Day 3 - It's a start

Your Story
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Well hello
Day 3 without alcohol. I’ve had anxiety issues for years now and just about a year ago started back on meds for it.
Then I spiraled down after relationship issues and general life stress.
Each day the drinking increased. I feel like my tolerance is so high now that I drink more and more just to feel it.
I still function with a full time job and being a single mom to a teenage girl. I would drink at night. Or weekends day/night if I wasn’t going out anywhere.
Wine, beer, vodka, rum, bailey’s…whatever happened to be at hand.
My anxiety and depression has gotten worse. So bad that I started cutting. I stopped that only because it wasn’t something I could hide. I had thoughts of suicide. I honestly feel that my daughter is the only reason why I truly am alive. I couldn’t do that to her.
At the darkest point I had a short thought of understanding how someone could kill their child and then themselves.
I will not let the demons win.
My daughter deserves a life. I deserve a life.

I’m sure now the alcohol was having a negative impact with the meds.
I cannot use it as a crutch when all it has done has damaged me more.
I still have alcohol in my home.
I haven’t craved it.
If I do
I will get rid of it.
I have told some friends from my online community as well as telling my ‘boyfriend’.
I needed accountability.

I have set myself a starting goal of 30 days. Even that seems so far away.

So… that’s a lot of blabbing… I haven’t read any posts yet so I don’t know if I’m even doing this right.

If you’ve managed to get this far, thanks for reading.

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Welcome @ChrisP :sunny: We’re a great mixed group of folks, like yourself, that are getting and staying clean and sober…a day (and sometimes a moment) at a time. Feel free to talk…there’s no “right” way. We’re all in this together.

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Thank you very much. It’s somewhat comforting to know that I can reach out to people who understand and will not judge

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Yep, that’s what we’re here for. We’re walking a path of recovery…a language we all speak.

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Being sober eventually gives you objectivity.
Once you’re there you’ll know the demons were tied in with the booze and alcohol’s not your best mate.
And once you’re objective, you can tell them to *c off out of it!

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Things will get better. But it does take hard work and dedication. At my worst I was waking up and drinking, cutting, and only consuming about 100 calories (the 3 slices of cheese to go with my wine and the lime with my tequila) every day. Things can seem very bleak when you are battling depression and anxiety.

I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone! Negative coping mechanisms can sometimes build upon themselves. I’m glad you have stopped cutting! Generally people don’t realize that it can be as addictive as anything else. Talking in the forum definitely helps. Just putting your emotions out there in a supportive environment can help the healing process. Thanks for sharing your story. hugs

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Looking forward to that!

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Thank you for that. There are very few people in my life that I can be honest about myself with. Finding all of you has already been so enlightening.
Hugs back

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Keep up the good work!

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Thank you! It’s early days yet but so far so good!

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The moment you know you need a change is powerful and scary…I am wishing all of us the encouragement to live better and be healthy.

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