I guess overusing alcohol is a choice. You’re physically putting it in your body.
Yet, why don’t I have the choice to have a couple drinks on a Friday night and leave it at that? I wouldn’t want it to spiral out of control like it always does. But it will.
I feel like if I ultimately was in control over everything I choose, I would choose to have a couple drinks socially. I know I can’t though. As of now I have no desire to but this has been in my mind multiple times in the past.
Hi Sonny, thanks for writing this down. What I’m hearing you say is that it sounds like you think alcohol can give you something you can’t give yourself, whether that be looseness or fun. Am I correct or am I misreading you?
That’s the eureka moment.
When I found out this wasn’t my fault and that I had an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body it was a massive relief.
Wasn’t until I knew the problem could I work on the solution.
Stick with this. Right now it might sound limiting because it seems that something is being taken away. Look at all the reasons you can’t. What are your motivations for wanting to quit? Digging deep here can help you transition from “I can’t” to “I never have to try to control my alcohol intake ever again”.
I “can’t” drink alcohol because it makes my life worse. I know this now. I see my inability to drink alcohol now the same as someone who doesn’t drink coffee because it keeps them up at night. I could do it but my life would be worse.
Keep talking this through. You are asking good questions. 
I guess my motivation is a combination having a life that doesn’t keep getting ruined by drinking and also not dropping dead. Plus it’s a huge waste of money. The last withdrawal was something I never experienced and I’m still feelin the effects of it.
I’m just not ready to give up. There’s a lot of rebuilding to do. @liminal.rehab I sort of feel that way. I did a lot of activities before drinking that I liked so know the potential is there somewhere.
@Sonny alcohol to me is the promiser of all but deliverer on none
Everything i did literally involved alcohol even if it isn’t meant to… yard work, cleaning the house, bad day, good day, before a work out, after a work out, while working…it was like “water” for me except it was and is pure poison. I never realized how much of my life it consumed and yet i still didn’t consider myself an alcoholic. I tried so many times to quit or cut down and i would cut down some for about a week or so but couldn’t quit exactly and still not a problem… I just like the taste too much (not so much the aftermath). I could not imagine life without it. How would I function?
Moderation is just not for me. I have accepted this. The “Just one” is the worst thought ever and I shut it up as soon as it arises.
We really can not go into quitting with a mindset that we can eventually go back to it and that in the future we will be able to control it like others do or that we can just get wasted on certain occasions. This is a lie our addict mind tries to get us to believe. Do not compare yourself with others. Who knows why some can and why some cant – Alcohol is a POISON literally ethanol and the chemical just mixes with different people differently. Count yourself lucky to be free of it and living life on life’s terms. Like so many have mentioned here - you now get the chance to work on yourself - really work on all that was pushed aside or swept away during your drinking times (feelings, memories, loved ones, favorite activities etc). You are getting a chance to get to know you.
Once you get to know yourself and become comfortable with yourself (doesn’t happen overnight) you can socialize and have fun without alcohol - so many options these days with na drinks, mocktails, energy drinks, flavored water…etc).In the mean time choose different activities or group of friends where the pressure to drink is not so prominent. Alcohol doesn’t and shouldn’t define you!!!
Yesterday I walked by a terras in front of a pub.
An elderly grey haired couple where enjoying there special beer in the late evening sun.
I felt jealous 
My addictive brain inmedially started to work.
I call that voice my wine witch.
It wants me back in.
I talked to her. Yes I may feel that jealous feeling for a minute ore two. Because yes I can never drink a real beer in the evening sun.
But can I drink another kind of drink in the evening sun? Sure!
It’s not the same, but it’s good enough.
Because if I would have that real beer I know my life would change.
And if I focus on the good things my sober life gave me instead of what I miss it feels free.
I do not miss the urge to drink and I do not want it back.
So do I feel handicapped? I really can’t say. For me it isn’t a black and white thing.
Being sober has brought me a lot! I became stronger and discovered skills I didn’t knew I had them.
But I have a addicted brain and always have to be aware, so in that way handicapped?
Its human nature to want what you cant have but what im learning as i go along is that im beginning to not want it over not being able to have it
I see, do you think that this moment will pass? Maybe this is a tiny blip in your life and the joy, fun, looseness will come back at a later point? Is this feedback coming from yourself or from other people? Why do you think you are not loose or having fun?
Thank you.
You’re very welcome 
Thank you for all the great comments on this thread. It’s like a good battery recharge for my sobriety.
It’s a gift for sure. The compulsion to drink being lifted is just amazing. Thanks for offering this up. Very true and powerful,