Soo last night whilst walking the dog, I walked past the bars and there was a beautiful person sat on their own, as I carried on walking I felt that odd sensation of someone watching me.
When I take my evening stroll I normally have my music plugged in as I enjoy a 2 hour walk… Now here’s where it got random!
This said person tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I would join them for a drink with them, I declined and openly said I don’t drink but thank you for the offer… I thought that would be the end of my interaction… But no instead this person got their stuff and asked if they could walk with me, I felt panicked and stunned and meekly said ‘sure’…
We walked and chatted for a good while, the conversation flowed onto a variety of different topics… Even physics which for me is a rare topic to bring up!
We ended the walk with a kiss goodbye and exchanged numbers.
Now I’m torn…
I feel guilty for having felt attracted and also kissing this person.
I’m in a state of what to do, as I’m new on this road of recovery and I’m meant to be focusing on me and staying clean…
I’ve also got the fact that I’ve only just broke up with my partner and thou I know its over as there has been no communication at all, do I just shut that chapter!
There are so many thoughts racing through my head, they have already text this morning wanting to meet at the weekend for a coffee!
A little bit of guidance here would help!
Do I decline or do I go for that coffee?
FYI, I’ve also got what if this is a serial killer and this is how they get there victims (I think I’ve watched too much criminal mind episodes).
Early sobriety and romance are not a good mix. You said it yourself: you’re still very early in the process, tender and unsure; introducing the complexity and unpredictability of romance with another person will very likely throw you off.
And if I’m recalling right, one element of your addiction included sex and love addiction, is that right? That’s another angle here: the thrill of the initial love - it’s exciting, but it’s just that dopamine rush.
There is no absolute reason you have to do this now. And there are thousands of other people, thousands of other days in your future. It is wiser to politely decline. (And it is an act of love for yourself too: giving yourself time to recover, and get your strength. Rushing into a relationship is, ironically, not a loving thing to do for yourself right now.)
Take care Danni. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
My 2 cents for you would be not right now your doing so great on your own loving yourself and taking care of yourself should be your #1 priority first before jumping in to fast yea matt said it perfectly . Take care please be safe you never know ? Carry some pepper spray or a tazer . Much love
Just as you’ve watched too many criminal minds, I’ve watched too many sappy love stories and am a romantic at heart But damn it do the other two posts make practical sense. Do you have the willpower to hold him off for a bit and just be friends with stern set boundaries for a year?
its fairly common on here to read about peoples recovery getting derailed by a relationship, i see it in person as well. though ive yet to see someone express regret about how they focused on their recovery and waited too long to start up a relationship.
that said, im terribly difficult to reason with and i got into a relationship in recovery way too early. im still clean and sober, and i dont regret the decision, but i do recognize that i was a bit too quick to fire up that kind of emotional engagement.
i still made progress and growth in my recovery during the relationship, and most importantly i stayed sober. so i consider myself fortunate as thats not always the case for some.
talk about it w your sponsor, see what they might say. if youre anything like me youre gonna do what you want regardless of what is suggested or encouraged to you haha, in which case hope i hope its great!
Ah synchronicity!! I just this posted this in the Inspirational Posts thread, but I feel compelled to share it here as well…maybe something to consider…maybe not…see what you think…
@Matt this is why I’m glad I’ve been open about my past and you are right, a relationship would be to just have that dophaime buzz! I always appreciate you words mister!
@Truckinmonster21 having people who know this journey and giving their true opinion is what I need, thank you.
@Ravikamor willpower not a chance as @BJM suggested think I need a chastity belt . I’m just too implusive and I’m sure my brain doesn’t comprehend the word No!
@NDFive, I think being able to air the situation with people who have experienced it allows me to confirm and agree I have to put myself first… The lonely side of my thoughts just tells me to do it… As fear of being on my own always resurfaces !
@les ‘you’re gonna do what you want’ you know before you would be so right, did what I wanted regardless of wise words but one thing I am growing to do is listening and actually taking the guidance because I want to do this right. I am more likely to derail as someone said to me they are drinker and yes I declined this time but could I everytime this early… I don’t think so😁 so I appreciate your story thank you.
@SassyRocks I have so much respect for you and the things you share on here… Was a very good! What a journey we are on !!!
I’m with @Matt @Truckinmonster21 @NDFive
I don’t have this experience personally.
I do have lots of this experience second hand through amazing drug and rehab counselors with over 60 years combined experience and I know they would say; Your sobriety comes first and you don’t need this distraction.
. I’m just too implusive and I’m sure my brain doesn’t comprehend the word No!
