Does it ever get easier?

Does sexual addiction ever get easier? I’ve had a addiction since I was a teen. I’m on day 3 and like 6 hours. I feel like I could jump out of my skin. This is different than a drinking problem. I don’t really crwsve alcohol anymore but sexual desires they’re always there. I hope it gets easier or maybe I just need to get stronger …

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Since i have been off the alochol my sex drive has been through the roof lately. My boyfriend and i have a long distance relationship and i cheated on him and honestly the sex was better with my long time friend but my boyfriend is a much better man and i feel so bad. I think there is something wrong with my brain cause now my friend wants a serious relationship and i want to be this guy now mainly because the sex is amazing but i wont do it because thats not what you should base a relationship on. I am trying to make things work with my boyfriend because he has been so amazing to me. I dont know if this sex problem gets easier but im sure going to try my best. We could fight this problem together

(@KevinesKay) psssst

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I hear you. It is a disease. Out brains have been poisoned. I have a killer headache. I don’t know if it’s just not from masturbating for over 3 days. I’m sure it has a little to do with it. Just a little on edge.

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@Eric_Anthony_Spicka, hi :slight_smile:

This is the first time I heard you bringing this up. Looking back on your posts, I see that you have been struggling with this for awhile. Thanks for sharing. And I can truly relate. I wouldn’t want to wish porn, masturbation,sex addiction on anyone. But it’s frightfully common. Due to the level of shame that this addiction brings, most PAs and SAs stay in secrecy. And thus, give the addiction more power.

Does it ever get easier? For me, I have developed more tools in my life to help. Without them, I would most certainly fail.

For me, such tools include:
Taking good care of myself
Making more friends
Developing my hobbies and interests
Making good boundaries for myself
Getting out of secrecy and bringing this into the light.

@Eric_Anthony_Spicka, you should talk about this more. You’re definitely not alone. Don’t give this addiction more power by keeping it to yourself. You deserve to have every tool at your disposal. Share with us your about your victories and setbacks on this addiction as you do with alcohol. We want to support you. Don’t do this alone. That’s a sure path to failure. There is hope. You can do this!

And it’s kinda nice to know that there is another fellow PA among us. :slight_smile:
You are definitely not alone.

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Hi @lifejourney, I’m sad to hear about your pain. I can tell that you do care for your boyfriend, and it would seem that this long distance relationship is very challenging. And it doesn’t make it any easier to know that this other guy that you acted out with wants to steal you away for himself. I hope that you can establish better boundaries for yourself. If you haven’t done so already, you’ll need to stop contact with this other lover. Sex with this man makes you feel good. But then the guilt that you feel must be unbearable. Besides, you want more in a relationship than just great sex. And it seems to me that maintaining a long distance relationship can fuel up resentment. And then feelings of entitlement lead to acting out again. That cannot go on forever. If I was in your shoes, I would work on a solution for you two to be together. Because this other friend of yours is not going to let up.

Yes well he found out like a month ago and now we are repairing our relationship. I think he dosent know the extent of how im struggling with certain things but he has been very supportive. When he moves here in a few months i think things will be a little easier but im working on working my way through this difficult time. It has gotten easier since i let go of toxic relationships and i have been honest with myself and this process. Im struggling to let go of my last toxic relationship but i think im ready now. I have been more hopeful than ever lately

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Thanks for sharing @lifejourney. We’re supporting you on this one. Definitely share how you’re progressing in this area of your life. We want to celebrate any victories that you have in this. Because I know that it has to be extremely challenging. If you don’t mind me asking, would you say that letting go of toxic relationships is easier or more challenging than letting go of alcohol?

Thank you so much for the support. I would say letting go of the toxic relationships are much harder than alochol because the only reason drinking was so fun was because i had " good company " as i thought. It hasn’t been too hard to stay sober on my own. It just seems like around certain individuals it was more fun to drink. When im at home or getting work done it really isnt too hard to stay sober. I would say i get cravings sometimes but never usually act impulsively on it

I think the headache is most likely from detox process your body is going through and if your blood pressure is elevated it will leave you with a massive headache

I was suspecting that. I know love addicts that deal with the same problem. Can’t stress enough how setting good boundaries for yourself is important. One doesn’t wind up having sex with someone out of the blue. There is always ritual and intrigue that come into play. The love addict crosses boundaries with other people by flirting with them, going on lunch dates, spending time with them, sharing deep emotional thoughts with them, etc.

I recall one love addict in my circle resetting her sobriety because she emailed a former lover. My first thought was that she was being too harsh. But I grew to learn that love addicts are not only addicted to the sex, but to the relationship, the person, and the feeling that person generates when he/she is around.

And I suspect something similar happens with you. Find out what acting out is for you in this area. Because by the time sex happens, it’s already gone way too far.

I commend you for working on this. This has got to be extremely challenging and difficult for you. Keep pressing on though. The work is worth it. There is hope. And all of us are here for you. You are loved.

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Yes your right i didn’t just act out and have sex out of the blue. I dont have many sexual partners but anyone that i have been intimate with it has been a deep connection. My friend that i was intimate with i have known him for years and there has always been an attraction there between us. So when we came together it was not a suprise. I just didnt know i was going to like him so much and he was going to be so crazy about me. But i am worried i mainly like him because passion between us is unbelievable

But my boyfriend right now is a good man with more to offer for a long term relationship. Its just hard now to live with all of this. But i think being sober is the beginning of me taking responsibility for my actions and trying to fix things. All of that drinking didnt allow me to think clearly

I will work on things slowly as time goes by

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It does! My BF hit 3 months no porn , pros or masturbation yesterday. He did get help though. He used SMART recovery workbooks and works sheets and did some counselling to deal with family of origin issues.

He says it’s way easier now but still gets a little rough when life get stressful. What aspects of SA are you dealing with ( if you don’t mind me asking).

Also do a search the SA community here on the forum has grown quite a bit so you can get support and advice from some of the other people who are dealing with this as well.

I remember this now. @lifejourney, now that this progressed. Would you consider the fact that your instincts are not to be trusted?

Right now, you’re in love. It feels good. But it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the real thing. It concerns me that you’re considering moving on to this new man. Would you consider choosing to be out of a relationship for the time being to take a step back and self-reflect? I think it would give you some clarity. But you’ll need to get support to do that. Because you’re acting like a love addict.

I provided a link to the characteristics of sex and love addiction from SLAA for your review.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/Characteristics-of-Sex-Love-Addiction.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwiR-_K6p73UAhVJzIMKHZR8A4cQFggeMAA&usg=AFQjCNEEeDxq1NfPsQDq4XTQ1c0dlFqMwQ&sig2=kj8oZT8otXPWoVYh1B0xQg

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Your right. I feel really impulsive when making decisions now because im getting sober. I realize im very impatient and need immediate gratification but im learning that its not great to quickly make hasty decisions. Im definitely stepping back and putting my sobriety first and then make decisions later. Thank you for the article

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