Doing this alone

My name is Jessica, I am a mother of two young children and I have a great husband. Unfortunately alcohol came into my life at the young age of 12. My husband was not a drinker when I met him but he used cocain. He gave up the drugs for me but unfortunately drinking became too much a part of life. I am now 25 and I realized in these last couple of months that I have been setting a horrible example for my children, (7 and 2) and I need to quit drinking. But I am alone. My husband won’t quit. Together we drink a bottle of whiskey every night. I have now been sober fo three days. I think about my kids when I want a drink. Last month I was only sober 2 days out of the month, and it was only because I was too hungover to drink more. I’m doing this for my kids because I don’t know what’s coming next. And I don’t want to be their downfall. Luckily I realized the issue before I lost everything, but I don’t know that my husband will, and I have to prepare for that. I need a community to help me stay sober. 3 days has been relatively easy, BUT I don’t see it getting any easier, but also, I see that I CAN do this. For my kids, for our lives. I’ve downloaded this app because I have no time in my busy life with the kids and our new home and now I have to find a job, just in case my husband loses everything due to drinking. So I ask you, for your help, for your support, and your kindness. Please help me stand behind my family.

17 Likes

Welcome to the forum Jessica! Whiskey was my first love. I hope for your family’s sake, your hubby follows your example. It can be extremely difficult staying sober when the spouse is pouring drinks next to you, and I would know.

Congrats on 3 days!

1 Like

Thank you so much! And yes, last night we had friends over, but they know my situation so they made it a point to not drink with him. his eyes at dinner, so faded. It was irritating, and definitely didn’t make me want to drink. I think it would have been harder if our friends were drinking with him. I see the alcohol sitting on the counter, which makes it difficult, usually right around 4 PM it’s the hardest, that’s usually when I’d have my first drink.

Welcome! Be proud of staying strong and everything you’ve done so far to be a better you. Congrats on day 3!:muscle: Day 73 here its been a bit tough but the community here really helps. Stay positive​:heartpulse:

1 Like

Hi pal!! Welcome to the group! I’m happy for you and your decision to accept your problem. It probly felt good to say/type those things out loud. It’s like when we say these things out loud to someone, they lose their power over us.

That’s why this app is so great. Anytime we have a problem or solution we can jump on here and share it. 4 o’clock comes around, jump on here and say hi.

Congrats on 3 days and big congrats on making thru that dinner without drinking :wink:

4 Likes

Welcome to the forum!

I hope our community can give you insight and knowledge to complete your goals. It really does become a game of cat and mouse with ourselves and alcohol. I wish I knew the formula to help anyone with the desire to quit, really QUIT!

Alcohol has a tendency to create facade and illusion to the user. We all know, that we thought we had control of the situation until we really didn’t. Then we reach a point, where our actions and consumption are no longer fun. This is where we break that false and deceptive illusion.

It takes hard work and perservance to change who we morphed in to. We don’t just change back to this normal person, especially overnight. Things will feel a lot worse than they really are. Things improve slowly! We want an instant fix, it doesn’t happen like that. Change one little thing at a time, those little things become big things. Just don’t expect everything to be awesome all of a sudden.

Your not doing this alone! You have this whole community by your side! Dig deep, your the master of your destiny.

2 Likes

I’m emotional about all of your responses. Thank you all so much, it’s great to have a community of people so understanding. It’s about to be 4pm and thankfully the urges haven’t started yet. I’m associating this with all of you and your amazing support! I’m also keeping myself very busy, have to take my daughter to dance, just wondering if my husband will drink before he comes or if he will even come.

:heart:

Welcome @Jjk Jessica you’re definitely not alone. Most of us have been there in some way shape or form and it’s great to read how you are breaking old habits to build a better life for you. If you build a better life for you, your kids will have a better life as a result.

Before you know it you will be feeling much better and those urges will get easier and some days they won’t even appear.

You can’t worry about your husband drinking too much right now, focus on yourself and being responsible for the kids, they will get so much security from that. He will hopefully see the new you and realise himself what’s happening.

If you can I would recommend finding a support group that works for you, it really helps to share and problems seem to get easier. Keep coming back here also,there’s a lot of people who understand. I’m only a few months ahead of you and trust me life will improve for you beyond belief.

