Background, terrible past, not great coping mechanisms. PTSD depression anxiety and anger issues. It came to a point when the combination became too much.
Medication and therapy are helping. But I am hesitant to go to AA or rehab.
36 hours ago I went to bed after really bad choices. I woke up having the worst panic attack of my life.
PTSD sucks, alcohol makes it worse, I know. So…
Here I am. 36 hours from my last drink ever. I haven’t been sober this long in years.
So, now what?
Now I’m drinking coffee and distracting myself as much as possible. Wait out the clock till the liquor stores close…
I’m committed to not screwing this up.
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Do anything to keep your mind off it. That’s what I’ve been doing and it’s so fucking hard. All I think about is throwing away 8 days of sobriety and drinking. But I won’t give in, not this time. I want a sober, clean, new fresh start. I want this time to be different and I don’t want to hurt the people I love anymore. But its still hard. So acknowledge the pain, reward yourself somehow for staying sober and keep yourself busy. That’s what I’ve had to learn to stay sober.
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The rooms of AA are amazing!
You will wish you found them sooner!
The promises are waiting for you!
You can do it. I know the feeling… resisting going to the store for food because I knew I’d buy wine or vodka. But if I, who had a grand total of 20 total sober days (non consecutive) in 2017 can make it to 8 straight days, so can you.
Well done! Sober for the longest time in years, sounds brilliant! Be gentle and kind to yourself. You’re doing the best thing ever. Hugs to you.
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