I had a solid week free of alcohol and I felt SO good-- groggy, yes…and a little anxious/uneasy (pretty much have these feelings daily, so no biggie) but CLEAR HEADED & just good! Well, that didn’t last. I relapsed and had like, um 10 shots of whiskey last night because I was in my feelings and couldn’t seem to cope any other way . I feel SO gross. Big, fluffy, fat and so freaking uncomfortable 
I just want to live my life without alcohol but it just seems impossible. Every time I try… I only last a week or two and then I’m throwing back the shots again. I have no control. I feel so helpless. Was supposed to have a fun Day with my mom today (plans made while totally sober and V much looking forward to) but I’m hungover, self conscious and so I’m just staying home…I haven’t left my house in days . I hate who I’ve become but I never stick with the changes I need to make in order to become happier and healthier. I really don’t like myself and I feel so alone and like such a failure of a mom and a woman. I can’t keep doing this-- restarting every couple of weeks. My body is so out of shape…I have out on 60+ pounds due to binge eating and drinking. I just feel so disgusted in myself. I need to make the changes. I need to get on track.
Sorry for the huge vent…REALLY REALLY needed to get some of the shit inside out & I don’t really have a support system right now so I figured I would do it here. Ugh.
Today I feel awful inside. Hopefully tomorrow will be “Day 2” and things will be a little better💖
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I came home from a wonderful (sober) camping trip. Something about being back in my home environment, which isn’t the greatest at the moment, pushed me to drink. I know I need to stop making these excuses for drinking… I need to work towards actually changing my situation moving out rather than drinking to numb my feelings about it all😔 Just easier said than done.
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Finacial reasons at the moment. I should have enough saved to be able to move out in a couple more months…just have to be patient until then. I am 27 and living in my parents house with a child of my own has been a huge hit on my ego. I’m back in college full time and working part time…doing my best to create a comfortable future for my son & myself. Both of my parents are alcoholics and so the environment is quite toxic for me😔 They are amazing people but the heavy drinking makes coming home something I dread at times.
By the way, thank you for talking with me. I was eyeing a bottle as I wrote my initial post… Now I’m going on a long walk and feeling a lot more in control.
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I relate so much to you. I too am a 27 year old mom with a son of my own. Currently staying with my in laws to save money. It’s hard being around people that drink & can’t admit they have a problem, while trying to be true to myself.
It’s so hard to shift focus & not drink.
It is possible. Today is my day 1, all over again.
I cleaned the whole house, ate better, got things done. Things I know I wouldn’t be able to do hungover or drunk. I feel good about it, hopefully I stay in the right track.
This tool definitely helps me, it helps to see other people carrying the same burden & choosing to be strong. It is so hard, but possible.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome so far.
We got this, one day at a time!
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It really is so hard to be around people who drink excessively. It’s ALWAYS there and you know that so it’s so easy to slip into the cupboard and screw everything up! I too tried to get things done today that I wouldn’t if I was drinking-- laundry, exercise, tracking my food on Weight Watchers. Just being present and actually getting some stuff accomplished feels so good… I gotta remember how good it feels to do good. We definitely seem to be in the same boat and deal with similar struggles… I’m here for you if you ever need it!! We do got this, we can do this!
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I’m on weight watchers too!!! Lol. I haven’t been tracking like I should be. I’ve been really overeating here lately because I can’t drink.
I’m just feeling sorry & feel like I deserve food or alcohol. But I need to get over it & rise above the bs.
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If it comes down to a drink or a sugary treat I’m picking sugar every time. I never stole from my friends so I could buy a Kit Kat. I never went to rehab bc of Little Debbie.
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I absolutely relate to this. I was stuck in that cycle of wanting to stop so much but feeling completely out of control of my actions. Each morning I would decide not to drink and then by evening I’d be making excuses for a cocktail - and boy are there so many convincing excuses! You are so close to being able to make sobriety a more permanent state. You are able to admit you have a problem and that you need help. You have the desire to quit- and that is such a huge step. What worked for me in the end was not giving myself the option to drink. It was no longer something I could even entertain. Sometimes I focus on how dehydrated it would make me feel, and it turns me right off. Perhaps focusing on the bloated fat feeling you describe in weaker moments will help with your determination? I also recommend the book The Recovering by Leslie Jamieson. She describes the back and forth process from active drinking to sobriety, and it is ultimately very helpful. You’ve come to the right place - we are here for you! 
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I’m just now starting to actually use it…before I would enter my drinks & seriously have no points left for food:flushed:
Then say screw it and drink/eat everything. I would definitely choose food over a drink! Just be proud that you aren’t drinking & the rest will come in time…that’s what I tell myself. I use food and drink to cope too, girl-- we just gotta realize that neither of those are going to help whatever got us down in the first place. The answers to our problems are not in the fridge or at the bottom of a bottle. Stay strong
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It’s such an exhausting cycle! It’s so hard because when I’ve got a sober streak, I feel sooo good but still have this urge to drink just waiting for an excuse to consume me. I just need to be stronger-- Like you said, I need to just not make it an option. I know one drink will forever lead to many many more and I’m tired of living that way! I really think this is it. I hope atleast! Thank you for your comment I’m so thankful to have found this community and people like you who take the time to chat with me.
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I completely understand. But know that it is honestly NOT a matter of you needing to be stronger. This is something that is impossible to excerise strength over. The strength, for me, was surrending to the fact that I am someone that cannot drink. But everyone’s journey is different. everything you’re learning about yourself now will motivate your sobriety. It really has to be one day at a time, otherwise it is just too daunting. I had 90 days then relapsed and today is 100 days - it is really exciting and rewarding to be breaking your own records and you will, too!
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Maybe a different direction ,meeting make it easier wish you well
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