Feeling pretty hopeless today. I didn’t know how much quitting this crap would effect me mentally. Anyone else getting off subs?
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I’ve never been on suboxone but I work with people who are. First, holy crap good job making it 49 days! That’s amazing. I see how this stuff holds on to people and they never get off. Take it 1 day at a time and keep reminding yourself that you’re doing amazing!
Thank you. I’m trying to stay strong. I just feel like ill never feel normal again. Its a scary thing
I was on subs 2 years, kinda makes me glad i got caught replasing and landed into treatment. Even though i had self-tapered to 1/8th of a 8-2 film over the last few months, it still had quite the hold over me. I remember the first 2 days in detox i just slept and pushed fluids. When they said my blood pressure normalized, they sent to the residential portion of the facility; where i had chills and flushing for another 9 days.
Ive had more violent kicks when coming straight off H, but none that lasted nearly as long.
But now (160 days in, and tons of AA meetings later) id like to suppose im basically ok. But the truth is, im still plagued by dreams and thoughts that can send me on a trip down “How Shit Used to Be Lane.” But in reality, its because i used without consequences for so long, that it became this self-centered paradise that i knew and loved. But life keeps moving forward, and if i wanna grow too, there are rules i need to live by.
If i want to go out now, i know that ill just have to set my entire life ablaze. Only to end up either alone, or alongside other like-minded people, slowly pushing reality away with each depression of that plunger. And each time i do that, im reinforcing within myself that I’m not enough. That im not strong enough to do this deal, the way it was meant to be played.
But for today, i am noble enough to give this life a run for its money. And its not just about me anymore, theres things i can do for other people, that keep this game rollin’ in the right direction; in quest of fulfillment, not happiness
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That’s awesome! Do you have any depression or mental problems now from using subs? I used for 2 years also. The last 6 months I was up to a strip and a half of 8s. I had tried to quit before but the withdraw was so hard and I was doing it alone. So this time I took my last strip and a half on June 26th, hopped on a plane to Oregon to be with my family where I didn’t have a source of getting it and haven’t taken it since. I regret quitting cold turkey so abruptly but I dont think I could have done it any other way. But let me tell u its been hell. By week 2 I was hearing voices and basically hadn’t ate since day 4 all the way up to day 15. I’m better now but still feel out of it at times almost like I’m high but not a high in familiar with, nor do i like. The depression is super bad as well. I’m on day 50 now and in just beginning to wonder if I permanently damaged my mental health. If I will ever feel normal again. That’s the only reason I feel like giving up and using is so I can feel somewhat normal.
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I think the problem for me has just been: being able to feel, period. And yeah, its been mentally taxing. Especially since i never know when to actually trust what im thinking; or if my addict mind is just warping my thoughts to get me back into my old way of life.
Compound that with having the patience of a dog awaiting a treat, and im sending myself through a mental ringer every chance i get. I remember, saying aloud that id finally found my perfect antidspressant, when finding my DOC combo (H & M). And it worked for me, but how diluted was i thinking i could pull that off forever.
I’m a male, so, I’m leary of antidepressants’ side effects. But I’m also not suicidal. So, for the time being, I’m just trying tho stay the course, and minimize unoccupied time. Lots of shifts at work, and meetings after. The support groups really help to get me out of self, because it’s not a good place at all. But connecting the dots backwards, life’s getting better. …very slowly. Hence the SlowBriety.