Dating sober?

Ok - almost back to 30 days feeling very strong and positive but …
how the hell do people get brave enough to start dating without alcohol, im lost with this sort of thing anyway but before I used drink as a crutch … any advice would be much appreciated

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You don’t have to drink to be able to “complete” the date. If she drinks. Well and fine. You don’t have to.
You’re only in a month. That might slip. You’ve to be strong enough to not to drink when they’re drinking. Early on in recovery it’s best to avoid such situations. I’m over five months sober. And I don’t even wander around bars…

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I feel ya. 1 year on this journey of sobriety. And I have not dated. I wouldn’t know how lol. It’s kind of nice though. Doing my own thing, but I feel that soon il be ready. I will also love to hear advice.

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100% agree. “We are always weaker than we think in the day and stronger than we know in the moment.”
You are never as ok as you think you are. I’d strongly consider not dating yet. One of the primary factors in going back to drinking is emotional trauma. You get something good going, you feel positive about it, and …bam…their ex walks back into the pic and you are hurt.
Plus if you know you needed alcohol to be the “social lubricant”, I know I often did, you probably just aren’t ready yet.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but invest in you right now. 30 days seems like a long time at the beginning of soberiety, but I can look back at 30 days and see decisions and choices I made. I was tap dancing in a minefield.
Best,
Chandler

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This is great advice. I planned a couple first dates recently and my first thought is “woo drinks!” and I realized I was more excited about the drinking than the person.

That bonded feeling you get after drinks is completely artificial. The sex you have, if you do, won’t be memorable. I’ve completely blown it with people who were really good for me by shoving booze at them. You have to really want to get to know the person. If you don’t, then don’t date. Focus on you.

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My thought was that alcohol was a Social Lubricant that I needed. The reality is that I was a different person when I drank. I wasn’t necessarily bad, (up until more than a few) but I also wasn’t my True Self.

I have learned that the True Me is an amazing person (yep, tooting my own horn). I always felt better at Social stuff after a few, but any more than a few and I seemed to lose Good Chandler and I was like the obnoxious drinkers that I grimace at these days.

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Wow thanks for all the advice

great question… where I live it seems as though alcohol is the oil that keeps the social cogs turning. I’m pretty sure that’s just cause I’ve been in those circles. If you app - to- date be straight up about it. I’m sure Thtd work.

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I was sober for 4.5 yrs from alcohol, and during that time frame, I realized the more time you give to yourself to refuel your mind, heart and soul to full capacity; the better you can be for anything that comes your way. Finding others to associate with that also want to refrain from using are the ones that you want to be around-for sure! There are a lot of nice people out there that may drink, but honestly may not understand what you’re going through, or that would care or have consideration for your current situation. Eventually finding those who, too, do not want to use alcohol will have things that they are going to want to do with others that dont involve alcohol. Patience is the key here for you. Dont forget to breathe.
I relapsed my 5th year of sobriety because my father passed away, and I know that was not an excuse to keep drinking or even start again. But it took some true soul searching and inner strength, but realized that there ARE people out there who dont want alcohol in their lives. I’m 452 days sober again from a long sobriety, and so is my wife to be! Don’t lose faith…you’ll find the other puzzle piece that supposed to fit next to you; whether youre dating or more than that.

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This is something I was curious about actually because ‘girls’…I likes them! But being back home, closer to 30, sober, (so wrapped up in it as well), just rebuilding a bank balance and back home at my parents…snap what a catch :wink:

But ultimately, my sobriety and health, happiness and stability is more important to me now than my previous life of drinking, partying, using and constant dating.