Dealing with anxiety/depression trying to stay clean

I have been dealing with crippling anxiety and depression for years now. I’ve noticed it’s extremely hard to stay clean while dealing with these issues (even though I was definitely more depressed while using.). Using doesn’t help take that pain away, it only postpones it for a short period of time. I want to stay clean. I really do. But it’s hard imagining my life without the drugs (cocaine), since Its been apart of my life for so long. I think I will return to NA meetings. Anyone else have problems with anxiety or depression that are trying to climb out of their life of using? Please tell me your story. It will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone :heart:

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Gotta head somewhere right now so can’t share a detailed post. But just wanted to drop a line to show my support!

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I struggle with cocaine and Oxycodone use, and I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar with anxiety. And let me tell you the journey to not use has been HARD. As I’m sure you know, whenever I get stuck in my head courtesy of the mental health issues it always starts that trigger for me. Bad day, I wanna use. Anxiety peaks, I wanna use. It’s been quite the struggle but I’ve got 104 Days off the oxy and only 3 weeks off the cocaine. What’s been helping me is just taking it one day at a time. When I look ahead into the future, I get anxious which in turn makes me want to use, so one day at a time. Also, I finally came clean to my psychiatrist that I was also using. I was really nervous about coming forward, but I’m glad I did. Now the psych Dr knows I’m a dual diagnosis case and he adjusted my meds accordingly. It’s only been 3 weeks since the adjustment, but I’m noticing I don’t feel as much despair. But being on the right meds has made a difference. My doc suggested I do therapy as well, but I haven’t looked much into it yet because I can’t afford it. I kind of do self therapy like meditation and reading self help books for insight. Overall, I had to get real with myself before I was able to really tackle my using problems head on. I kept letting the depression and anxiety get in my way. Don’t get me wrong, some days are still awful but by treating my mental health issues proactively I think has helped the drug use.

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Thank you for sharing your story with me. It’s hard, but knowing I’m not alone helps so much. Cocaine isn’t even fun for me anymore, but I can’t help but use. It’s a vicious addiction

Yeah, it’s not fun for me anymore either. It got to the point where when I ran out just created more anxiety, thus continuing a very viscious cycle. It’s hard to break it though. I’ve only made it 3 weeks this time, but this is after a bunch of relapses. I hope I can keep going, but I don’t feel very strong about it some days. Some days it’s all very overwhelming.

I completely agree! I feel so down on myself because I feel like absolutely no one has had as many relapses as I have. I’ve had too many to count and I wonder if this is just who I am and I should just accept it. I try then cave in all the time (even knowing that I’ll hate the end result). If you don’t mind me asking, how many relapses have you had? Cause I’m feeling completely hopeless right now

I honestly dont know how long I’ve been battling this war inside my head and idk how to keep positive and clean when I have all these things to running in my head and it never stops . Idk . I don’t have anyone to talk to bc no one knows my battle I’m fighting . Too scared to say anything bc they’ll think I’m overreacting . Idk …

You gotta somehow get past that hopeless feeling. I knjow easier said than done. Believe me I get it. As I said, I’ve relapsed a bunch of times before I managed this 3 week streak. I would go about 10 Days, get stuck in my head, and relapse. What’s been working is reminding myself more use increases my anxiety and the way I feel afterwards just increases my depression. So there’s no longer any “fun” reason to use.

I don’t think having to battle your mind is an overreaction. Drug use combined with mental health struggles is a huge battle that demands reaction. When I have a bunch of things running in my head, I try to stop and meditate. I tackle one thought at a time, and I attempt to talk myself down. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I just chose the easy way out and used, hence the relapses. Talking it out does have it’s merits, at least for me. Talking gets myself out of my head. If you want to talk ever, I’m happy to listen. Don’t ever worry you’re overreacting. That kind of thinking just minimizes your feelings, and it shouldn’t be that way. Your feelings are always important.

I’m pretty familiar with intense anxiety and I understand feeling that way. Just a few things:

  1. If they do think you are overreacting and can’t understand when you explain your feelings, they just plain don’t understand, and it’s not you overreacting. Not your fault, and just try connecting with someone else.
  2. Keep trying until you do find someone who can understand, it’s important to have people you can talk to about your struggles.
  3. It took years of effort to become as readily open as I am, so be gentle with yourself about reaching out. You don’t have to talk to a thousand people at once. Just nudge your comfort zone bit by bit until you’re ready to try talking to someone new who might get you.
  4. Practicing meditation, mindfulness, and CBT have helped me slow the constant whirlwind of thoughts over time, maybe something like those could help you?
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@jasharlem Just gotta say, I think you’re giving great advice here, I haven’t been sure how to help in this particular thread but looks like you’re well suited for it :smiley: Wish I heard more from you on the forums in general

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@ifs thanks for the kind words. I hope I was of some help in this thread for the OP. I don’t post too much in response to others because I fear I’m being hypocritical (meaning I’ve relapsed, is it wise of me to give advice). I hate to give bad advice, so I only speak up when I’ve absolutely been in the OP’s situation. Don’t want to steer someone the wrong way, but if my experiences (and sometimes failures) can help somebody, I’m willing to post. I’ve received so much guidance from others here, I hope I can pay it forward.

I can understand your hesitation in giving advice. Consider just sharing your experiences, what works and doesn’t work for you, if you are worried about whether the advice is “good” or not. The biggest benefit is in the support. We can’t have all the answers, but sometimes just knowing that someone else has experienced what one is experiencing is huge.

Keep getting better at getting better each and every day!

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Just knowing someone has had a similar experience has been huge for me in some instances. It does go a long way.

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