Day 28 and not counting

Hey guys, I just wanted to share my story and offer some advice to ya’ll. I used to be a user from the age of 8, up until my early 30’s. I’m done. I’m not - ‘done, but secretly looking back, hoping I don’t fall again.’ I’m done because I want to be. I’ve learned that pmo has no benefit to you, it only hurts you, every time. Like no benefit at all. Let me share what I’ve learned.

I’ve always been interested in the psychology and chemistry of the pmo addiction. If I could just learn the “secret” sauce, the mental sophistication, I could beat it. Besides the dopamine hits, the norepinephrine jolts, the numbness that may feel like it’s needed at the time, there’s something deeper. The things I share are from the free ebook “The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn,” a book that I recommend every pmo addict in here to read.

It’s the waterslides you create every time you indulge in what your little green monster tells you. It makes it that much easier to grease the waterslides the next time. But take a step back and think about what you are doing. You just injected a bunch of chemicals into your brain. What does your body do next? It starts closing the receptors. To everything. You no longer have the ability to feel good anymore about anything - hence the numbness. Easy Peasy compares listening to the little green monster all day, just waiting for that time to fire up the computer and snack on some porn; to the act of tying your shoelaces extra tightly just so at the end of the day you can loosen them. Who would do that? There is absolutely no sense in that. Yet that’s exactly what we do when we try to suffer, hurt ourselves all day, just so we can try to get something at the end. You lose something, you actually lose a lot. nothing enjoyable about pmo. It’s all in your head, and it’s all your brain has been telling you as long as you’ve been in it.

The title of this post is because I know I’m going to get some post like, congratulations man, I’m day 1068. But let me be completely honest with you. At day 1068 I don’t think I’ll be talking to you. It will be a distant memory, and nothing more. As much as I like the community, I won’t be here anymore at that time. I want those who still struggle to read easy Peasy, it has changed my life, and it will change yours. It’s the only book I have seen that doesn’t try to “convince” you to stop pmo. It tells you the facts and gives you the option to choose — not the scary - you better quit or you will be hated all your life, or god will smite you - ideas. But cold hard facts. And the biggest one is that there is absolutely nothing stopping you from quitting except your preconceived notions.

My last pieces of advice, which comes from easy Peasy as well: don’t count your days being sober with the mindset that - I’ve made it x days. When you see your sober time, look at it, and say, wow, I’ve taken my life back for the rest of my life. And it all started x days ago. And this is the amount of time I’ve been free of that little green monster. Which I am no longer apart of. I think most people, including myself, were afraid to count the successes out of fear. Fear that sometime it will come back, and with a vengeance. But the truth is that if you are really sure that you don’t want this anymore, not that you are Really trying to do this because God will smite you, or you’re afraid for your relationships being ruined, or you are afraid how others will see that you act more strangely when you are addicted. But you are doing it for yourself. Because you love yourself. Because you respect yourself. That’s when you know the change has taken place.

With love,

Rick

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Great to hear you’ve found your freedom. I’m certain you are aware, that recovery is a long haul journey. I wish you have the tools you need when you reach 1000+ days. Whether or not TS is one of them for you, is not significant. However, one way to stay on the straight and narrow is to help navigate those who are coming after us. Books are great, yet, a great deal of healing happens through relationships. So wherever your recovery takes you, please keep sharing your insights. All the best to you.

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Hello, Olivia. I feel there is need for clarification in my statement, since I may have come across wrong. Recovery is a long journey, but it’s not a long journey in the sense that I would have thought of before, and that which is usually in the context I am familiar with. I want to stress this point because it’s been one of the most significant factors in my recovery. You don’t have to agree with it, but it’s what makes complete sense to me:

Allen Carr’s method of treating addiction was if a patient came into his facility and was still addicted it wasn’t the patients fault. It was his fault. As a math tutor this rings true to me as well (given that the person truly wants to stop).

That is, to inform them on what they needed to know so well that they wanted to stop for themselves. To be so convincing at why you would want to stop that they themselves wouldn’t want to ever do it again. This isn’t some magical idea, and it sounds too easy. But it’s not. Something changed in me. It’s not about a road to recovery or a journey in recovery, but a way of life that is not desired to live beginning at the very last pmo action. as I stated above, if you don’t want to do it, there is no relapse. There is no road or journey. There’s an end and a beginning in time. This is the mindset that I want to instill, and what I’ve learned. If you fell back into it, it’s not something you should beat yourself up about, it means you weren’t convinced enough on the reasons to stop. Something inside you said this is worth the pain. It’s the wrong way to think about it any other way in my opinion, and other ways can lead to excuses to “relapse” again.

In terms of relationship, I want to clear that up here. Support is absolutely great and useful. But it’s not going to be the primary thing getting you to the finish line, in my opinion, as it hasn’t been for me. It’s been the thing you’ve learned and applied yourself. You aren’t stopping just so you can post on a community that you are doing great and get praises. You are stopping because you are convinced yourself that it’s harmful in your life and YOU have chosen to stop for YOU. I hope that clears this up. It’s the independence from others of the primary reason to stop that is important - this is needed for me, so I speak for myself only.

If I have a tool to stop myself from recovery, I promise you 100% I will fall back into addiction. There’s no way in hell I’m getting to 1000 days with a tool. I was the worst of the worst. It’s going to take a lot more. And I promise you, if my mindset is to make 1000 days and then be happy for myself that I “made it” this far, it’s not going to be too long until I fall back. Because I’m doing it for the days. I’m just letting you know for me, it’s good to get praise and feel good for yourself, but if that is a booster I’m relying on, I can promise you 100% I’m going to fail. Again, I speak for myself only.

I want to make sure that this is not me sitting on the soldiers of giants and saying that I’m not. It’s me just telling you my experience that this book has been the MOST influential thing to me. If community on sober time has been the thing for you, i am happy for you, and am grateful for that. And no way take away from that experience for you. And at the end of the day - book or sober time - are both community anyways in the most true sense of the word, right?

All the best,

I am glad you have found the inner drive for your sobriety, I very much agree it is incredibly important to be doing this for yourself.

I tend to agree with you that quitting and posting your number to make yourself feel good is not a long term solution, however I think for many people it helps them. We don’t all have someone in our lives to keep us accountable when your inner thoughts start whispering in your ear. I think that for a lot of people that post here, that accountability is incredibly important to them when they are struggling.

I also feel you are underestimating the importance of having a community of people who will have similar experiences. I know that reading here, and occasionally posting has helped me understand the feelings I am experiencing. There is a wealth of knowledgabe and incredibly giving people here that are guiding others through their sobriety. I hope I stick around when I hit day 1000 and can help someone else the way I’ve been helped.