Disgusted at myself

So. Here I am again. Again. Again.
Yesterday we had a family bbq in the garden. I drank 4 pints of cider. And then an entire bottle of Prosecco to myself. And then an entire bottle of white wine to myself.
Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t end badly. I had a lovey time with my family. Made some Easter memories with my little daughter who’s nearly 2.
But when I woke up this morning - no hangover. How accustomed must I be to abusing my body so severely that after that crazy amount of alcohol I feel fine?!
One bottle of wine is binge drinking. So what the hell did I do last night?!
Surely the only way to get this back on track is just to stop. I am disgusted at the level of resistance my body has built up.

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First step of recovery is admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. Seem to me like you’ve done that now. Congrats.
12 step program saved my life and turned everything around. These days I am a happy grateful recovering alcoholic and an addict.
My experience is that we need to talk to other alcoholics and share our experience, strength and hope to remain sober. For me it was easiest to go to 12 step meetings to do so. If I was in your position, that’s where I’d find my way :slight_smile:

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I’m glad you’re trying again. I read your posts from before, this one in particular was full of hope!

It’s pretty terrifying isn’t it? How much your life has to change to accommodate it. But I was listening to a good sobriety podcast that was saying you can’t look at it as a sacrifice. If you are still looking at it as a sacrifice it’ll never work. It’s not a sacrifice, it’s a blessing. You don’t like who you are when you drink so it’s not a sacrifice to give it up it’s a positive change, and that’s what we have to keep reminding ourselves.
Hello day two! Off to London for the day on business. I’ve got this. No post meeting drinks for me.