I managed to mess up everything that I had going so well in my life in the matter of a day. I lost my girlfriend of four years, got a duiD, and got 3 drug charges. I blacked out on xanax and supposedly got into a terrible fight with my girlfriend of four years. I dont remember practically anything from the night but I heard that it got physical causing me to push her and she got some mild bruises from the altercation. This is very unlike me. We have never gotten close to a physical altercation. I was angry and the next day I went on a motorcycle ride while still high on Xanax unknowingly. A caller reported erratic driving and the cops found me pulled over at a local gas station. I also took my drugs with me stupidly enough. So I now face charges for posession of multiple psychedelics.
This all is so much to happen, and to add onto it… It was the first day of my senior year in college. I am greatly depressed and have entered rehab. I previously dabbed rosin daily which is solventless hash oil. It has been 17 days since I have dabbed which is a good acheivement for me considering my daily use of it for the past years.
I just cant believe I managed to mess everything up in my relationship and life when everything was going so well for me…my ex hasnt talked to me since and I dont even know what the fight was about. We never really got into any fights either. I really messed up and now is the time to learn from my poor actions. I couldnt have learned it any harder of a way. I feel like i’m stuck in a permanent nightmare of depression
The positive here is that you are hitting bottom which is a huge step before you can get healthy. You are realizing your life has become unmanageable. I’m so glad you are safe … you could have died on that bike but you didn’t.
It takes courage to ask for help which is what you are doing and you want to change because you know that your life has become unmanageable that’s the 1st step to sobriety. Most of us hit some sort of rock bottom to get to this. Your life can be claimed back if you accept whatever help is given to you, you are in rehab which is a great start. I went to rehab when all else failed (mainly me trying to sort out my problems on my own) I lost my partner, my job, my home, I had no finances, I couldn’t look after my dogs, my drinking nearly cost me my life. Though all of these things I am slowly getting back into my life and you can do the same. Literally take whatever help you can get, you’re alive and you want to change, look after yourself and the rest will follow
Idk if im even replying to your actual comment but look. Girl. I may not of been in your exact shoes but the doing ish you dont remember… Yeah been there done that, on boozr, pills, meth, lean, coke, ect… We hurt the ones we love the most. It blows. Bad. But keep your head up girl. I know in my position, it was beyond embarrassing, but i came back, asked for forgiveness, explained my illness and uf they accepted we moved on to make it better. You have it in you just as i do, we just need to dig deep and find it.
Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. I am disgusted with my actions towards my girlfriend and it’s just so hard for me to get any closure to this situation. I destroyed everything we had that made for a beautiful 4 year relationship. I let literally everyone in my life down. My parents saw her as being the daughter they didn’t have and she saw them as being closer than her own parents even. I am just feeling like a horrible person at this point. I don’t know how I will ever meet another girl because nobody will ever be like the one I lost. I am so occupied in my mind with regret and sorrow concerning losing my girl that I have practically no want to use, because that’s what got me here to start. And it would only make everything worse
