Day One. My Story

Your Story
1

Not sure why, but today I decided to stop drinking.

After 13+ years of drinking nearly every day, I drove past the liquor store and didn’t stop. The anxiety was overwhelming, breaking a routine that’s had a grip on my life for a long time. Opening up like this isn’t easy for me, so bear with me.

A little background, I started drinking around 14, mostly on weekends at parties. It didn’t take long before that became the thing I looked forward to most. By high school, it turned into drinking a few times during the week too. That path led to four alcohol related charges before I even turned 21. On my 21st birthday, I was on probation with an in-home breathalyzer. I figured out how to beat it, and I kept drinking daily until I got off probation.

When that ended, I saw the Army as my way out. I enlisted at 21 and I’m still serving 11 years later. But the drinking didn’t stop, it got heavier. In that time, I’ve been on a combat deployment, had two kids, been divorced and remarried, completed three rotations, and now I’m serving as a Drill Sergeant.

Being a Drill Sergeant while living like this has been a struggle. I’ve got young men and women looking up to me, and in the back of my mind, I know I’m not being honest about what this lifestyle can do to someone. Most days, I’m up at 3–4 a.m., after my last drink around midnight when I pass out. I wake up hungover, sometimes still half drunk, and drive to work. Physically, I’m not where I should be, and in this job, that matters.

I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m letting my wife and family down. Tired of spending my day just waiting to get home so I can drink. I’ve thought about quitting before, but never could. Today felt different. Nothing dramatic happened, no rock bottom, I just didn’t drink.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I don’t know where this goes from here or how hard it’s going to be. I just know I’m ready for something different. I don’t have a plan yet, and that’s part of why I’m putting this out there.

Any advice is appreciated.

16 Likes
2

My friend, I am so glad you’re here. And so proud of you for driving past that store.

The first few days is hard. But let me tell you, waking up without a hangover is the best damn feeling.

This place has been the difference maker for me in stringing together more than a few days of sobriety at a time. There’s always someone here, and everyone here understands at least some of what you’re going through right now.

Read around, find what speaks to you, and when you start feeling cravings, check in here before you drink.

You can do this. We’re all rooting for you.

4 Likes
3

Welcome aboard, Michael & I fully get what you said. 1st & foremost I am an alcoholic and a retired squid who really applied himself on the weekends…and then there’s Monday 05 PT! And as one of the Corpsmen for a platoon/ company/ battalion of Marines I felt guilty inside many times. I wasn’t 100% in my head, or health, and if someone got injured badly I could have possibly fucked them up worse. I began daily drinking after my last trip to Iraq in 08.

Here’s my bit for you. You’ve invested a lot in your career & you’re over half way. But you have several years where you could trash it all. You don’t have to or need to. If you’re willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober, check out the local AA in/around Benning/Columbus (I suspect you are there) I did jump school at that ratty ass base and remember hearing it was also for boot.

AA is anonymous for a reason. It has helped millions get & stay sober. The command doesn’t need to know and you get the guidance and support you need. This place is awesome too. There are lots of others.

Lastly, none of us do this shit alone (at least not for any length of time) — If we could have, we fucking would have.

6 Likes
4

I’m glad you’re here Michael! This is a great place to find resources and support to combat addictions and help to learn to live sober!

It’s good to hear you feel ready for a change, even if you don’t know where the feeling is coming from or why you feel different. From what you describe, your life seems like it is unmanageable and unhealthy, and that it has been for quite some time.

For me, there were three big factors that helped me get sober. First, contacting a medical professional about my drinking, second was a lot of therapy, and third was finding a community of people who could empathize and understand the daily struggle that is addiction.

I’m not sure how the military deals with treatment for addiction or their views on therapy, so I can’t really suggest anything further for the first two, but the third you can definitely find here or in group settings like AA, SMART Recovery, or Recovery Dharma! They offer in person meetings, but also online meetings as well.

As for a plan, the thread I’ve linked beneath is a great place to find some good advice as well as a lot of input from other people about what’s worked for them!

What’s YOUR plan?

Like I said before, I’m glad you’re here. I’m also glad that you’re being open and honest about your struggles, and that you are looking for help. I used to think asking for help made me weak. But now I understand that asking for help is absolutely a strength, one that really helped me get sober and stay sober. There are a lot of people here who are willing to listen as well as provide their experiences if that’s what’s wanted/needed, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional support. You’re not alone :smiling_face_with_sunglasses::call_me_hand:

4 Likes
5

Welcome :sunflower:

4 Likes