My dad is passing and he has handled it in a way as to wage war with my mom, his ex, and through that myself also. As to see who will care enough to come through anyway. Well I dont have the patience for these tests anymore. Im angry and would be lying if I said I wasnt.
I was going to go see him, had myself talked into it after working through lunch yesterday. My old church was on the way. I stopped in, but no one was there, I sat in the parking lot and asked God for answers. Immediately I felt like getting my kids and going home. Along the way I received instruction. As a phrase formed in my head, I almost said it aloud, “dont engage an angry spirit with an angry spirit”
My mom informed me she wont be going to the funeral, and I told her we had experienced the same amount of abuse and toxicity from him, that I was only going to go to support her, that if she wasnt going to go neither am I.
I know the best thing for me is not to risk my sobriety over it all so Im going to get through this with my faith and best spiritual instincts
I’m sorry for the way things are happening Branden. Wishing you wisdom and strength, and a sober heart and clear mind to deal with this difficult time and situation.
Its messier than that, but ok, if that makes things fit in a box, I havent totally forgave him, not sure I can. Wrestling with it all, but staying strong in my sobriety.
I’m not going to second guess the message. A year ago I had to talk myself out of shoving a bottle of black velvet into his face and giving him a pummeling and a piece of my mind after talking down to my mom. Its all I can do everyday recently not go over there and verbally lash a man on his death bed. Strong feelings that im afraid may turn violent or at the very least hurtful. Maybe I owe him that much, not to do that, and thats the voice in my head
I can relate to your situation, abusive father dying. When my father was dying I did go see him… once he got sober years before we had talked it out. I didn’t go to a service though; I had said goodbye and that was enough.
I was thinking just last night at some of the horror he put us through and felt bad for remembering it since I had forgiven him. It’s hard to reconcile the mixed feelings.
It takes a lot of courage and self love to forgive someone who has caused so much damage in our lives.
I am in a similar situation with my mother. She is an alcoholic and has caused so much damage to our family. I need to forgive her for my sake but I’m struggling with feeling she doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.
Your story is inspiring. I hope I can find the courage and to do what I know in my heart is the right thing…
It was very freeing I suggest you do it, for your sake. It was hard for me to come to the conclusion that if I didnt and chose to be mad instead, I would be mad forever and I would only be punishing me, not him. He has a final judgment and its not me.
To live in the light, with God’s spirit, I have to ask myself what God would do, made in his likeness, alive with a soul. Through this I find my answers.
I prayed over him, forgave him, asked him to do the same and for God to welcome him home. He wept and started apologizing. I told him to let it all go, that God wasn’t going to let him bring it with him. And I realized the same was true for me, God’s not gonna let me pack up all my hate and anger and let me bring it to paradise, anymore than my dad with his regrets.
A cousin was there and was bewildered I had just found out where he was (not at home but at his sisters’, my aunt) I assured her “If I was to get mad about that, I would be mad forever and God doesnt want that for me. Im on time.” She said “yes you are!!!”
Thank you for taking the time to share that with us. That took a lot of strength and courage, and I hope you have a great sense of peace in your heart. It was a wonderful gift you gave your father before he passes.
This is beautiful, I have a toxic relationship with my mum, extremely abusive lady, I chose to forgive her and pray for her, I struggle to forgive the action taken against me but has a person who has committes terrible things in my life I able to forgive my mum has a person, because i too mess up, make mistakea, be nasty to people and if i want to he forgiven then surely i habe to forgive…
I couldn’t think of a better way for your dad to pass through than in prayer He may have got a lot of things wrong but he git something right…You, your actions here confirm this…
Were all human we struggle and mess up, im sure your dad loves you and is proud of you, he may struggle to say this but his heart knows
I wish you healing and peace whilst working theough emotions that may come, your future seld.will mist definitely be thanking you for forgiving you father.
He may have got a lot of things wrong but he git something right…You, your actions here confirm this…
