I’d say 38 days porn free. Quite proud of it, as it’s an unbelievable streak.
I have some concerns though… I’m being both highly restrictive and loose on my definition of porn. Any images - even those of clothed individuals, are pornographic rn for me. Print images, dvds, internet, exercise videos… etc. Even pictures of my own spouse - porn.
But, text based stuff - not porn. Up until today the only text based motivation I’ve used while taking care of myself was chats from my spouse, in conjunction with some toys. Today, I found myself using an AI chatbot.
So here I am… wondering how successful I’ve actually been. Worrying I’m standing atop a fallacy. I know that honesty is critical but also know that if I consider myself slipped, I’m headed into a bender of Reddit threads followed by wishy washy attempts for several months before I ever get a good streak going, and given this is my best streak ever… idk when I’d get it back.
I think a lot of things are difficult to define with sobriety. I also think I do best with a pinch of dishonesty between myself and I, but maybe this is flawed.
Personally I think honesty is the best policy for me.
I’m in my 7th year off of (non-prescribed) narcotics, alcohol, and marijuana. Period.
Have I tried other “fringe” chemicals and stuff. Yes. But I’m a recovering meth and heroin IV user, and my life has become amazing. I’m not destroying my life anymore and I am actually able to function. I don’t expect perfection for myself and if I find something non-narcotic that enhances my life, I’m willing to take it (using good judgement that is).
So that’s my opinion take it for what it is don’t take it to rationalize something you know is wrong though.
Hi friend. I don’t feel prepared to comment on what does or does not count as legit in your sobriety journey, which I think is up to you to decide anyway. You get to create your own goals and must manage them how you will, with honesty and gentleness. However, I can comment on the AI thing.
I am on this app because I am recovering from an AI chatbot addiction of my own. It not only served as my own source of explicit material (written, like you’re describing), but it became a sort of ‘porn’ in itself it terms of its addictive, dopamine-producing qualities. You’re not just risking adding to an actual porn addiction by using chatbots, but you are also introducing a whole different type of ‘porn’—of addictive material—into your life. I would encourage you to nip that in the bud quickly. I saw this not to make you feel bad, but just to warn you as somebody who struggles with it heavily.
It’s also my opinion that you need to do what’s going to keep you moving in the right direction and sleeping soundly over your choices. If/when you feel like you’re slipping, you don’t need to disregard your progress, you just need to alter your course a little. You’ve simply gained more information and want to use that information appropriately. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be proud of the work you’ve done for your health, in whatever capacity that is!
I’ve seen your comment that you’ve slipped, I assume by your original measurements regarding images. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I know the triggers are brutal, and I really hope you can find the support you need on the path to recovery. The fight isn’t over, but I believe in you. May you reach your goals and get your life back. Another 38 days is possible, and beyond!
not easy topic. Personally I know perfectly when something or someone arouses me in a way that I consider addictive or compulsive.The theory of the circles helps me. Inner Circle for me is hardcore/soft porn, Masturbation, Orgasm.Erotic literature
Middle Circle: Arousal images from the real world or comic book images/ IA/ Social Media binging…
Outer Circle: 12 steps/meetings/good literature/connecting with others/hobbies/Church…
Maybe ask a friend to accompany you on your journey away from porn and related subjects. Help can be on the way, much easier then when one tries it alone.
Here is a helpful tool I created to help me navigate through such grey areas.
After years of constant refining of my boundaries, I was forced to pay attention to something I was ignoring for a long time; the status of my own mind. For me, it’s not what I do, but rather, what goes on in my brain when I’m doing it.
Thus, it was not enough for me to stop a bunch of behaviors. I had to stop thinking about my DOC too. For what happens in my brain when I think about acting out? What happens in my brain when I’m checking out a woman on the street? The same dopamine rush that I receive when I view porn. I had a problem with boundaries. Until I paid attention to the state of my own mind, my brain’s toxicity level would shoot up to high levels making it darn impossible to avoid level 9 and 10 behaviors, which would define a reset. Put me in a church full of old women. And I can turn that into porn. Put a blindfold on me, and I can still turn my fantasies into porn. My brain can get pretty hot over a fantasy. And for the record, typing in nasty words into an AI chat app would definitely constitute a level 9 behavior and a relapse for me.
For me, this is the Easy path. Keeping my brain’s toxicity level low by maintaining custody of both my eyes and my mind. If I allow my brain to fantasize wherever it wants to roam with no restraint, that’s where I’ll get it trouble. Then trying to withhold myself from crossing into higher levels. That’s my clear definition of white-knuckling.