I have said in previous posts I’m a black out drinker and 99% of the time I didn’t remember half the stuff I’d do or say most the time. So I sat down and had a heart to heart with my boyfriend about a comment he made “I shouldn’t ask him to touch me he should want to touch me.” so I confronted him on what I’ve been feeling, he has lost attraction to me, in a round about way he admitted it. He said not physical attraction but the mental state I’ve put him in he doesn’t see me the same way and it’s going to take time to get back to where we once were. I feel extremely depressed, hurt, rejected, alone. I don’t know how and what to do?
Be your best self and try to stay present in each moment. Do good things for your body, mind and soul. Focus on the things you can control.
The only remedy I know of is to stay sober. I went through the same thing some years ago and after a year of relapsing and messing up my boyfriend at the time told me what it’s like for him when I drink and black put and disappear. He said he was tired of going out all night looking for me, handing my photos out to bars and liquor stores, that he was tired of having to remember when bars open and liquor stores open, when their staff changes shifts, having to drag me off some strangers sofa blacked out and getting confronted by others looking for a fight, having to deal with my shit attitude the next day or week, and having to turn me away from bed because I get frisky when I drink and he felt that he’d be taking advantage of me in that state. eventually his view of me warped, and only showing him that I was more than that unpleasantness changed things, but it takes consistently not doing that to assuage that concern.
Hope this helps, stay strong.
Great reply! So true🙂
Thank you all… I’m trying to stay positive. I just wish I had a magic wand to erase all that bad stuff n go back to where we were.
You may not be able to wave a magic wand but you do have something just as good. It’s a better version of you! If you get yourself through this the person that will emerge will be a better,stronger, and happier person. Let’s face it everyone would like the improved version right?
Do you love him/want to be with him? Forgiveness is a process for both of you. You have to forgive yourself, and understand any anger and resentment he has, to a certain point (if it’s months on and he’s still criticizing you, and wants a pound of flesh or something, that’s when things get different in my opinion). He has to forgive you too. It sounds like you have someone who loves you but is understandably hurt and cautious. As someone else said, focus on the love. Be the best you possible from a global perspective–meaning, don’t try to be the you that you think HE wants, but be the you that feels healthiest and most sincere/honest. When one partner goes through a major life change it’s tough on the other person and the relationship, because you grow used to certain roles and then have to readjust. That happened to me in my marriage–I lost a tremendous amount of weight and went through a lot of therapy, and I changed radically. My then-husband didn’t, and didn’t like the changed me who had confidence and got attention. I’m not suggesting that your relationship won’t withstand recovery, just that there are a lot of considerations that we don’t always realize. Best to you both in recovery and in working through it with your boyfriend.
Yes… Today’s my birthday, first one sober in 4 or 5 yrs… My oldest son, 15 yrs old, wished me happy birthday this morning and told me he’s very proud of me that I quit drinking… Made my day. Now he’s making me dinner, shrimp scampi.
@Violet I completely agree and understand, my previous relationship/marriage ended after I had weight loss surgery and lost a lot of weight, same thing happened with he and I he couldn’t handle the difference between me the way I was overweight and after weight-loss, I hadn’t mentally changed he did.
Happy birthday. And having a sober one. Well done! Always good when you get a meal cooked for you . Enjoy your evening
Thank u @Chad_R
Happy birthday @Rockbottom!!