I’m on day two again. I don’t remember how many day twos that I’ve had before. But it’s been at least three or four in the last six months. I’m a functioning alcoholic for sure. I got promoted last May, my kids are happy and healthy, I’ve got a stable marriage and people who love and depend on me. I’m home every week night by 6 and on the weekends I’m doing laundry, volunteering, working around the house or just playing games with my kids. I’m in control of everything but this. I’m dry and nauseous in the mornings. I pass out in bed at night. I drink almost every day before bed. It’s a cloud that hangs over everything I’ve done. It steals my happiness it steals me from me. At the time of the day when I can sit and be me… I’m not me… I belong to it. I’m so tired. Wish me luck, it’s day two again.
Stickman you got this! Remember you are not alone! I thought I was alone till I found this group. My best advice I got was take one day at a time and if need be hour by hour. You are in a great group with alot of knowledge.
I am a highly functioning alcoholic as well. I know how it is. I just started my journey to sobriety this week. I drank nearly every night as well. It was how I liked to unwind, relax, and forget. Over time it just took control of me. Alcohol is killing the body more than anything. You can stay sober! What helps me to keep staying strong is remembering I want to see my little girl grow up. And alcohol will take me away from that.
If you can accomplish all that while drinking, imagine what you can accomplish while sober!!! I was a functioning addict, but I was dying inside. I felt like I was killing myself. Although I am only 34 days sober, I already feel like I have moved mountains in my sobriety!! Keep at it! Once you get past 10 days all the alcohol is out of your system. I now wake up each morning ready to seize the day. Its awesome.
I need this as my daily alarm clock!
I think by telling ourselves we are a high function alcoholic, we are telling ourself that we are “different” then other alcoholics 
We are not that bad…
But we are!
I had to kick myself for that! I was you!
I hope I do not sound to harsh on you. English is not my native language so it’s hard to find the nuance, but I hope you get what I mean
Work hard! Get help! Go see your doctor or get yourself to a AA meeting. If that’s not an option for you: online meetings like SMART maybe are the one for you.
Be here much! I’m here every day since my day 1, 510 days ago.
Yes, it’s hard work!! But if I can so do you!! 
It’s time for change its amazing how we have control of every other aspect of our lives expect drinking or drugging,just imagine all what you have but without the hangover,the self doubt the depression,the list goes on dont look into how many times you reset just look at what you have learnt each time and keep moving forward.
Hi stickman, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are ready to make a change, you’ve got so much to live for. Time to take a few long hards looks at yourself and get into your recovery. If you’ve tried before and relapsed, as you say, change gears, seek help at meetings, here, through counselling, tell friends you’re trying to get sober, commit yourself! You can definitely do it, but you have to stop expecting it’ll just happen for you and start working for it! Wishing you strenght!
Welcome stickman.
I considered myself functioning too and similar to you. I had a bunch of non drinking hobbies, I got all my jobs done at the weekend around the house. I have a career that I am proud of.
But I knew something wasnt right. I was attending all these things in my life but would often be doing it through a thrumming headache and sour stomach. It was only after getting sober that I realise the things I was doing hungover are infinitely better when I am present for them. More rewarding in every way.
Keep coming back here. Try out the support groups too, AA is the one for me but there are others. It will help you get through that two day sticking point and onto the life you deserve and that your family deserve to see you achieve.
Pretty familiar sounding story.
You seem to have reached a point that I had a couple of months back whereby you realise what you are doing is going to start to take its toll on you eventually, if not already physically and mentally.
A week ago to the day, I decided to stick with the decision to pack it in after a coupe of stop starts like you describe.
I’m going to say that I’ve been lucky so far, touch wood, as it’s been a fairly easy ride to now and on a daily basis I only keep feeling better.
It has crossed my mind what I’d normally be doing in an evening but I quickly push the memory of how shit a hangover feels into my thoughts and think, “nah, I don’t think so”.
Give it a go.
I have been going to bed earlier which keeps me out of mischief.
Even after a week I’ve noticed my physical appearance improve, particularly a tough feeling belly is subsiding and the crappy state around my eyes is improving, something that was giving me anxiety because I am pretty sure that people could easily tell something wasn’t right.
I’m overwhelmed with all the support. Thank you all so much!
I’ve listened to this every day