On the phone with my sponsor because I’m 11 days clean (still struggling to even call it that, because it’s just weed, but if it’s JUST weed why is it so hard to quit) and I just rolled the last of my weed into a joint. Struggling to remember why I’m doing this. It doesn’t make me feel like I want it to anymore, but I just want it right now. Will this want ever go away?
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Get rid of anything you have left weed related. I never thought I could live without weed and I am 7 months clean now. To be fair though, I developed CHS where I experienced such a painful episode I never picked up again. So I guess that’s what really kept me from going back. Blessing in disguise for sure. But I’m still surprised I was able to stop completely. I got rid of everything the day after my episode and it just became my new norm to be without and I used to smoke from the time I got up to the time I fell asleep. It gets easier and you’ll find your new normal, and you will feel so much better about yourself. I’ve done a lot of types of drugs and drank since I was a teenager, weed was my favorite and most addicting above all. Once I gave up weed my drinking got out of hand. So I decided I needed to be 100% sober. It’s possible. You’re stronger than you think and you can live a better, fuller life without it. 🩷
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It will. Addiction is always there as a risk though, so you need to grow new habits (which you are). As long as you’re practicing those new habits daily, the want is not present. (If you stop the new daily habits, it comes back.)
It’s not like a light switch - it’s more like exercising; strength builds gradually - but it does work.
One day at a time. You’ve got this, and you’re not alone. Stay connected 
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It will and does go away 
But its much easier to get thru the cravings when ur DOC isnt in full view and easily accessible. In order to get clean from any substance, its really important to make it hard for urself to access it. Get rid of anything that reminds u of ur DOC, block and delete numbers of people that sell to u, etc to make it difficult during the times when ur triggered.
It helped alot to have my reasons written down on paper. Something tangible that i could read when times got tough. I carried this with me everywhere. Its easy for my mind to forget when its trying to convince me to act out in old ways. So reading my list over n over helped alot!
Take it 1 day at a time 1 min or 1 hour at a time even. Its absolutely possible to live a life free from substances
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Hey Matt! Thanks so much for checking in. I ended up flushing it and going to get a bag of chips instead 
today was a little bit better. I guess I just expected recovery to be kind of linear, but it seems more comparable to grief. There’s a meeting in my town on Thursday, and I’m planning to attend for the first time. I need to get out of my own way and accept that this is an addiction that I am now clean and sober from. I spent so long convincing myself I wasn’t addicted, that it wasn’t addictive, and using this language now is hard to come to terms with. I scrolled through the community for a while last night, and it’s super validating seeing everyone’s stories. I’m honestly so happy to be here, and even happier I made the right choice last night. I just finished snuggling my toddler as she slept, and I’m beyond filled with peace that I could be present for the moment. Heading to bed now, thanks again for checking in. Looking forward to being an active member of the community!
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Thank you so much for sharing your story! It’s super validating to hear that others struggle with this DOC as much as I do. I wish I didn’t spend so long convincing myself it wasn’t addictive because I think that’s the hardest part I’m dealing with right now - admitting it. It means so much to me to be able to share all these thoughts with kind souls like you though, so thank you again💜
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Thank you so so much for your reply 
it’s all officially gone. Thing is, I’m in Canada 
so there’s a store right down the street with everything I could possible want right now 
but today was better, and I’m so proud of myself for making the right choice last night. I’m going to remember this feeling next time I’m close to caving, and remind myself how good it felt to hold my daughter tonight as she slept because I was completely sober and able to be present in the moment I appreciate you and your kindness!
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You are so welcome! And I definitely understand. Your feelings are completely valid. 🫶🏻
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Yay! and
Yay!
That’s one of the beautiful things about recovery I think: choice. We can choose to give up and not to give in; we choose to live in a new, constructive way. 
Welcome to Talking Sober! Looking forward to seeing you around
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Wow that’s a great perspective and definitely helps with my desire to have control - especially in a circumstance where I feel very out of control. I can control my own choices. Thank you for that
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Hi I thought of checking in it has been nearly 59 days since I started porn recovery. I am still having reflux due to anxiety insomnia and these are only couple of withdrawal symptoms. Natuarpath has put me on herbs to help regulate dopamine disregulation due to pornography addiction for over 50 years. Also she put some herbs dogwood chaste and Saint Mary’s thirstle. To balance fatty liver. I am getting really better and losing weight gradually. Also GP has given me melatonin for sleep and Paxtine for anxiety. So everything helps I suppose. But all this mental anguish is due to pornography addiction. And my wife is really supportive and we are connecting very important for us. Walking together and my favourite pets my doggies.I need to talk to someone about all this,also the old self is always begging me to come back but no way. I love music reading bushwalking. At the moment we are at a break recovering from a very busy 38years of looking after disabled children/adults. My wife is a real hero I love her. Anyway anyone wanting help or talk and is in same boat.
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Proud of you for all your hard work! I’m so gland your wife is supportive. That makes all the difference in the world. I don’t have much in the way of advice, but it’s amazing that you’ve joined this community and are reaching out! Keep up the hard work
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When you say you’re struggling, can you describe that? Is it a physical discomfort as your brain corrects itself? Or is it more about the unease of sitting with yuck emotions that become present when we remove our crutches of addiction?
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Wow what an incredibly thought provoking question, thank you. I think it’s more the yuck and the desire to do it when I wish I didn’t want it anymore. Being annoyed at whatever is happening around me and just wanting to smoke.
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So what we’re dealing with exists between your ears.
When we turn off the taps of addiction we’re left to dig through the garbage of yuck feelings and thoughts. Hence the term, “doing the work”. The good news it does get better over time.
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Thank you SO much 