Dating Sober

So I’m figuring out that without liquid courage that I have no idea how to talk to the opposite sex. My entire dating career has been under the haze of some form of intoxicant. Anyone else have this issue or maybe a story of encouragement?

3 Likes

I feel the same way. All I can think of is how much smoother and funnier I am when I’m a bit intoxicated. But then again, that may only be in my mind. If I’m thinking positively, I guess I can manage without the slurred speech, constantly having to take a leak, and not even remembering any of the smooth talk from last night :joy: Sure it’s scary to be sober and trying to talk to someone, but I wouldn’t want to constantly be drunk just to talk to girls. It’ll probably take some getting used to, but we have to try right? Good luck!

4 Likes

Hey man, im the same way. I’m not very social and outgoing and alcohol helped me with that. Some of my dating and acquaintances were short lived because of drinking. Truth is, i communicate better when sober and leave a better impression. Im sure this is how most people are. Just being yourself and sober is a great impression. People notice right away. Be strong and fear no one.

3 Likes

@Tyler_Neal_Carlson
In all honesty within the first year of sobriety isn’t the best time to start dating.
Need to focus on you and you alone.
I know it sucks but your still trying to figure out who the sober you is right now, your going to go through a few changes both mentally and emotionally. Trying to get to know someone or them getting to know you right now might be a bit confusing for both of you.
But if you chose to try it…just be yourself, don’t be afraid of who you really are…

10 Likes

I’v dated in early sobriety and am still in early sobriety (11 months) it hasn’t been a problem for me although the sober I get the more I have realised it’s better to give yourself a chance to find yourself etc etc and learn how to be happy on your own before sharing your life with another person as it’s a big thing, which when we are drinking and using we don’t think about as alot of it is purely selfish and still can be in sobriety if you are looking to date to ‘fix’ your feelings. Hope this helps :slight_smile:

2 Likes

I’m the same way man. Still very early in recovery and I’m just realizing I talk to them like people and it’s getting easier. I have thoughts of getting in a relationship but I know I’m not ready for the mere fact of how quickly I get emotionally involved in their issues.
Not sure if you do that however.
My best advice would be until any alcoholic loves themself 100% they won’t know the love they need to put out with other people and it will become despairing and confusing.
Ultimately do what you believe is the right thing

3 Likes

@Tyler_Neal_Carlson
I agree with @Rikk… There is a saying in recovery that we attract potential partners that are at the same level of health and recovery that we are. So although it may appear to be a"good" match under the guise that you’re sober, beING sober is not just simply putting down the drink/drug, its more about changing old behavior and thinking so that when we do get into a relationship, it has a healthy chance. Stay strong, stay sober🌹

4 Likes

Sober since 2,5 years and singel :nerd:

How do you go on a date when it so often includes to drink alkohol?
Pretty sure aswell that I can never live with a man who wants to drink…

I therefor need a sober husband but Im not sure how to find him…

At a AA meeting? :yum:

5 Likes

Its a possibility to find a man Who do not drink. Anything is possible

1 Like

I was thinking about this too! Never been on a sober date, will definitely be a different experience! I feel like people kind of judge you If you say you don’t drink in this day and age… Altho they judge you if you go on a date and get hammered too!

1 Like

This subject always tickles me. I lost a long term relationship because of my drinking and when I got sober I decided to make finding a new boyfriend a priority. I have been on many dates sober and dating in sobriety can still be fun so long as you keep yourself safe, anyone who is worth dating should not in any way have an issue with you not drinking. Dating isn’t about getting drunk. I’m 14 months sober this month and couldn’t be happier single, turns out I needed to learn to love myself 1st. I couldn’t imagine dating anyone in aa but that’s not to say that I wouldn’t. I’v totally gone off dating sites, or maybe that’s just because of dating sites here where I am in the uk! I’m now pretty old fashioned when it comes to all that stuff and believe there is someone out there for all of us but for the majority of us we won’t find someone when we’re looking, good on the people that do through :slight_smile:

3 Likes

Theres no such thing as dating in cornwall lol