This is my 7th day off of alcohol. Last Friday night, drink, fights, police and my partner leaves.
Saturday when I woke up I knew I had to turn things around. I joined here, left my partner, moved to a new flat, took the week off of work, studied the afflictions of alcohol and made notes, to what I have to do to get a life back.
I’ve left my partner because our house was a warzone for many reasons, and since she moved in 13 months ago with her two kids, it’s never worked and it’s been a stressful environment for everyone.
Now my ex partner is emotionally blackmailing me to come back - but she knows we weren’t right since we moved in together.
Focus: If I don’t stay off drink - I’ll end up dead in the gutter. I can only focus on my recovery!
Yes, that last statement is the only one that matters.
She probably doesn’t want to have to raise her 2 kids on her own. In the end, that’s her problem. You going back will only damage those kids worse. I grew up in an emotional war zone. My mom left when I was 5, disappeared for somewhere around a year, then came back to live near us. My parents stayed separated and got divorced, but had split custody. It would have been better had they not tried “getting along for the kids.” Even living apart it was still a war zone. I don’t encourage anyone to put their kids through this, or any kids.
Right now you have to be extremely selfish. Accept that and focus on getting better. Once you start getting better you can evaluate things like this, but not now.
Remember this, “no” is a complete sentence, especially in recovery.
Yes you are 100% right. I didn’t include it in my story, but I have my own 11year old son from my previous marriage ( my ex wife and I are still great friends), my son doesn’t like coming to my house anymore as he said it is always a bad atmosphere. My son and I were inseparable before my last partner moved in. I’ve promised my 11year old son that we will go back to the way we were, and forever stay that way. His mother text me last night and told me that she hasn’t seen our 11 year old so happy for such a long time.
Well there you go I hope for your sake and your son’s you see this through I’ve made so many broken promises and trust us so difficult to get back onec list remember easy does it
Yoda-Stevie I guess you are right, but in the cold light of day, heart strings are still easy to pull. But, as C-sun just wrote, my 11 year old son is more important and I will add also agree with you on that note - as the ex is sobing that her two kids will be affected, but she seems to have little care on the effect that it’s already had on my son.
I’ve always been told that I’m too nice and too soft. I guess it’s time for me to read the get tough manual
Congratulations on your decision to dedicate yourself to being a healthier version of you. It sounds like a very toxic situation that you left. Bravo.
Sounds like she is staying stuck in a toxic life and wants you to stay stuck down in the mud with her. It’s not that uncommon. Do what you need to do to make a healthy life for you and your son. We’re here with you. Stay the healthier course.
I think I’ve been on both sides of emotional blackmail, and I think from her perspective, she probably doesn’t even realize she’s being so selfish. That being said, just because she’s unaware doesn’t mean you have to comply. You see things in a different light, you’re probably seeing things for how they truly are finally…and how can you deny what you know now? She might try to convince you that her feelings are your problem, but that is not the case.
Your pretty much spot on Lea. She seems to think that we should continue the way it is, and now she really thinks that she is hard done for and I’m a beep beep beep for leaving.
Well I’m here if you ever need a reminder that you aren’t crazy for standing up for yourself! Maybe you don’t feel that way… But I know I did. If someone cares about you, they won’t blackmail you into staying in a place that is so far from what you need. Just keep reminding yourself of that…I know it’s hard when the other person seems helpless, but it’s a never ending toxic cycle with situations where only one person see’s things for how they are.
Congrats on a full week! I agree with all that’s been said by others. Your focus needs to remain on your sobriety and your son. Do not allow her back into your life, she will only use you to benefit her and her kids. She sounds very selfish and not worthy of any more of your time.
