Feeling like absolute trash today.
I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago. It’s so hard to explain and understand even for myself, as i have the perfect life. 2 beautiful kids and a fiance.
Anyway, i have been trying to quit alcohol but relapse every 4-5 days (pathetic, right).
Yesterday i was quite stressed because i spoke at a close friends funeral. Afterwards, at home, 1 glass of wine turned into 2 bottles. I tend to become a very aggresive person when drunk. I blacked out.
My fiancé left for work this morning and said we aren’t getting marriec unless i get help (i have a counselling app tomorrow). My fiance called my mom last night becsuse he couldn’t calm me down. I had no idea this even happened. She got very cranky at me today and said i was going to lose him and my kids. I feel so alone and that no one understands me. Last night incident seems the breaking point for me, that this is my final straw. I need to quit, but im scared i cant
Welcome to the group! You recognized that you need to make changes. That is a very significant step. No matter where you think you are mentally you can quit your alcohol abuse! Don’t focus on " I can’t", focus on “I’m going to live a better life”. I know things seem overwhelming, but you can do this!
Well both depression and alcohol are real! Ironically, my depression was a product of my alcohol use.
I like watching motivational video for essence of strength I get out of them.
You’re not alone in how you feel. I don’t have the fiancé or even dating, but I do have a wonderful little boy who needs me and a career I worked so hard to achieve. I’m living the life I should be proud of. But addiction has its firm grasp on me and no amount of “positive self talk” helps. Working a recovery plan and having help is what helps. But even then it’s still a struggle. You have got to do this for you. When you get to that point you’ll know. I don’t want to lose my son, but every time I drink I never know what will end up happening because when I drink I am no longer of sound mind. It sucks. But you’re in the right place. You’re not alone in this.
Thank you both so much for replying. I feel even worse now as i realise in manic episode I’ve thrown away my engagement ring 
Im such an awful person and don’t deserve this life
You CAN do it. What worked for me is keeping really busy, getting up and doing something every time a horrible thought creeped into my head, doing things to keep myself relaxed before bed, i.e a nice hot shower, meditation, a cup of decaf tea. And also keeping in my head the thought, " I’m not going to be that person anymore, I WILL be better, I CAN do this ". Plus you have the support of your fiance, which alot of people don’t have and they still get through it. You just feel extra low today, because you blacked out, I used to as well. At least you bothered to log on to the site this morning, so your already a step in the right direction. Chin up girl, you can do it 
I wish I got that opportunity. My ex simply broke up with me instead of asking me to get help. Please see this as a blessing and that he really cares. I’m still haunted by it.
Jessie. The two go hand in hand. I was diagnosed with depression a few years back. Have been on and off anti-depressants over this time. But I binged my drink too. I could manage days off
Sometimes weeks. But always went back to drinking and like you one bottle of wine could turn to 2 or more easily. Depression doesn’t make you a freak. Drinking doesn’t mean you are the only one.
You are one of many who have the same problems. It sounds as though you have wonderful support. You are at the moment in a cycle of habit and guilt and feeling hopeless. But you are not trapped in that cycle. It is hard to break this mainly because it is so easy to have that first drink. And we know where that leads. You must first want. Really really want to stop drinking. You need also to believe that you are strong enough to do it. Because you are.
Alcohol never solves a problem. Ever.
And you need to know that you really really do not need alcohol. Not even one drink. You are strong enough to take on the world without it
You’re not alone. My depression, anger and alcoholism has almost ruined my marriage a bunch of times. It sucks. I’m in the same boat as you, 2 kids that watch every thing I do. I don’t want to be remembered as a drunk dad. Gotta be strong for them.
You can quit. It is not like you are trying to flap your arms and fly to the moon. Or trying to solve world hunger… you are going to do something that thousands of people do every day.
Not drink; just for today.
Do NOT think… never drinking ever again… just think… “just not today but who knows about tomorrow…” then do the same tomorrow.
The days soon add up.
Hey I know this post is from a while back. Hope you are doing well! Sounds very familiar to my situation
…but my fiance (now husband of 3 yrs none of which were easy) would never tell me how upset it made him, he just let it go on and on and kept forgiving me and minimizing it. I’m almost a year sober now and he throws the past back in my face when I ask him to quit drinking. Glad we are both taking steps to get ourselves in a better place tho.