I feel scared today cause I don’t want to go back, but the fear is real.
I used to think that if I held out for a certain amount of time, then some how magically I’d be immune, but it obvs doesn’t work that way.
What if I make it, 6 months, 12 months, whatever, down the line and then get sniped by my own addiction, I’m scared of being complacent or off my guard or tricked by the addictive voice, I’m feeling really worried about that today. I don’t want to go back.
10 Likes
Then don’t go back. No one can force you to go back. No one can force you to drink your first drink. Your addiction is strong, it is strong in all of us, but if you stay abstinent and don’t try moderation, you are stronger than that son of a bitch. And know that we’re always here for you and we will do everything in our power to help you if you let us
One thing I’ve found that helps is, if you find yourself in a situation where you suddenly want to drink, more than likely due to a trigger, don’t do it and find something to write on as soon as possible. (Notepad, journal, paper, etc.)
Write out the trigger. Write out how you overcame it. Hold on to these writings. When you’re feeling weak on a particular day, page through them; read all of the times you overcame adversity. That strength will help pull you through that new time as well.
Keep it up 
4 Likes
Pick up tools to add to your tool box and you will be stronger than ever!
In the beginning, sobriety feels like it is something you do, eventually it becomes a way of life, a life style. It gets better.
4 Likes
Perfectly natural.
The best advice I got for this was to simply work on my fears and focus on building a sober life worth living. Sober I can face my fears and they lose their power. At some point there is no more doubt.
Sober’s better, and ain’t nothing in that drank for me.
4 Likes
Yeah, I get it. Thinking about the future leg of this sobriety journey is kinda scary. Who knows what could happen in the next 3, 6, 12, 24 months? If I’m being honest, the idea that a year from now alcohol will still be at the forefront of my mind, that I will have to make a focused, determined, conscious decision to not drink it, and that I will still need to check in here each day to stay on track…is a little frustrating. 
But, like you, I don’t want to go back. So I guess I’ll do what I have to do. Kinda like a meme I’ve seen lately that basically says everything’s hard, “choose your hard”. So I’m telling myself “being a drunk is hard, being sober is hard - choose your hard”. I guess that’s all I can do is choose my hard each day. Today I choose the sober hard. And hopefully tomorrow and the day after too. OK, I’m done rambling now. 
6 Likes
This reminds me of another.
I’d rather go through life sober wondering if I’m an alcoholic than drunk wondering if I can get sober.
5 Likes
The constant thought about alcohol has decreased in my case after about 18 months. Thing is alcohol is so big in society and everywhere you cannot forget it. On a hot day outdoors i do think of a cold beer as it always looks inviting, but so is a nice cold coke once you get into it
4 Likes
Great advice! I’m putting these words in my pocket to carry with me.
Appreciate your voice friend!
Blessings to you 
Just take this one day at a time my friend 
focus on today. Today is all we really have. When tomorrow comes, think about it then. But for today, you’re sober and life is better. Sober life = our best life. Have a great sober day today 
1 Like
I feel you. I get it so bad. Sometimes I get it combined with the fear that it is going to take this much effort forever.
It helps me to listen to podcasts, go to aa meetings, speak to other long term sober people and that tells me that it does get better and does get easier.
2 Likes
Hi @Badger.
Sorry to hear the fear is strong for you in the present moment. It sucks but it is normal and will eventually pass.
To echo the words and sentiments of several of the other group members, sobriety is a journey that never ends.
You will choose your sobriety and recovery over and over again. Some days that choice will be harder than others. Some days people inspire us and build us up. Some days people frustrate us and it feels like we are swimming up stream.
But we must carry on and continue to try.
Sending strength and support your way.
Love this!!!
Fear and a real - But ive learned the difference between fear and reverence - my fear was based on guilt, condemnation, and if my family every found out - Fear made me hide who I was and give in to my spiritual extortion telling me I’m always going to fail and deal with the failures - “I’m a drug addict” and nothing is ever going to change that - and then There’s Reverence - “ a respectable fear” fear of missing up because I know that God loves me and has always been there for me - he reminds me “Fear not - I am always with you” “do not be afraid - I’m here” so reverence keeps me on check because I don’t want to feel every alone - and I’m learning how to talk about my past with my family.
Good luck - you’re not alone
I feel you. Right now I’m out of whack and worried I’m going to go off the rails. Which for me looks like giving up on the life I have set up to keep me in a good place (which means relapse would be a step closer). It takes a lot of work and a lot of conscious effort to stay in a good place mentally.
It can be exhausting. I would be more exhausted trying to put the pieces back together if I relapsed and that thought is about all that’s holding me together right now.
It’s good you’re reaching out. I hope you can extinguish your fear or at least be accepting of it. The only way to get past it, is to get through it. Right now it’s uncomfortable but it won’t always be that way.
3 Likes
Then don’t go back. You won’t have to, if you choose not to. A bit of fear based on previous experience is both healthy and rational. What is irrational is fear of living clean and sober. We see a lot of that here too. “What if I have no social life?” “What if my partner leaves me because I’m sober?”. “How will I deal with stress and bad times, if I can’t drink?”
Clean and sober is the natural state of humans. Having experienced what alcohol abuse did to my life, you bet I fear going back. But I also realize that nothing can make me drink, if I don’t want to, and I don’t want to.
1 Like
Thank you. I really appreciated reading this today. Thank you for the acknowledgement of how much work it can take to stay in a good place.
@Badger
I’m sorry you’re experiencing all that fear. What helps me is the thought that even if there’s a lot of challenges going on in my sober life, at least I’m not making it worse by drinking. I don’t want to have to clean up those messes along with everything else I have to deal with right now. I do not have the energy.
1 Like
I resonate so much with this. I feel like I’ve felt this everyday.
I’m relatively new to the recovery process and recently I properly noticed that complacency is were I relapse. Confidence gives that voice an in and that is so confusing. You’re trying to be strong but as you feel stronger, the danger seems to grow.
But I’ve found to that that fear gave me a new edge, a better warning system. Understanding the fear as just that, a warning from my heart, helped it create less stress and helps me be present. I know it still hurts though. Which is why I love what @NeverJust1 said, ‘choose your hurt.’ That is life. Understanding that this is going to hurt and continue to is terrifying. But I think there’s a place past that fear of acceptance.
Fear is trying to protect you. When you hear it out, it’s asking you to avoid pain and survive. I think we can learn to remember and accept that some pain is necessary. Everything doesn’t have to be isn’t suffering, but suffering is part of balance. Accepting suffering is accepting life. And life is truly beautiful when you can fully accept/ be present in it.
I hope I’ve conveyed this in a way that isn’t to confusing or depressing. It intended to be a message of optimism. I know how you feel, I’m here with you. I’ll keep working on my patience and humility and learn to be comfortable with discomfort and let you know if it works. 
Thanks for this thread, talking it out has helped me I think. 
