# Didn't make it to two years this time

**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/didnt-make-it-to-two-years-this-time/147239
**Category:** Relapses
**Created:** [July 18, 2022, 4:43pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/didnt-make-it-to-two-years-this-time/147239 "2022-07-18T16:43:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 1
**Showing post:** 5

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### Author: ![Matt](https://talkingsober.com/user_avatar/talkingsober.com/matt/32/94732_2.png) [@Matt](https://talkingsober.com/u/Matt)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2022, 5:26pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/didnt-make-it-to-two-years-this-time/147239/5 "2022-07-18T17:26:00Z")

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Welcome back @Jennajen 😇 Its good to see you again. You have a thoughtful, observant, reflective-inquiring way of sharing and communicating. You are a unique and valuable human.

> [@Jennajen](#):
>
> I am afraid of losing control but at the same time I want to lose control?

Control. Control, control. We are funny creatures, us humans.

It might be interesting for you to take some time to dig into what control symbolizes for you. “Control” can be a lot of different things; maybe take some time to ground it in some specific things you can think of.

I had a conversation with my therapist last week about how I felt like I wished \_\_\_\_\_ had been different for me. He suggested that I write two stories: one which is the story of me as I am now, one which is the story of me as I imagine I would be if I’d had \_\_\_\_\_. (This could also be done with two letters: one from the first situation person, one from the second. Like letters to yourself, or to a person who you’d like to write them to.)

And to quote Jennajen in her advice in a thread from earlier days:  
“these aren’t things you have to “prove” to yourself, you should do them because they make you feel good, not because you are trying to please everyone.”

> [@Time for a new Crazy\_Dutchie](https://talkingsober.com/t/time-for-a-new-crazy-dutchie/98388/47):
>
> Not really, but I find it very interesting to log things as a kind of research. And as something to look back on when I’m older. That’s my main priority. I use this thread as accountability for doing the most important things. And also as motivation so that I can see the improvement I’ve made, even if it’s on the most basic things. And I use it to maintain focus on doing my homework. That’s true. I’m scared that if I don’t I’ll lose myself again as I have been living on the edge for almost…

She’s a wise soul. There’s a heart in there with the depth and strength of the earth. She will find her balance. She always does, when she looks into her heart.

You can do this Jennajen. I believe in you.

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