Does anyone ever feel horrible and realize you could get rid of that pain for now by giving in to your addiction

I’m suffering. I had an awful day and week, and I broke down crying tonight over everything. I’m really ashamed about crying but I did. Just sitting here thinking of what could possibly end the pain at least for now, and I know the one thing that would…

I know it isn’t good in the long run and I’ve made it about 2.5 months now but that still just means choosing to feel the pain fully and that’s hard. When in the moment you have options to hurt or not hurt and you have to choose hurt it’s hard to accept. Nothing else works for me the same as my addiction of choice to cope with this.

12 Likes

Why ?

It’s an expression of human emotions.
I’m not exactly an expert on those, but in my experience sometimes crying is required to clear up the mind and give way to other emotions.

Crying is a more reasonable respons to emotions than using is, so be proud you chose crying this time :+1:

9 Likes

Hi Daniel! 2,5 months that is really something to be proud of.

Your crying this much because your brain is recovering (the wall) There really is an explanation for what’s going on.

This video explains that, a lot of us gained acceptance through this video. It probably soothes your mind a bit. Please I urge you to take the time to watch this instead of relapse.
That is not an option today :muscle:t2:

And you talk about choosing hurt… Bro you are choosing LIFE.

13 Likes

I know how you feel. Every morning I make a decision to stay clean for today. It helps me to make the hard choice when I’m in pain. Recovery is not easy but it’s worth it. Stay strong!

5 Likes

You need to learn to accept crying as a natural and healthy human emotion. There are times when it is appropriate, such as when you are suffering. It is one of the ways in which we can cope with pain. There are many other healthy ways of coping. I hope you will search for these instead of giving in.

2 Likes

Hi Daniel, crying is not a bad thing as others have said before me. It’s actually a form of you dealing with how shit you feel. Being sober and clean is hard and feeling feelings is really difficult. But numbing with your DOC will make the hard times even harder when you sober up. Be strong! The roadmap vid is definitely worth a watch, it changed my mindset and helped my recovery more than anything whilst I was in the heavy place that you are at. I wish you well and I send strength. We can do this! Together we can x

2 Likes

I’m really sorry your feeling like this,whilst getting clean over the past 2.5 months have you reached out to 121 support or group support as ,it’s amazing you have given up ,but if that’s all you have done then maybe start thinking of getting into a program I feel this would help you out :100: addicts helping addicts Avery simple concept but works time and time again if your not into AA OR NA THATS FINE there are plenty more group thearpys like smart recovery or 121 work with a drug and alcohol support worker .

1 Like

I no longer see an option to hurt or not hurt. I see an option to hurt (continue my use and destroying my life) OR the option to work through what is hurting me. I no longer try to pretend traumatic shit didn’t happen to me by numbing myself with a joint and a bottle. I get an opportunity to work through my shit and find real peace.
Have you thought you may need to seek out additional help for the pain you’ve experienced? A trauma specific therapist? Outpatient program? Working through the 12 steps honestly? Or if perhaps you are talking about actual physical pain finding a new doctor to help with pain management?
Yes, there are days where I think Recovery is a much harder choice. But, there were NO opportunities for growth in my active addiction. Now I have options. So cry it out, there is no shame in that. And do not be afraid to seek out additional help. You can work through this stuff and it will be worth it.

3 Likes

I experienced that as long as my tears are stuck, I am stuck. As I can release my tears and my tension something starts to heal inside me. I start to heal.

1 Like

No, mainly because my DOC made me lose my job, my car, my house and i had to give temp custody to my kids Grandma while i get my shit together, plus i almost ODed. There is no such thing as one more time to me. It always leads to more and the pain i would feel inside isnt worth it.

8 Likes

Our addiction never gets rid of the pain…it just postpones it. It’s best to just deal with it now and move on.

YOU CAN DO IT!

5 Likes

Addictive behaviour multiplies any pain. I’ve been hurting like hell for the last few days. Reasons are many, but what actually counts is, what can I myself choose to do to reduce my suffering. There are number of things and one of them is to go attend a meeting. Take actions, don’t give up.

4 Likes

For me it turned into

“Nothing else could have possibly caused the pain I have felt in life, because of my addiction”.

There’s nothing wrong with crying. Nothing at all. I’m a grown man, and if I hear a song or have a reminder of something and it hurts, I cry. Sometimes it’s a painful cry, sometimes it’s a joyous cry.

Sometimes you just gotta get it out, and feel… that’s how I know I’m really living and not just dead inside.

Keep reaching out, we get it.

2 Likes

Sobriety is only part of the journey for many of us and it sounds like it is for you.

My addictions were the result of more deep-rooted issues around self-esteem and getting sober did not solve those issues, it just solved the additional damage done by my drinking and drug use. I needed addition therapy and CBT to get to grips with the underlying esteem issues.

Your crying (a natural response) could be rooted in more deep-seated issues that sobriety won’t solve by itself, but will require additional help via therapy or some other support.

4 Likes

I can relate. I’m on day 5 Every day is a huge battle and I think about giving in every day. Feel like crying but know if I started wouldn’t be able to stop it. I know it’s all going to surface all at one e feel as if I will self destruct any day know and completely break down. Need help going to get a meeting as everyone has recommend how good they are. Hope we all can stick together and get through this.

2 Likes

No… :100: I KNOW that my DOC will ultimately only cause whatever hurt I’m feeling to hurt :100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100::100: times worse in the long run… Gotta start looking forward :arrow_right: if you really wanna get ahead… :point_up::neutral_face:

2 Likes

For me personally, meetings were/are a lifesaver. You get to see in person that you can make a change, for the better. That people do struggle, but persevere and get right.

Whereabouts are you? If you call AA, they can often send another meeting goer to scoop you up and take you to a meeting and give you a ride home.

5 Likes

Hey Daniel, lots of great advice being given. You have accomplished 2.5 months!! This is great to hear. You have made my morning! I can remember when you first joined. Crying is natural, embrace it and know you are just being human and normal.

4 Likes

Hey I’m surprised someone would keep up with me, thank you. I appreciate that you care enough to still try to help me out

4 Likes

I have been there and honestly sometimes I still feel like I’m there where I feel like my addiction is the only thing that can help me cope…

I look at my day as moments…as choices… we have a 24 hr day, what can we do in that time? How can we be there for ourselves through recovery?

Personally, I started out by making sure I’m sleeping well… a sleep schedule kind of… I began forming good habits little by little… sleeping normally, eating as needed, drinking water, etc. .

When I accomplished these goals, I made more goals… I dont overwhelm myself by putting too much ‘on my plate’… I make sure to do productive things even if it is as small as brushing my teeth…

You’ll feel better soon… it takes time and pacing yourself in trying new things that may help.

Wish you the best. It won’t always be like this.

3 Likes