Stay strong and stay sober.

Well done - keep doing it for you and your kids.

You’re not alone in here! I know how frustrating it is to be around everyone partying. I used to quit for 30 days once every few years and everyone around me was fucked up, they would come over to drink and do drugs with my ex still. It was the lonliest feeling! In my own house I couldn’t even get away from it. When I ditched him, the other drugs went with him as they weren’t anything I ever did, but the alcohol was my demon to work thru over these last 3 years. I was a pretty pathetic mess when he was done with me! Now I’m taking my life back, one day at a time. Welcome!

Hi ! So glad I found your post, It sounds like you are telling my story right now. I have had the same trigger every afternoon when my husband brings liquor home during afternoon lunch break around 3pm. I will try and try to say no but when he is drinking in front of me I can’t stop myself. If I tell him I don’t want to drink he will be respectful and hide it, and then I just end up getting so angry/aggravated when I see him slowly fade. The resentment is real. Eventually I create a “ if you can’t beat them join them mentality” Every evening (with the exception of a few days a month when I am too physically ill to drink) we drink a bottle of rum a night. It is destroying our relationship and finances… as it has progressed for the past 2 years.(started with beer and wine then to the hard stuff) I am constantly trying to find ways to stay sober but it seems impossible sometimes! I am a mom like you and am making my 3 year old my reason to keep going on this sober journey. I am only on day 1, after relapsing but I have to pick up again where I left off and pray my husband follows.
Congratulations on how far you have come so far! :heart:

2 Likes

Welcome to this fabulous group Jessica. I’m kinda new at 39 days and I feel like I’m doing this ALL ALONE too. My wife and I drank a lot most of our 36 years of marriage. I turned sixty and just want to be sober. Clear headed. Patient. And not hungover every morning. I get hangovers. Wifey doesn’t. I think it is great to quit drinking for your children. My daughter went to rehab and quit heroine for her parents. She said she wasn’t doing it for herself. It’s been ten years🤸‍♀️. I feel as long as you have a reason. Cling to it. And I cannot think of a better reason.
People on here have help me with my wifey. Some one told me to talk to her and tell her how I feel. I know she supports me but will not stop drinking. I told her I don’t have urges to drink when she drinks. And I really don’t. But when the afternoon martinis come out I get depressed and feel lonely. And of course when she passes out on the couch I feel again lonely and depressed. She’s cut back a little on the afternoon martinis but not on the wine and still passes out on the couch a lot. But otherwise she’s proud of me and supports me. After 39 days I’m feeling great but still feel lonely. So I come on here a lot. And I have a weight loss app with a support group. I love all the benefits of sobriety weight loss like, patience, flexibility, and having a clear head. I can do so much more stuff around the house. With a good attitude! I pray you can stick with it and start really enjoying the benefits and those lovely children you got. Sorry if I’m so long winded but I just wanted to share so much with another person who has a spouse that keeps drinking like mine does.
We can do this and we’re worth it.
:pray::heart:

1 Like

Great reply, but the OP is 3 years old!

And FWIW, my husband still drinks as well. There are some helpful threads on here about partners who still drink. Check the Frequently asked questions thread for links.

I am also in the same boat as you and Jessica. I just posted to Jessica and then I saw your post. I am retired and don’t have children living with us. But your children are a great reason to stay sober. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your children. Cling to that reason. It’s a great reason to stay sober. I don’t want to repeat myself from my last post. But something else I do EVERY DAY. I spend time with God and I read my devotionals. I get up a little earlier in the morning just to have my quiet time with God and be here on this App. And I start off everyday with a gratitude list. We all have so much to be grateful for. It works for me.
:pray::heart:

1 Like

Dang.:face_with_hand_over_mouth: It took me awhile to figure out what your were telling me. But I got it. Thanks for the lesson. It still felt good to get it out there.
:pray:

1 Like

Absolutely still great to share as you did. I just didn’t want you wondering why she doesn’t reply…she isn’t active here anymore. But…perhaps your kind and thoughtful post will still reach her and others. :heart:

I appreciate the lesson. Still learning the mechanics of the message board or whatever is this stuff. But I guess I really needed to get what I said out there for myself as well.

1 Like