I’m glad you’re here and asking for help!
It needs a lot of work to get and stay sober. It not only takes the wish to get sober, but also continuous work on changing mindset and lifestyle. And we need connection and help. We can’t do it alone.
Maybe you find this thread helpful: What's YOUR plan?
Please stay here and find you way out of your self harming behaviour. Go for medical help, as soon as possible. You can do it and it’s so worth it 