Didn't think I'd make it

One of the easiest parts about drinking is, I’m left home alone a lot. Today is the second time since I’ve started sobriety. The first time was easy because i worked all day and pretty much just went to bed. What was really easy about it was i didnt need to stop anywhere after work. This time i needed to go to the store. As im pre-planning my list, of course my brain automatically starts to select what it wants to drink. I remind myself of all the times ive gave in ‘just this one time’ just to over do it and end up on a bender. Every time i give in, i wake up feeling guilty. I’ve done it hundreds of times, i know the feeling too well. I knew it may be hard for the night, but I will wake up so proud of myself. Cut to the store- head held high, i was going to get what i needed and get out. Then the great debate between the angel and devil on my shoulders. ‘I could get a small bottle of discount wine. Its not enough for me to emotionally spiral and black out. I’ve already saved all this money, what’s $5. Ive done good, i work hard, its just me at home, its not going to effect my family. Ill just chug it before bed, get a little buzz and relax.’ Ive manipulated myself with those words too many times. I know its never ‘just this one time’. I keep trying to convince myself that i can drink on weekends or socially. Truth is, i cant. And even if i could, this is about more than blacking out or embarrassing myself. Its about my health. Its about getting rid of that brain fog and sluggishness. Alcohol has made me forget how happy i was when i was healthy. Its the toxic partner that seems perfect at first, then beats you once their name is on the lease. I cant go back

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Well said :+1:

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Keep thinking those thoughts! Don’t let your evil mind, your alcoholic mind convince you otherwise.

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