Does sobriety lead to solitude?

My fear is being alone.
"Who will want to know about me after so many years among parties, friends, family. My whole universe has always turned on the tables in the bars! They say that the first days are the most difficult, abstinence, hands shaking, heavy conscience, so many things could have done differently! I did not like the AA, it seemed repetitive, uninteresting. It’s a lonely fight. But I will succeed, I want to live being myself, without remorse and in peace. Sobriety, I need it. And - find new friends urgently.

3 Likes

I know it’s hard to do but you need to be comfortable with yourself and being alone

2 Likes

Thanks for words!

I’m trying to change the routine. Thanks!

1 Like

Thanks, I am full of books to read, I will come back to play chess etc.

I went to AA and made loads of friends gone to dances ,10 pin bowling ,curry nights ,hill walking all with my new AA friends but i hope you succeed and have along life in sobriety , wish you well

2 Likes

Thank you very much, I’m going to look for another AA, it may have been just my monsters wanting me to get away from the solution.

2 Likes

Sobriety took me from isolation in my own head to the freedom I’d always craved from the bottom of a bottle

Theres a big wide world put there with amazing people, you’ll never be alone in sobriety

1 Like

Thanks for words!!

thete is no one fit fix for your situation, take it essy andlet things evolve

That’s what I need, change the friendships. Thank you for the words!

In my case…my sobriety kinda led to solitude. I left all of my “friends.” I left my husband. I had to isolate myself from everyone and anyone durning the first month. No contact in social media no cell phone no way to reach out. I went to the middle of no where with no contact so I couldnt reach out and get the drugs. After I could context with family a little but if the mention of drugs came up I could hide away again. Two years later I am divorced newly engaged have lots of family time and a few friends. I dont trust myself to be with friends even if they dont do drugs due to I can persuade a mouse to walk into a cats mouth without even thinking about it.
Two years and still if I have a bad moment(a day to a few weeks) I still pull away run and hide alone. But with all the research everyone says that will become easier and I can fulfill a normal life.

While alone though it wasnt bad I find more comfort in being alone. Then I know what I can and cant do. Learn to love who you are alone then you can accept the love from others.

1 Like

I feel bad for all the people who do this alone, or feel like they have to do it alone. Even if I thought AA did get repetitive it would still be worth because of the family I gained there and the knowledge I continue to gain. If it weren’t for the 12 steps, my higher power and the fellowship I doubt I would have made it through the last week.

To each their own I guess. Just know that AA will always be there waiting for you to come home.

1 Like

Sobriety has definitely been less-peopled than my drinking life was. And it was hard at first. I felt sorry for myself and left out as I saw my old friends still out and partying without me. It took me some time to look honestly at some of my relationships while I was drinking. Drinking buddies are not friends. There’s a difference and I had sort of forgotten that in my alcoholic haze. In my drinking mode, my circle had become bigger and bigger to include people I normally would not have hung out with— people I didn’t actually like. Sobriety helped me cut out some of the fat in my social life.

I learned a lot about myself by being alone in the beginning of my sobriety. I used to go to the bars to not be alone. So learning how to do it was important for me. Remembering the things I used to enjoy before drinking was important.

A friend of mine recently said to another newer friend “you should have seen (me) when she was drinking. She was so funny!” And the friend who said this was drinking as she said it. And I know my sobriety disappoints my old drinking friends. But I also know that I wasn’t funnier when I was drinking. More outrageous? Yes. Louder? Yes. More obnoxious? Absolutey. Obnoxious seemed a lot funnier to me when I was shitfaced. But when I’m sober I know the difference. And I knew the difference when I woke up the next day, weighted down by regret and remorse, hating myself for everything I’d done and said the night before.

I’ve learned a lot about balance in the last four years of sobriety. I’ve learned how to think through some of my issues —issues that kept me drinking until blackout when I wasn’t even enjoying it. I feel a lot more in control than I did when I was drinking. My life is simpler. Cleaner. Easier. And a lot more honest. I don’t put on much of a show anymore. And it’s a relief. This is me. This is who I am. I always wanted to dress up my insecurities and make myself seem cooler with my drinking. And when you meet people who like you without the tap dance, without bathing in liquor, it feels really good and strong.

6 Likes

That’s lovely nick

1 Like

I think it can, but only if you let it. I had friends who stopped doing things with me because I didn’t want to drink anymore. And then I had a few close friends who support me and are proud of me for not drinking. I am also way closer with my mom now than I have ever been- we hang out almost every night at the gym. I also keep myself busy with work and my family! But I am sure that for some it can be isolating, and perhaps meeting some like minded people would be a good idea. I’ve always envied the companionship that some of my friends have found through ministries at their churches, and others have met wonderful people at meetings :slight_smile:

Very Very thanks for words!!

I read a report on bbc.co.uk recently, that the number of millennials choosing not to drink has grown significantly over the last few years. It could be said it is “cool” to not drink! I follow a lot of social media discussing life without drinking one of my favourites is on Instagram @betterwithoutbooze

2 Likes

An old Wednesday night would consist of sitting on my own in my house after work with the blinds shut, no answering my phone and drinking till I passed out.

Tonight Ive been to my home group at AA, seen friends there, had a right fucking good laugh, did service then went for late night coffee with a girl Ive plucked up the courage to speak to.

I know which one I prefer :joy:

3 Likes