I’ve had some form of restricting food since I was 16. Since getting sober I’ve been trying to focus on healing that relationship with food.
Does anyone else here suffer from orthorexia or feel like you need to earn food through exercise? If so are there any books or articles you’ve read that have helped. I have recently found intuitive eating. Focusing on taking “moral” language out of describing food, quieting diet culture, fueling your body, and gentle nutrition. I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone can relate. I know, like other addictions, it’s something we tend to hide. So I figured I open up the conversation about it. That’s all 
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Would you say it’s mainly a case of over self-criticism? What do you feel when you are around food? Do you remember how it started? Who do you see in your reflection? My advise would be to learn to love and accept yourself whoever you are. 
It starts with persistent positivity affirmations: you love yourself; you are worthy; you know better; you accept yourself… You can do this while looking in a mirror if that helps break a barrier… Other than that, I couldn’t recommend more researching your unique circumstances online and on youtube and learning, reading, listening to or watching as much as is out there for you! 
You’ll be surprised how many articles/videos can really help you! Raising it to a therapist might also do you good if you’re taking that route?
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I would say it’s a case of perfectionism- which obviously doesn’t exist. I grew up around my mom and grandma who were always dieting- and didn’t need to. So I think some of it is learned but also just as a way to control feelings and emotions. I definitely classify food into good or bad groups- which is silly. Food doesn’t have a behavior, some is just more nutritionally dense. I actually like my body ( most of the time). I think what originally triggered my anorexia was wanting to feel in control of something at a time where I felt in control of nothing. I definitely have been seeking out my own education on it all. I think it all comes from trauma, or a lot of it. Maybe a little from society and my upbringing. More incentive to see a therapist. As always thank you for taking the time to respond
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Anytime Callie! 
I feel like unhealthy perfectionism is maybe something I can relate to… I often have a certain vision of an acceptable self and routine etc and simply feel shit if I’m not totally there… Of course being imperfect isn’t the end of the world, and it’s realistically one step at a time not all at once. Just being too judgemental. Unfortunately don’t have any articles at the top of my mind… Strange, as since I managed to reverse my approach not to judge what or how much I eat, I’m now looking to become more conscious of the health/content side again… Hope you find what you need Callie.
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Yes, I had seriously issues with orthorexia at points in my life. I grew up very overweight, and my mentally ill mother had a very unhealthy relationship with food and she hated herself for how much she weighed. Taking that in, and the subconscious idea that I had to be “perfect” to be accepted, I was very driven to eat a certain way and exercise heavily.
There were times that I religiously weighed everything and then logged it. And I mean everything down to the gram. I’ve tried every way of eating long the line. I would be so angry if someone surprised me with wanting to go out to eat when it didn’t fit within my daily intake, or I would avoid certain gatherings because I knew that I didn’t have the willpower to resist what might be served and my weight was more important than going to anything.
I had jaw surgery and I was hyper focused on keeping my macronutrients perfect. And they were. For one month, I ate out of a syringe, and I had the same thing every day. Bone broth mixed with some very thin vegetable puree, then a protein shake with water, heavy cream, and MCT oil. That’s when I was doing keto. This was before keto became popular.
It is something that can be a serious problem. It’s an obsession and it can really fuck up your life. But if you’re not starving yourself or barfing in a toilet, then you just need to relax and accept yourself because it’s not a problem. I’ve been thinking recently about “addiction” and “obsession” and how they are the same, and yet… kind of different. Like they’re siblings. I feel like this is very much an obsession, though the change of word, and the slight shift in meaning doesn’t make it any less harmful.
Just my thoughts.
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