options!

My mother did this when I was 12-13 yrs old, and was a mother of 5 kids with no skills at all. My father was an abusive alcoholic.

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Partners/ spouses can be exhausting mentally… you are the most important person in your life… stay healthy and strong even if you come to a point of having to move on. You can’t fix other people! Good luck, you can do this!

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