The subject line was really embarrassing to type. I just have to keep trying, praying, being honest and putting in the work.
So I haven’t been able to break a month sober since June so I enrolled in an IOP two weeks ago. It’s going well but i do have to get honest with them tomorrow.
I appreciate all the kind words and sentiments.
Thank you and God Bless 
Everyone has to start at day 0 hour one, nothing to be embarrassed about, you can only start at the start!! And you have, so that’s the first step 
Be honest and push forward 
Wishing you well 
I hope to see you around more, glad you’re back.
Everyday is a new beginning, your back here and willing to be honest and hopefull thats a great start, keep up the good work.
@Soberlouie keep your head up. What @Mephistopheles said on honesty. Thats the important thing. Keep being honest with yourself. A sponsor. This forum.
Work the steps. They work. For some of us it takes a little longer. I am one of those. I am currently in the struggle with you.
Im currently in complete denial I relapsed after 22days which turned into an on going venture Im still on. If I would have controled my damn self and not give in so ffin fast, like weak ass. Would have been 77days…Then lastnight threw all caution to the ffin wind and went to a gf bday and the favors were everywhere. I kept telling myself u shouldnt have came cuz you cant say No and you know it! So I still slept at least good 5 hours, I have enough to keep me good til Im ready for work tomorrow, then its coffee and cigarettes and weed. I really do want this, for me I hate that Im activly lying to my friends and family, that aint me! This shit is Not my life.
Take it by the minute, 15 minute increments etc etc. Coming off some pretty harsh stuff myself and I set timers. Get to the timer, then hit it again (the timer). That helps. Keep at it. Good luck. Message any time!