starting over again. It’s been a while, but I’m ready now. Feeling positive, trying to build a support group and putting together a lifestyle plan of change. Wish me luck.
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Same here @BShav3r,very crappy feeling,sad,disappointed, quilty…But you are back and that’s what matters!!!Wishing you good luck!!8)
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Yep, that’s all that matters! One day at a time.
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Don’t give up!!
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Well, I wrote this post this morning, in such confidence. And I meant everything I said! I was so Gung ho… ready… But as I left the house at about 5pm CST, to pick up some work related files from my mother, I stopped by the local store and purchased a pint of Fireball… I poured my first drink, hesitated and reflected on how I had such a great day, confident of staying sober and even joined this group… then I drank the pint, then a beer, then went to the store to buy another… As of now, I have drank 3/4 of the second pint. Still not drunk, but buzzed enough to realize I need to come back to this program and get my shit together. In a way, I am ashamed that I have relapsed so soon, but in another way, very hopeful that I have realized it, documented it, and have spoken about it with the hope that someone else understands and are willing to take their time to acknowledge my sorry tonight and give me support. Please give me support… please… I am 37, been doing this for almost 25 yrs. Been to rehab 6 times, some voluntary, some court ordered, either way, completed them all only to find myself in the groups of despair again… fuck!! Advice, please!!
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Well, I wrote this post this morning, in such confidence. And I meant everything I said! I was so Gung ho… ready… But as I left the house at about 5pm CST, to pick up some work related files from my mother, I stopped by the local store and purchased a pint of Fireball… I poured my first drink, hesitated and reflected on how I had such a great day, confident of staying sober and even joined this group… then I drank the pint, then a beer, then went to the store to buy another… As of now, I have drank 3/4 of the second pint. Still not drunk, but buzzed enough to realize I need to come back to this program and get my shit together. In a way, I am ashamed that I have relapsed so soon, but in another way, very hopeful that I have realized it, documented it, and have spoken about it with the hope that someone else understands and are willing to take their time to acknowledge my sorry tonight and give me support. Please give me support… please… I am 37, been doing this for almost 25 yrs. Been to rehab 6 times, some voluntary, some court ordered, either way, completed them all only to find myself in the groups of despair again… fuck!! Advice, please!!
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Honestly, I’m burnt out of advice to offer, as I’m depleted from interacting with my addict brother. Wanted to reach out and knowledge your post though. I see you.
Sounds similar to how I felt a few months ago-like you’re tired of your self destruction and yet afraid of waking up and no longer going through the motions.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Right now I’m thinking of higher power as that light and imagining us all working to amplify the reflection of that light within ourselves and each other.
Take care friend.
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Day one here too! But do NOT give up!
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For me, getting to the root cause of why I drank to numb the pain was my changing moment. Luckily, I took all the exercises at rehab (issues with control, low self esteem, need for perfectionism, and desire to make others happy) seriously. Saying them out loud and being brutally honest with myself somehow turned on a switch inside me. Like you @BShav3r, getting fucked up is all I’ve known for decades. It drove my actions and friends. No more. I realized that life can be fun without chemicals and I am learning to love me which has given me the strangest sense of calm and peace…even as my job, marriage, and other areas of my life are still uncertain. Wierd, but I am almost thankful to have hit rock bottom to begin really living.
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I know I’m thankful that I hit the bottom. Cuz swimming back up has gained me everything!
Thanks to those of you that responded to this thread either by reply or personal message. I know I am not alone, and that is a great feeling. I am dusting myself off, standing back up and trying once again.
So… Day 1… Again
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I officially have day one under my belt after a weeks long rocky start. Day 2, here I come!
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