So today I have been sober from alcohol for 32 days. Tonight was the night I had been dreading for a while. It was my husbands birthday celebration with all of of his friends who love to drink and party. We went and ate dinner first, that was fine, I was the only one drinking water and kept getting asked why I wasn’t drinking and if I want to try their cocktails. I said no thank you a few times and then gave in. I had a sip of a couple friends drinks. Then we went bowling and everyone was definitely starting to feel good and get more loud and talkative. Its difficult for me because I have social anxiety and feel I am so awkward when I’m not drinking. Anyway, my husband was drinking beer all night, and I occasionally would have a few sips. I think in total I may have had like half a beer. I ended up dropping him and his friends off at a bar afterwards. They kept asking me to stay, but I felt it was best that I just go home and stick to my plan of staying sober. I feel guilty for giving in to those few sips. Should I feel bad? Did I relapse?
Really depends on what your definition of relapse is. If you’re trying to go dry for the rest of your life, maybe, maybe not. It’s not like you got buzzed or wasted. So, maybe it’s not a relapse. Did you feel the guilt of relapse? Then maybe you should count it.
It’s really up to you.
I really think the coolest part of all of this is you were trying not to drink all night and in the end you went home. I drank because I felt socially awkward as well, but I just realized that I was just in my own head. I am no less awkward when I am drinking, and way less articulate and quick on my feet. I had a tiny sip of my friends beer last night- she ordered this blueberry sour beer and I was curious since it was purple haha. I don’t like beer, and I wasn’t trying it to feel tipsy or drunk, so I don’t consider it anything worse than the two kombuchas I ordered!
I’d consider that a slip. I’d still reset the clock
Good job on not letting the slip turn into a tumble though.
I assume your husband knows you’re getting sober?
It can be difficult hanging around a bunch of loud people who are drunk, especially when they’re downright obnoxious and offering drinks. Best to not be in the situation, even if it is his birthday, avoid those types of things if you have fear and anxiety about it.
Hey! I think the biggest thing is that: this is your recovery and only you can decide. That being said…I can say for me: that if I knowingly drink alcohol it’s a slip/relapse. I’m about nine months in and, about a month ago, I was seeing my boyfriends band play a gig at a bar, happily drinking my seltzer’s as I do now. When I got up to dance to a song and in the middle of it grabbed what looked like my seltzer. WRONG. It was a vodka club, one of my old go tos when not pounding wine mind you. I was mortified!!! I went outside to smoke and had a momentary freak out. But I realized, there was no intent on my part, it was completely accidental, and it was guhross! So I didn’t count it as anything.
I can this for sure though. You CLEARLY want to be sober…and you are working hard at it and getting better at it. This has showed you though how insidious the thought of JUST a sip can be! Use last night to learn from. Perhaps have a talk with your husband about keeping an eye out to see if you say no to a drink and one of his friends keeps hassling you. There might be a better way fof you guys to partner on saying NO (not that he’s responsible for your sobriety…I just know that if someone is closer with your spouse they might get the hint better when they say it) and possibly write a list of why being sober is important to you so you can recommit yourself.
Good luck out there today.
Much Love,
Ely
Don’t let your alcoholism fiool you into thinking a half a drink, taken with intention, is not a slip! It’s called a slip because the slope is slippery! If a half a drink is okay, why not a whole drink? Or two?
As @CaptAZ said, “Good job on not letting the slip turn into a tumble though”.
I’d reset the clock and jump start the recovery program!
Blessings on your house 
Unfortunately yes I would consider that a relapse.
If you were given a drink by mistake that had alcohol in it by the waitress and had a sip, then got rid of it once you found out it had booze in it that would not be a relapse. This was done intentionally.
If you still want sobriety stand up, dust yourself off, and move forward considering this part of the learning process.
I wouldn’t be too concerned about what label you give it. I would consider it a bump in the road and just keep moving forward. Think of how next time you may be able to get through a night like that without drinking anything. Just use it as a lesson, don’t beat yourself up!
Although you may of had a few sip/drinks I definitely wouldn’t consider that a relapse. It is definitely a warning and you should understand that your not cured!
I view a relapse as falling back in to a place prior to you making the conscious decision that alcohol was a no go for you. With that being said, nothing has changed about you needing to be sober! Don’t let this situation give you a false hope or sense that you can handle your alcohol!!! One drink can and will turn into bad things. It’s your journey, it’s your life!
Don’t let anyone else tell you what sobriety is to you. You have to make that decision all by yourself.
I am also socially anxious (fairly certain a lot of us here are when in unfamiliar circumstances) and the last time i had a sip of alcohol was august 12, 2017. My buddy’s wife to be had a birthday crawfish boil and there was about 30 people at his house, and about 20 of those i havent seen in 5 to 10 years until then. I was working the AA program, but not for alcohol, and i was doing well with the substance i went to meetings for.
However, an hour or two in I realized I had not really had a conversation with anyone there, so i proceeded to take out my buddy’s whiskey bottle and the intent was to obtain a bit more social courage.
6 or 7 shots later i was loose and having fun.
However a different friend was highly inebriated and asked me to take him home early.
We left, i got pulled over and smelled like whiskey. East Baton Rouge Parish prison for 16 or 18 hours, and I had to make a phonecall i never once believed i would ever have to make.
“Dad, come get me i am in prison and i got 5 charges last night. One of which is a potential felony.”
The past year has been tough financially. I didnt have the bail money. I didnt have the lawyer fees. I didnt have any of it then. I have since paid back 15 grand to my pops, and i am super thankful that he came and got me bc he always told me growing up… “if you go to jail, I am NOT bailing you out.”
Not a sip since August 12, 2017.
I am not attempting to flaunt a year without booze, bc honestly it has never really been my choice substance. I say all of this above to say this:
If you have had a bad enough experience, you will truly not want the stuff. I urge you to remember what bad experiences you had that brought you here in the first place. Remember the insanity, remember the shame, remember anything you can to help protect you from that next first sip.
You are doing wonderfully, but, if you are in situations like you describe here often enough, you are doing to sobriety a disservice. I understand that it was his bday celebration but, no offense to him, your sobriety is far more important than a birthday event.
I am certainly glad you came here to be honest. Proves that you have some regret about the goings-on of the bday night.
Please stay guarded, and if another event like this is looming in the future please do every thing in your power to avoid it where possible. You are doing so well and I wish you great success in the future.
Bless you in your war versus alcohol.
Your post title is “Did I screw up?” . Short answer in my opinion, … Yes… Yes you did. I view my sobriety journey as pass/fail. The fact that you, and I quote, “then gave in. I had a sip of a couple friends drinks…” I would 100% count that as a fail. But like people have said, this is your journey and your call. If you honestly feel that it didn’t trigger something worse to happen then I guess don’t beat yourself up about it. But also don’t let it lure your into a false sense of security, thinking that you can handle a few sips here and there. I’m sorry if this came off as harsh but I don’t think going about it lightly is the best plan. I don’t know you but I love you and hope for all the best for you and your journey.