Ok…I can only approach this as the father of a daughter, so please consider this perspective:
I think you can’t see the forest because all those damn trees are in the way. You are frustrated because you perceive men treating you like dirt? This isn’t about them. It’s about you. Ask yourself, is a guy who knows what you look like (clothed) is asking you for “pix” (fully clothed, or in some state of undress), he’s already objectified you. He’s already devalued you.
It’s not OK to send him “pix”, on his work-phone or personal phone.
Honor is a gift that a person gives to themselves. No one can take away my honor. I can only dishonor myself.
Don’t be “used to it”. Give respect, and insist on respect in return. Respect begins with self-respect. Don’t settle for “manboys”. Authentic men will value you, for you. In totality. Mind, Soul, and Body. I respect my wife, because I value her as the most important person in my life. I raised my now-married son to have high standards…for himself. I am raising my daughter to have high standards…for herself. One last thing…work is work. Work ain’t play. Conduct yourself professionally in all dealings with others, when you are “on the clock”. If a guy is trying to “push up on you”, brush it aside, as you would a bothersome fly.
If you want a keeper bass, don’t go fishing in a catfish pond. The only thing in a catfish pond are catfish.
I recently saw something about how when you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.
At least for me, I willingly objectified myself as a result of some experiences I had growing up. Unlearning those thoughts and patterns is HARD, and I still struggle with it. For me, working with a great therapist to unpack where those beliefs about myself came from was most impactful.
I was curious about it. And I read the 40 questions and there’s something there that rings a bell for me. Do you know any other ladies That I can talk about this around here ?
The beauty of life is that it’s constantly changing. Nothing is set in stone. It can all change, but the change starts with you.
The GI Joes say that knowing is half the battle, the other half is getting active and working on it.
One of my great joys of sobriety has been peeling the layers of the onion. I’ve gotten to know myself a hell of a lot better. I’ve discovered boundaries and how to protect them. I’ve discovered others boundaries and how to respect them. The instant gratification I got from booze was to make it easier to live with myself and all the terrible things I’ve done, all the inadequacies I manifested. Sobriety is infinitely more gratifying but it took me a lot of work to get over myself.
Keep trudging, get active in your sobriety. It’s like a candle and there are many strong gust that will blow it out, so protect it.
Hiii! Thanks ! I’m just a little concern that I might have other issues to take care about my recovery , 3 years ago my therapist suggest me that I should check some literature about Sex and love addiction and I honestly felt that she was overreacting but @Englishd just posted some info about it , and thought ok I’ll check it and we’ll I guess something else to add to my list of recovery. I’m going to explorer ir a little deeper. And more than ever staying around.
I read the 40 questions a few days ago, and thought a whole lot of them pertained to my thinking and behavior. Lovely, just lovely. Gave me some insight tho about myself.
Exactly my thoughts when I read the post. But somehow I answer more questions positive that I would expected … but I feel at the same time Tanya maybe this could explain a few things about my relationships and help respond a little better.
Exactly my thoughts … I guess another journey to begin about knowing my self … it makes me a little scary but honestly gives me some how hope that I can find help in a place were I do feel very guilty and lost.
I did not send him any pics, just to be clear. I am dutifully ignoring him at work today. I am grateful for everyone on here posting about respect, it really made me desire to be a better person and that maybe the treatment I am used to is actually not ok, instead of thinking that’s just how men are. I am actually glsd this guy turned out to be a douchebag because I have no business dating right now. I can’t even get past Day 4 without drinking cuz some random shithead disrespected me and I let it happen. How would I stay sober if something big happened while dating someone if I react this way to this kinda lame shit. I feel like crap today, hungover and tired. Drank 2 bottles of wine, drove drunk half mile down street go get the 2nd one, crying and carrying on outside on the patio, kids were worried and weirded out, I talked to a bunch of friends online cuz I was feeling super suicidal. This is the shit that repeats itself over and over again, and I want to get away from drinking so badly, but I just can’t seem to keep it going for for very long.
I feel like this is a really important realization. Work on you. Get better, take the time you deserve so you are ready. It’s kind of like preparing the soil before you plant your garden. You’ve got to have a vision for what you want to grow.
I read the 40 questions, most of them don’t pertain to me. But a few are things I do all the time. I definitely know I have unhealthy relationships constantly. Not sure about the addiction part though. I actually enjoy being single and these dudes come out of nowhere and start hitting me up and I’m too stupid to figure out their shit so I get involved, lol! Always regret it. I have dated some of the worst people in the last 6 years, looking back I should have seen the fuckery that is obvious now
@L3AH don’t you DARE be sorry - not to us, not to anyone. You’re an imperfect human being who has emotions and feelings and sometimes they get the better of you and you just think ‘fuck it!!’ - we’ve ALL done that my love, I’m damn sure I will again. I just hope that ONE day I will get to a place where me thinking ‘fuck it’ doesn’t automatically equate to me drinking!! We’ve all got your back xxxx
I’ve gotten a 1000000 times better, but there’s still times when that’s my initial thought. That’s when I play the tape, remind myself of all the detrimental effects and terrible things I did while drinking to kill the romance of the 1st drink. I also think of 5 things I am grateful for, things that would be lost to me if I got drunk.
Twins in that department! My first sponsor once suggested (and I suggest today to those I sponsor) “Try the opposite” especially in love. I married my opposite guy too ️
Maybe it’s different for women, or maybe it isn’t. I dated a few nice woman after the demise of my first marriage, and I dated a couple of psychos. I knew what I wanted, and neither the nice ones, nor the psychos were it.
Then I met my wife, and the moment I did, I felt the universe crack. I am a traditional guy, and approached our courtship in a traditional fashion. Was traditional for me. For her, something completely new and different. She was 22, I was 32. She had just graduated from college, I wasn’t yet a year out of the Corps.
1 year later, we were married. Coming up on 20 years, and she still cracks my universe.
I knew what I wanted, and when I found it, I knew it.
about my recovery , 3 years ago my therapist suggest me that I should check some literature about Sex and love addiction and I honestly felt that she was overreacting but 
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