Today is day 2 in my recovery…
Here is a little bit of a back story.
My earliest memory of anxiety and depression is when my eldest brother left home to join the army. This was my first goodbye. He then went on to do two separate 8 month long tours in the Afghanistan war. I went months without speaking to him, or knowing if he was okay. This caused great anxiety.
Fast forward to high school and college and
Now have been drinking ever since I was 12 years old. I have made serious mistakes and terrible life choices while on the drink. I’ve dabbled in acid, mushrooms, cocaine, MDMA, ecstasy… you name it. I have had countless attempts to quit drinking, or to moderate my drinking, but I can’t just go half way. I’ve made terrible mistakes While drinking.
Drinking has caused me to make serious mistakes in my marriage. I am a runner, always have been. My father died rather suddenly 5 years ago and I ran half way across the country because I couldn’t be surrounded by his memory. I have made serious mistakes in my marriage due to drinking. Such serious mistakes that I moved out to “save him from myself” and in turn it just turned into a binge drinking fuelled disaster. I’ve gained 20 pounds in 2 months since I’ve moved out and have been drinking to cope with everything in my life that I’ve been running from. I finally feel as though I can’t do it anymore… and I just want to experience life how it should be felt. I haven’t been happy my entire life. Would love to learn how.
Thanks for listening.
Today is day 2 booze free and I cannot seem to get it off my mind. Thoughts of the weekend and how I will get through a summer weekend in the sun without beer is killing me.
Hello Mary…
Welcome!!
It’s pretty darn hard to outrun ourselves. Many have tried.
As they say, and for very good reason, take one day at a time. One hour, one minute if needs be.
Read around the forum, so much good stuff and so many good people here. Check in daily.
It has made all the difference in the world for me.
We’re glad you are here!
Hi and welcome. it’s really helpful not to think too far ahead when you start off, one hour at a time is perhaps the early goals to set for yourself. For me I avoided the social situations that I knew would create difficulties until I had a greater control of my addiction, and i also got support from AA following advice I got here. Nobody is alone and there are so many people only to glad to offer support and help if you chose to reach out. Your doing great believe in yourself.
Welcome. I am glad you are here. Many run to their DOC while running from something. I ran from grief, so I can relate.
Not long into sobriety, I returned to studying martial arts. One thing we learn is to never give your back to an opponent. If attacked from behind, turn into the attack. When you run, you are giving up your back, and your only hope is that you can outrun your attacker. If your attacker is faster, or can outlast you running, you’ll only end up having to fight while tired.
So maybe it’s time to quit running, turn to face that which you are fleeing, confront it, and defeat it.
Hi Mary 10/10 for getting this far. Realisation that things need to change is in my view the first hurdle. Now it’s just about taking baby steps and taking things day by day. Be assured it does get easier and as time progresses you will start to notice a change in how you feel about alcohol and your resistance to temptation will grow stronger. Continue the running it’s a great substitute. Good luck and if I can be of any further support give me nudge x
Hey you, i can relate with the running and the terrible things while drinking, as well as leaving the ex because you were tired of hurting them. Stay strong and we’re here for you.
The alcoholism that you described seems a bit similar to mine (the chronic and seemingly hopeless type)
Id highly recommend a rehab, AA, or both. Quitting substances and alcohol will be a lifetime journey but if you want it deep down in your heart. I promise that you will find it.
Good luck and congratulations on your sobriety
Thanks for your support. The hardest thing I am struggling with even in the first 72 hours is dealing with my emotions. Never in my life have I done it before because there was always a drink to take any pain away. Time now just passes so slowly and it’s like my brain is drowning in depressing thoughts and I don’t know how to cope with them.
You’ve got this! Early on I found it important to stay busy. I needed to occupy my mind so I didnt sit thinking about drinking. The thoughts will fade over time.
it is a break up. That’s how I feel. Because we have had a love affair with the bottle. Don’t think about social functions yet. One day at a time. And if you feel like going to a function will prompt you to drink- don’t go. I’m going to a comedy show on Sat night and I don’t really want to go because I think i’ll feel weird not drinking. And I will but i’ll also remember the show for once! My hubby suggested we go out for dinner first. And I said I can’t. I associate restaurant with wine and I can’t be in a restaurant at the moment. I know i’ll feel shitty and anxious. Because I do miss it. But I know it’s not for me. I don’t drink like a lady. Never have. Once I pop I don’t stop till blackout. And that’s no longer fun.
I know exactly what you mean about being in a restaurant without booze, it’s hard for me to even imagine that. Literally every social function includes getting drunk, i don’t even know how to have small talk without it.
I wish you luck and hope you have a blast at the comedy show.
yup. Every social occasion for me involves alcohol. However I am always the drunkest! And it’s not pretty. I’m avoiding what I can. I’ll go and do active stuff instead because my will power is too weak currently!
My biggest rationalization for not quitting when I first realized I had a problem MONTHS ago was that “but what will this do to my social life?!?” dialogue that started the minute I contemplated it. I dont know if you’re a reader, but I am - I highly recommend ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’. It gave me great perspective and that extra kick of motivation to navigate through it even though it’s going to change things. And isn’t that the point anyway? To change things?
You got this doll! U say to days now before u know it u will be lookin at 2 weeks then 2 months then 2 years! Support is main key and keeping urself busy and if u can get into some therapy to help with the running situation and even with addiction it helps trendiously! I’ve been there myself not with boose but with heroine and crack so I know the deal on that and with anxiety as well it can all be pretty overwhelming but u will get through it and looks like u have come to the right place here! Lots of love and luck! Kimie😘
All I can say is your taking the right steps on starting this journey and we are all here for you stay strong you got this!! We all have to start somewhere in our sober journey
oh I know. It’s even worse when you 11 yo son comes in and asks if i’m feeling better now? I can be an emotional drunk/ pop on some sad tunes and i’m off! And yeh people telling you what you did/said. It’s horrific. I have an identical twin and she is also an alcoholic. And when we used to get together it was a total shit show blackout! And i’ve seen her hammered and so know exactly how tragic I look!
