@DianaV - Welcome! I am also a wife and a mother of a two year old and a four year old who realized that my drinking had become completely unmanageable. I played games with myself for years. “Oh, I’ll only drink when I go out.”. “I’ll only drink at home.” “I’ll give up drinking for Lent.” “I’ll only have two.” “I’ll only drink wine.” The list goes on…
The reality is that I. Could. Not. Stop. I was waking up hungover and unable to be totally present with my children. I was craving a drink earlier each day.
I was pregaming in secret before going out and drinking in secret after my husband an children were asleep. I was hiding bottles and recycling. My life was a big mess.
I hated myself. I had become a liar, a fraud, a fake, and I hated myself. Do I want to quit drinking? Hell no. The thoughts of a life without wine are still horrible. So I try not to have those thoughts. I think only, “I’m not going to drink today.”
As I said before, I tried for years to control my drinking and/or to quit on my own. I could not. I had to admit to myself, to my husband, and to my closest friends that I am an alcoholic. For me, AA is essential. Getting a sponsor was essential. I am working the steps of AA. I am now 27 days sober, and I cannot tell you how much better my life already is. I have never felt as supported as I do by the people in my meetings. I feel at peace after I leave a meeting, in a way I haven’t felt in many years.
This forum is also a huge help. I check in several times a day, particularly if I am having a weak moment. Read peoples’ stories. They will remind you why you need to not drink.
I’ll close by telling you what my sponsor told me. I think of this every time I want to have a drink.
“If you play your cards right, your children will never remember their Mama as a drunk.”
I’m glad you are here. You are not alone. Please ask for the help you need!