So, January 1st 2022 is my new sober date.
I’m struggling with dealing with the embarrassment and guilt aspect. My husband, rightfully so, is very upset and hostile towards me right now.
I just feel very alone and sad that I ruined what we thought would be an amazing beginning to a new year…
Does anyone have any tips in feeling with all these negative emotions? I don’t have anyone to talk to.
So, January 1st 2022 is my new sober date.
I’ve been dealing with the same type of feelings as well. It important to learn how to love yourself and part of that is self care. I’m not sure why you have these feelings or whats happened but a sincere apology is a good start to feeling better. Apologize to yourself and to your husband. make it sincere, no “I’m sorry but”… Apologize for what you did wrong and include sincere plans to make amends and change. I’m no expert in this field just my two cents.
There’s a great community here that can support you. Check for local AA meetings and online ones as they will help.
However, this isn’t the first time that we’ve been through this. At this point, my apologies don’t mean anything to him. I was sober for 3 months and began drinking again in August. It was all good until new years eve, when I went way overboard.
I’m determined to stay sober and I’m glad I’ve found this community.
I do really well with my drinking until I don’t. He believes that I have to learn to control it but for me there is no controlling it. Especially if I have access to more.
Sobriety is the only way for me to go. I will lose everything if I don’t
It’s very fresh since it only happened the other night. So dealing with all these negative emotions is very draining right now. I am hopeful but then in the next moment, I’m in dread.
Are there any local AA group you can attend. Meetings really help.
Hi Marissa Welcome to the community In hindsight when I think about how I dealt with all of that in conjunction with what I know now (which includes reading the Big Book and other literature), it is equated to a symptom vs a disease. The behavior, shame, and guilt was a symptom to the disease of alcoholism. You can keep treating the symptoms: apologize, stay sober for a few days, etc. But the symptoms will keep coming back until you address the real issue, the disease. How do you do that? It’s not as simple as “Just Quitting.” We don’t drink normal; therefore, we don’t quit normal. And everyone’s journey is different. That’s the beauty of this forum: it’s a mixed bag of suggestions in which you can pick and choose what works for YOUR journey. My suggestion is not to just apologize to your husband. But to sit down with him and explain that you have a disease and that you are willing to get treatment for it. Let him know you are going to need his love and support because it’s going to be life changing. If he loves you, he will. I always say start with your primary care doctor. Get AS MUCH literature as possible…hit Amazon lol Look into meetings…they can be on line. It doesn’t always have to be AA. I have another support group besides TS in which some of the members swear on The Luckiest Club, for example. Lean on us for support and know that you are worth sobriety and a AF life!!! Big hugs and sending love and strength
What @Ravikamor said!! Also, if your husband thinks it is a matter of you controlling it, he also needs to be educated as to why that just doesn’t work. Welcome to TS!! I am almost 10 months sober because I come here every day.
Its good to realize that we have bigger issues then just drinking too much. We cant moderate or control it. Ive heard some people say i don’t have a drinking problem i have a problem stopping. Or a thinking problem a compulsive thought to be able to drink and enjoy it or moderate to “control” myself when drinking but it never goes as planned. When i started to see all my troubles as part of the disease i started to seek out treatment from outside sources i no longer was going to rely on my will power or self control to help get through the sickness. So accepting and building up my self esteem, understanding that alcoholism is a major problem i had and couldn’t just overlook it any longer. Its the same for someone who has a major health issue like diabetes or cancer, they might feel the same shame, guilt, denile or hopelessness but they learn to accept and treat the illness to maybe prevent the symptoms. Prayer and meditation helps me with alot of the negative emotions i deal with from so many of my horrible past experiences learning how to forgive myself and have hope, gives me an optimistic view on my future.
I know that as soon as I begin with “I will control it” means, it’s already controlling me. Someone who drinks responsibly, doesn’t feel the need to give them a self prep talk before they have a drink, do they?
I do very well with not drinking throughout the week, just on either Friday or Saturday, it’s been my way of relaxing with my husband.
I will come on here daily and whenever I feel weakness.
I’ll probably be on here a lot during the weekend!
I really enjoy working out and yoga, that’s what I did when I had some sober time. I’ll start feeling better and I’ll jump back into it.
Even just drinking once a week, made me lose all interest in anything because it became a cycle of drinking, hangover, then anticipating the next weekend to do it all over again.
Just remember how bad it felt this last go around and how your husband must have felt im sure there’s a bit of fear there to see you in that state of oblivion, if you start to have an urge just read here often for support. Invest in yourself do the things you enjoy yoga is a good way to get back intune with yourself. Just take it easy and things will get better, good to see you here part of this wonderful forum.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the advice!
Always someone here to help when we need a hand to pick us up.
Come here specially when you feel weak!
My average usage time of my mobile has gone up by 150% approx in the last 2 months because I’m here daily!
I totally understand the shame and remorse your feeling I too did a lot of things that embarrassed myself and my hubby. There is no middle ground on this disease I tried to control my drinking and it never lasted. My hubby is a normal drinker and I use to get really resentful because he could drink normal and I could not! It took him a long time and me relapsing over and over and when he finally realized that I was an alcoholic and started understanding I couldn’t control my drinking he stopped trying to help me control it and started supporting me to stay sober! I make living amends everyday to him by staying sober and waking up with no regrets only time will help you both heal cause it is a family disease and my disease made my family sick too but we are all healing and learning a new way of life together! I wish you well and keep on keeping on you got this you are at the right place! Give yourself a break and let the past be the past!
I’ve been averaging a few hours on this app since January 1st. Even got the notification that I couldn’t reply anymore as a newbie, haha.
Reading as many posts as I can and sharing and asking questions.
I feel the love and it makes me feel really hopeful!
He will begin to understand this. I’m done proving that it is not controllable for me.
Him and my family deserve the sober me because that’s when I’m the greatest and happiest.
I never got one of those! That’s a good sign. Ask all the questions you want, there is always someone around willing to help. I’m a newbie to sobriety too, just 2 months in, but there’s lots of people around with tons of experience!
Congratulations on 2 months!!
Welcome, I have also been in the camp of “well maybe I can control it” and time and time again I’ve proven myself wrong.
Getting through the shame and guilt is very hard but for me it was part of the learning process, and treating it that way made it a little easier to deal with. I did anything I could that was safe to get through this moments: I slept, I listened to music or podcasts, I did crafts I had long forgotten about, I bought myself stuff online not like a big spree but like one or two things I could look forward to, I read, I journaled.
For me, once some time passed usually a few days, I felt less anxious and more like I can start to rebuild. Good luck to you, you can do this
The last two days, I’ve just been keeping myself busy with cleaning and playing with my kids.
I’ll get around to doing more hobbies I loved, once this initial feelings of all the negative subside.
Yeah this community is incredible. Not me, them
All my friend (but one) drink all the time, they don’t want or need to hear my stories about a better life.
But here …The amount of love, kindness, encouragement, stories you can relate to, help you can have if you feel low or even lower, the non-judgment, understanding…it’s everything.
Keep it strong