What are some real ways to deal with breakups and heartbreak? I’ve been told that resentment is the number one offender for relapse. Right now I have no desire to fall backwards, but I also know it’s not healthy to continue thinking about my loved one the way I do. I need to move on, but I dont know how. Any real, true, and working advice would be greatly appreciated. Share your story and how you moved on. I know that time is the only true healer, but how to deal with things along the way is what I need to know. Thanks guys!
Use your Sobriety as a chance to get to know yourself, dont overthink things too much…
Allow yourself to grieve the relationship but do it from a place of acceptance, not resentment (as you mentioned), regret or what ifs. I, personally, am a bit of a wallower. Eventually I had to force myself to turn off the angry, sad music and listen to something uplifting and inspiring. Also, a lot of times we lose ourselves in our relationships so we need to find us again. If you gave up some hobbies or interests, try to get back to them - sober ones, that is!!! Or try out something completely new. Similarly, if some things you participate in now involve or remind you too much of your relationship, maybe take a step back from those things. These are just a few thoughts that came to my mind. You’re right about time being the true healer. And everyone’s timeline is different. I’m still working on getting myself back after a toxic marriage. But I’m a bajillion times better now than I was when in that relationship, I can tell you that much!!
Thank you for the advice. Everyone keeps telling me I can do better or I deserve better. And maybe I do, idk. I just feel like I’m not good enough, like how can she just turn it off like it never meant shit?? Even tho our relationship was built around drugs from the get go, the things inbetween had to mean something right? The dancing in our bedroom, me painting her fingernails and toenails, me straightening her hair, holding each other for hours, holding hands when walking across town, kissing in the rain, the I love yous, the plans to get married couldn’t have been all bullshit could they have been? I refuse to believe that but then how can she just walk away. Turn her back on me when we’ve finally gotten sober like we’ve always dreamed? It hurts so bad that she just walks away when things have finally gotten better…my heart is shattered. I’d rather be beat up, stomped on, stabbed, shot, then burned alive than to feel this pain. It’s awful and its relentless. Neverending pain is all I feel…and to feel it when I finally cant soothe it with drugs. I love her…forever and always…
Sorry you’re heart is broken, Jake… I don’t have any good advice just sending you a friendly hug.
Brother - just know that there is a way back. I hate when people say “I know what you’re going through” but we’ve all experienced hurt from abandonment- someone who chose to leave us - My mother at 14, my brother at 16, my first at 25 after 4 long years. But I’ve learned - when someone wants to leave - let them leave - God has a way of making chicken salad out of chicken shit - someone told me yesterday that although we want to live in the light - accept the shadows that come with it - YOU are not alone - YOU have purpose! YOU mean something - Being a long drug addict - I realize that I was never ME on drugs - I did sick and abnormal stuff I would never do / forgive yourself and someday - Forgive her - keep coming back - only my 2nd day of sobriety here
Surround yourself with a loving and caring sober network and/or friends and family you trust. Avoid social media- in fact I would delete it. Get as much rest as you can, take out any anger or frustration you have at the gym. Go on a walk daily, focus on self care as soon as you can. It’s hard… but time is what usually helps most of all.
It you read my posts from months past you’ll see my story.
I was with my S/O for 3 and a half years, of course my fair share of substance abuse destroyed the relationship, she finally broke it off during my stint in treatment, at first I was spiteful and resentful, and was thinking of ways to resent her and self sabotage. My old ways of thinking, get a bunch of tinder hook ups, drink till I couldn’t stand.
My therapist was telling me the whole time, how she was actually very sick and would not get help on her behalf, I of course was pissed at him and refused to listen in fact I almost got arrested, because I lost my shit in his office. I wrecked my mind trying to find every way to fix the situation, yet nothing could do.
Take this time to practice acceptance, become a better person, work on your sobriety journey and come out stronger. You would be surprised at the results. Do I miss my old life st times sure do, but its mainly cause I miss my stepdaughter the most the times we had, the fun etc. But I can never move forward without letting go of the past.
Find ways to occupy your time, strengthening yourself, dont have resentments, but be prepared for the resentment they have for letting you go especially when you make drastic improvements